Well, Nava, I hope nobody’s making that assumption. Like I said, I’ve gotten them occasionally since I was a kid, so it wasn’t from sexual contact. I wasn’t abused or anything.
It kinda sucks. I have an “ew” factor and it’s not even due to irresponsible behavior. Oh well.
Thanks, Eleusis, for the link. I figured dopers had talked about this subject before. Y’all have talked about everything before. 
I’m rather shocked that so many people are giving a blanket “no”. You really wouldn’t have sex with someone who occasionally has cold sores on the lips???
We’re not talking about oral sex during an outbreak, or even kissing during an outbreak. Heck we’re not talking about an outbreak at all! We’re talking regular sex you (per the OP) otherwise want to have, and you won’t because he/she admits to getting cold sores? Are you really that squeamish? Are you reading the OP? What’s wrong with you people?
If I’m not mistaken, oral herpes be trasmitted to my special happy places during oral sex. Can’t a lesion be mistaken for, say, a pimple? That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.
If I found myself having sex with someone other than my husband, it would be after a divorce. If I get divorced I have no plans to enter into a serious relationship with another man; it would be strictly casual. Why shouldn’t I minimize the risk of getting infected with herpes if I’m presented with knowledge before hand?
If I were on the market, and if I were into casual sex the answer would be a blanket No. Blanket NO for casual sex.
Being involved with someone in a deeper way would complicate the matter. Instinct would be outweighed by reason and love, I think. Of course, I have no way of knowing how I’d react until I’ve had to react. Exposure to disease generates a very visceral reaction in most people (as you can see from this thread and the related pit thread). Good sense, tact, and thoughtfulness sometimes shut down when a person is faced with a perceived threat.
I don’t anticipate ever having to face such a decision. Hubby and I both have clean bills of health (It’s something we checked on long before any sexual contact took place), and while we are quite the exhibitionists, we keep our hands and bits to ourselves.
You are not mistaken
According to folks who have 'em, there’s a tingling nerve sensation which is entirely unlike acne. My step mom always knows several days before she’s going to get one. (She got them from her mother, by the way, who insisted on kissing the children good-night every night, cold sore or no. So I hear you, Nava.)
Re: Where on their genitals? The penis? Vagina? Inner lips? Outer lips? Mons? Testicles?
Because if their outbreak is on their “genitals” but not anywhere that a condom covers, then (assuming the carrier is male) then a condom is not going to protect you against the skin-to-skin contact that is required to transmit the infection. And if the carrier is female and her outbreaks don’t occur in the vagina, then a condom isn’t going to protect you.
Yes, I would sleep with someone who has herpes II. In fact, I have. His outbreaks occured on his pubic bone, right above his pubic hair. He got it from a woman whose outbreaks occured on her inner thigh.
I just never seem to see this reality addressed. Herpes just not limit itself to the penis and the vagina.
And if Simplex I - cold sores - doesn’t permanently put you off having sex with someone, then Simplex II shouldn’t either. Yes, be careful. Yes, be aware that the virus can shed even when your partner isn’t in prodrome or having an active outbreak.
But the “ew!” type responses are reflective of a stigma that is innappropriate.
In the first photo, the lesion at the bottom sort of looks like a nasty pimple to me. Based on those photographs, I’m going to change my ‘Ew, no’ to an emphatic hell, no.
Probably not a big deal.
I used to think I would say “yes, but only with a condom”. But then a girl I found attractive and hoped to have a sexual relationship with told me that she had an unspecified STD, and all I could think about was looking down at my bumpy, itchy, burning penis for the rest of my life and thinking, “Man, if it weren’t for that one night.”
If it were someone I were falling in love with? Maybe I would do it. I think I can honestly say I’ve never experienced that (falling in love with someone) so I don’t know. But I think love is a bigger deal than herpes. I agree with Stain that it says a hell of a lot about someone’s character that they’re willing to say it.
If I’m not mistaken, HPV is the genital warts virus, while HSV is the herpes simplex virus.
No. The chemistry just wouldn’t be right.
