I have no idea why this thought occured to me (I think maybe a wacko Synthroid enhanced dream, actually).
I think if I found out someone had tried multiple times to off themselves I would be really reluctant to date them. I don’t mean trying once in highschool by taking 20 asprin because you did crap on a test. I mean someone who has multiple failed attempts. Perhaps slash marks upon slash marks on both wrists.
I can’t decide it that’s legitimate or not - I mean, it’s sort of a moot point - I’m living with my SO so not in the market to date anyone, but I’m really curious.
I guess I would worry that the person would try again and perhaps succeed.
Anyone have thoughts? Am I alone in this? Surely I’m not alone in this.
You know, I broke up with a kid for doing drugs once, and I got hell from his friends for not sticking it out. The thing is, psychological issues and dependency issues make someone else’s problem into your problem, and if I’m not yet emotionally involved and can sidestep the issue entirely, I would.
Now if I’m married and I come to find my husbad is deeply depressed, I’d help him stick treatment, but I wouldn’t expect to stay long if he refused any help.
You know, I broke up with a kid for doing drugs once, and I got hell from his friends for not sticking it out. The thing is, psychological issues and dependency issues make someone else’s problem into your problem, and if I’m not yet emotionally involved and can sidestep the issue entirely, I would.
Now if I’m married and I come to find my husband is deeply depressed, I’d help him stick treatment, but I wouldn’t expect to stay long if he refused any help.
This is kind of my thinking as well. I think even if the person assured me that they were fine now I would still be reluctant. I can’t decide if that makes me a jerk or not.
It depends on how long they’d been stable and non-suicidal. 20 years since the last attempt and not suffering from uncontrollable depression? Sure. An attempt last year? Nope.
The first woman that I was in love with attempted suicide. I understood depression a lot less well then, but it was a horrible experience finding her like that. I’m not sure I could go through it again - or risk doing so. I don’t know.
I understand that a combination of genetics, upbringing, and experiences has made me the person I am. The person I am would never even consider suicide as long as I was healthy and not in extreme, dehiblitating pain. I can’t comprehend it.
If I can’t comprehend it even a little, then surely I am as bad a mate for him as he is for me!
A person who had once attempted suicide but was now in a state of recovery would, IMHO, make for a good mate, since they have ultimately had to confront their demons (which everyone has); they key, though, is that they are in a state of recovery.
If, instead, you are dating a suicidal person, I think you are asking for a world of hurt. And, you probably should question why you are drawn to such tragedy and drama in your own life.
On the one hand, it would be hard for me to invest that much of myself, emotionally, into a person bent of self-desctruction. On the other hand, I’ve been suicidal myself in the past, and I consider myself fully stable now, and would not look kindly on someone holding it against me. So I’d say I would, unless we’re talking really recently. The person would also have to be actively seeking help, in the form of counseling and/or medication, for the underlying causes.
I’m not the mentally toughest person on the planet. I, frankly, get too close to despair as it is. If I were dealing daily with someone who wanted to stop living, I think it could damage me pretty deeply.
One, yes. Sometimes things are bad and you make a bad choice.
Multiple, NO.
Consider it in terms of thinking of your SO like this;
"When the chips are down, X is likely to try to try to kill him/herself and leave me with to clean up the mess. Do I want to deal with that? Do I want to have that pressure on my head? Will that end up being a form of emotional blackmail against me, even if X never consciously uses it that way? Will I start to freak out in fear of X committing suicide every time things take a wrong turn? Will I constantly have to worry about X committing suicide over things I have no fucking knowledge of, because X isn’t sharing everything with me?
Why am I in a relationship with a live bomb that could go off at any minute?"
Trust me, I have dealt with it. My psycho ex “tried”* to commit suicide on me at one point, used it against me, then claimed to have attempted suicide four times in the last year of our relationship, attempting to use that against me in the divorce process.
I say “tried”, because it was an obvious fraud. She took FOUR xanax tablets, totalling 200mg, or 1/3 of the normal dose when used for theraputic uses. When someone tries to kill themselves, they don’t take four pills, they take the entire bottle.
Theoretically, yes. But only if the attempts occurred several years ago, and the person has experienced great improvements through therapy, use of healthy coping mechanisms, and (if necessary) judicious treatment with appropriate drugs. I say this, because my sweetheart married me, and I was a depressed, suicidal mess with a pile of issues and lousy ways of coping up until about 5 years ago. Looking back, I hardly recognise the person I once was, the changes have been that profound.
I wonder how long ago is long enough. I mean, I’m 34. If I was dating someone also 34 and they had tried to kill themselves a couple of times, or even 10 times when they were 14 or 15, I’m not sure it would be legit for me to hold it against them - I mean, it was 20 years ago. But where’s the cut off. Even 5 years seems pretty recent in my mind.
I think the cut off is not in terms of time, but in terms of actions. What have they done, since that period in their life, to change things? Have they been through therapy? Are they taking medicine? Have they embraced religion, meditation, or other personal coping mechanisms? Have they re-connected with family and friends?
I ask these questions as one who is about 5 years removed from suicidal depression, and as one who spent 30 days in a rehab clinic (and went to daily therapy sessions for months afterwards), still attends group therapy sessions once a week, takes Effexor, has a strong family bond with my mother (not in the weird way) and close friends, and has a completely new sense of spirituality and purpose then before. In a weird way, I’m grateful for my troubles, since they’ve made me so much stronger then I could have ever been without them.
No. I’ve got plenty of people in the family that have worked psych so have had exposure to a great deal of anecdotal evidence. People who fail more than twice usually aren’t serious about it. What they’re after is attention and pity for their ‘problems’ I don’t need that kind of drama.