This would be a deal breaker. It’s a sign of nothing but trouble to come.
A few months ago, I started to date someone who seemed damn near perfect for me in every way. After a couple of dates and many hours of conversations on the phone, I really had high hopes for him and for us. Then one night on the phone, he told me that he had been working that day (painting) at a house where the owner said they had filmed parts of the movie The Birdcage, and he suddenly went off about how being gay is sooo gross and disgusting and oh my god, ew! It really weirded me out. It was so incompatible with everything else that I had learned about this guy so far, that he could be so immature and offensive. He’s an atheist, so it wasn’t even that he had the excuse of standing by some biblical morals or anything, it’s just that the thought of gay sex was icky! It was such a turnoff, it was like he had suddenly turned into a 12 year old boy! I didn’t say anything about it right then, I was so shocked, but the next day I let him know that, as someone with gay people in my circle of friends and family, I could never date someone that spoke of them that way and that I wanted nothing further to do with him. And I would do the same again with anyone that had those views.
Is she hot?
Deal-breaker. Close family members are gay, my family is multi-racial, and so on. Plus my personal beliefs were formed outside of that. No bigots, and I personally include this in that definition.
Hear, hear.
While holding such beliefs would not be a one-issue deal breaker for me, it is highly unlikely we would be compatible on a rang of other issues. Believe what you want, but treating people in a non-judgmental manner would be required.
And having such a hypothetical woman meet my mother would certainly be a test.
You just did. You said they would let you believe whatever you wanted and they wouldn’t be criticized for it. That’s what it means to be “wonderfully tolerant.”
And what’s even worse, Shodan of all people pointed out a very obvious example of how what you said is bullshit, and you missed it. When you grew up, if people thought you even thought a single communist thought, you were a traitor to the U.S. and should be forbidden to work or live.
You keep praising a certain time period in U.S. history for being something it never was. And it’s really strange revisionist history at that.
It honestly makes me wonder if you were just incredibly sheltered and grew up in some hippie commune.
Those who say you are so open minded, would you be okay with someone who thought there was something wrong with black people? Because that’s where we are now.
And, no, what you believed in the past isn’t all that relevant. The thing about my past homophobia was that I was WRONG. I would not expect any LGBT ally to date me back then, either.
And I also live in the Bible Belt. It just means I don’t date a lot. Though, lately, my big thing is convincing people that they can accept homosexuality without giving up their Christianity. Because that’s also important to me.
Apparently the smiley didn’t do any good, except with Starving Artist.
Regards,
Shodan
I find the thought of gay sex icky too. That’s why I don’t have any gay sex.
If she and her gay friends both understand her attitude and manage to get along, it would appear that they’re all mature enough to navigate their differences. If that’s what this is, it would then fall back on the person (you) to decide how significant an issue it is.
Is it ideal? No, but it sounds like she’s willing to let others live as they wish. I wouldn’t directly jump into a relationship, as I’d want to flesh out other aspects of her personality, but I’d see how things develop if everything else fell into place.
I’ve long dealt with people who’ve felt radically different on other issues, and we went on to have respectable relationships (some even changed). Hell, I’ve had people who’ve pursued relationships (friendships, mostly) with me, and thanks to my interactions with them, I’ve changed for the better. I think there is definite value in interacting with people who are different than you, for a variety of reasons. Now I’m not saying you should actively get into a relationship with the intention of trying to change people, but people do have the capacity to grow and adapt their ideas. It’s really just a part of life, IMO.
If I were on the fence, I wouldn’t be against testing the waters and backing away if I didn’t like the current. I’d also be clear about my stance on the issue. She also deserves the chance to back away from a potential relationship, on the same grounds.
This is the most sensible thing I’ve read in this thread.
@Krouget would you have the same attitude if she thought that race mixing and interracial marriage was morally wrong, but did know a black-white couple that she wasn’t rude to? For me they fall into the same category of fundamental issues.
Yes. I’ve experienced similar scenarios (I’m in an interracial relationship). Not only did she change, but so did those who had previously influenced her. It took time and patience, but sometimes positive change requires that.
If it’s a fundamental issue for you, that’s absolutely fine.
I definitely wouldn’t date Starving Artist, so there’s that.
But seriously, to the OP, that’d be a dealbreaker for me. Maybe in my younger days I wouldn’t care, but I’m older now and there’s plenty of women out there. If I entered the dating pool again I wouldn’t have time for that sort of horseshit.
I suspect that ‘the act’ would mean some sort of physical act. Oh, perhaps…some sort of physical sexual act. Expanding on that, some sort of gay/lesbian physical activity. “The” being a definite article. I imagine that the definite article is related to the word after it.
Mysterious how words work.
Many of the answers here are amusing and hypocritical. Case A *believes *that lgbt is wrong. Not, “does Case A persecute and abuse lgbts”. All of a sudden, there is a shitstorm of self-righteous people despising Case A. For *thinking *differently. Not, for persecuting or abusing lgbts. For ‘*thinking *that they are wrong’.
It’s amusing.
Can you explain the hypocrisy?
Not tolerating intolerance isn’t a form of intolerance (in the sense it’s being used).
Also, nobody said anything about despising. Not liking, not dating, nit wanting anything to do with, yes, but dating isn’t like the workplace. There’s no obligation to be equal opportunity. If someone wants to reject anyone that doesn’t have blue eyes, or a 36 inch inseam, or mothers named Debby, that’s okay.