BULLSHIT! I work in an early childcare centre, everyday I work with 4-5 other teachers and 40-50 children. Smacking a child is obviously NEVER an option. Children DO NOT need the threat of violence to learn to behave. They need consistency (one of the hardest things to do in the family situation), reinforcement of all the good things and sometimes loss of rights (no sandpit for you Mr!). They need to realise the effect their behaviour has on others (YES! 3 and 4 yr olds CAN be empathetic!), time out and/or loss of “goodies” is far more motivating then a smack ever will be.
My child is 14 and had his one and only REFLEX smack at 18 mths, I paniced and whacked his hand when it was about to go under the hot tap.
Smacking just teaches that bigger people can hurt you…if you don’t wan’t to be hurt wait untill you are bigger then you can hurt little people!
Children that come from families who smack are not hard to spot…they parrot their parents line and hit in accordance to that.
Steady on. Spanking is a rather hot issue and it will never be resolved. Ultimately the best we can do is to do the best we can, tailor our punishments to the situation as we see it at the time and hope our kids turn out well. There is certainly a big difference between abuse and spanking and no-one is advocating abuse.
Specifically to your comment above, children parrot their parents line on every damn issue that comes up, it doesn’t make it wrong, or right.
I don’t recall being spanked a whole lot as a kid, but I know it happened. And I have no doubt that each and every time, I deserved it. I remember Dad threatening with a belt once, but he never touched me with it–in fact, all my spankings were delivered by my mother, and were usually one or two not-at-all-painful swats and a reminder that I wasn’t supposed to do that (the “teasing” I received from my older brother hurt more than anything she ever did). It worked.
I have a suspicion that Mom was subjected to more corporal punishment than she deserved as a kid, and maybe Dad, too. I was raised before “time out” was really an option, and I was mouthy. I think it’s possible that many other parents would have smacked that smart mouth of mine rather than talk me down the way my mother did.
Now that I have friends with children, I see the options available. Time outs work. Grounding works. Reasonable conversation and discussion of motives and emotion works. But not always. One good smack on the butt, almost always through the diaper, can do wonders. I have never seen one of my friends treat their child harshly, nor resort to physical measures until all others are exhausted. Nor have I seen anyone resort to spanking once their child was old enough to understand words.
Will I hit my kids? Absolutely not. Will I spank them? Hell yes, if they deserve it. There’s a difference. Unfortunately, the difference is usually only appreciated by people who grew up with parents who also knew the difference.
While I don’t approve of the use of tools one bit - switches, belts, or anything like that - you do have to tailor the punishment to fit the kid. I got a handful of spankings in my life. They were not “good” spankings, they were administered out of anger. But - they didn’t traumatize me or teach me that violence was the answer.
I have no problem with spanking. I think you should be stopping it once the child reaches a certain maturity level, but I don’t think it’s inherently horrible.
My mother says she spanked me once (I don’t remember it at all.) when I was running towards the street and wouldn’t stop when she yelled. Other than that she didn’t feel it was necessary.
I think that, and the examples of kids reaching for hot surfaces, are appropriate uses for spankings. Out-of-control kids too, just enough to get their attention. After that, I think there are plenty of other options for discipline.
I also agree with everyone who’s said that there’s a big difference between a spanking and a beating. A spanking can be appropriate discipline. A beating is not.
I was spanked growing up. My father would use his belt and my mother usually just smacked me across the face. It was pretty rare though, only when I was really bad. I wouldn’t go as far as they did on my own kids. Not because I resented the punishment, it’s just that I personally don’t want to. I’d spank them if I felt it warranted it.
My oldest daughter has only given a “formal spanking” once. My wife put her over the knee and spanked her three times for repeatedly biting and smacking her younger sister. It was after my third five minute long speech to her and after taking away her favorite game. We warned her we would, we went through with it.
An informal spanking (A quick, single swat on the butt,) while not common in our house, is not unheard of. It’s our next to last choice (the final is the “formal spanking”) and we rarely need to do get to that point.