I once started to date a boy and before we went to bed the first time he let me know that he had herpes but only rarely had outbreaks, and was not currently having one. I thought this was nice and honest. That was 9 years ago, and our 6th wedding anniversary is coming up, and I’ve never shown and signs of having picked it up. We used condoms the first year and then sort of dropped it for contraceptive pill and vigilance. The couple of times he’s had that itching sensation where he thinks he might have an outbreak soon he mentions it and we abstain for a week or so until the coast seems clear. He has outbreaks very very infrequently-- he’s lucky. I know that it is possible that he could pass it on even while he is not having a moment, but I feel the odds are worth it because I like him and, hell, it’s just herpes. Sheesh. Of all the nasty things one can pick up these days, this is the least of a deal-breaker among them.
That’s because it is a pimple. Way to perpetuate the stigma though.
:smack: Sorry, I should have labeled those better. I thought it was obvious that the first picture was a pimple and the second a herpes lesion. Obviously, I was mistaken.
I’m skeptical. The first one looks a whole lot like a (male) nipple to me. I’ve never had a zit that looked like that. (And not all cold sores look like the second one, either.)
So wait, you can get genital herpes from a cold sore during oral sex? I thought they were two variations of the same virus.
The first one certainly looks like a pimple to me. I’m pretty sure I’ve had some that look like that.
Nope to both. If I can deliberately avoid something that’s detrimental in any way to my health, I will.
May I ask just how, if you avoid kissing and oral sex, you think you could possibly get herpes by having sex with someone who’s only exposure to it is once having had a coldsore on their lip?
Do you ask about diseases before kissing someone, too? What about shaking hands? That spreads more diseases than all sexual and romantic activities put together.
This question is somewhat off-topic but it popped into my head while reading this thread. Does pubic hair, if left untrimmed provide some protection against bare skin-to-skin contact that could spread something like herpes or am I just stupid?
Those claiming “no way, never, no how,” may well, in all honesty, mean this as you sit in calm solitude at your keyboard. Get faced with the same question under different circumstances and the decision you make might be quite the opposite.
Answering a hypothetical question is one thing. In the heat of the moment, turning down a good lookin’ guy/girl who rings your chimes is quite another.
As Stainz said: I wouldn’t want to miss out on a good and meaningful relationship just beacuse someone was honest enough up-front to tell me they got a cold sore (regardless of said sore’s location) ever and anon.
I don’t get answers like this. You do realize that 1 in 5 adults is infected, right? Many people that are infected don’t even know they have it. If it was going to be just a casual thing, then I could see how someone would choose not to take the risk. But if it’s in the context of a budding relationship where you’re falling for the person? It seems like a rather petty thing to throw it all away for.
My BF told me he had herpes a few months into the relationship. He admitted it was wrong of him not to tell me in the beginning. He hadn’t had an outbreak until he told me and had thought it couldn’t be transmitted absent an outbreak so there was no need to tell me.
He was wrong, as I ended up getting it anyway, but that’s not the point. I thought about it for awhile and decided I’d take the risk when he told me (I hadn’t yet known I’d contracted if I even had at that point yet. I hadn’t had my first outbreak until I after he told me). I was already in love with the guy and the low risk I was taking by sleeping with him when he didn’t have an outbreak was worth it to me.
Hell, I barely even thought about it. Why would I give up what looked to be a very promising relationship, one with someone I was already in love with, because he had a very common STD that I had a small chance of getting? It wasn’t his fault he had it and how would I feel if he just packed up his bags and walked 3 months into the relationship because I had a very common, low risk STD (ignoring the fact that it hadn’t been disclosed thus far)?
Like capybara, I’m still with him, we’re planning on moving in together in a couple of months and are as happy as can be. Of course unlike capybara I did end up getting it but even so, I’m not sorry I chose to stay with him when he told me. If I had walked away I’d probably be STD free, now, yeah. But I’d also have walked away from a wonderful relationship that I’m blissfully happy in. I may have ended up physically clean, but I would have had to give up a good deal of emotional happiness to do so.
So yeah, I’ve got herpes now and I’ll have it for the rest of my life. That sucks. But you know what? It was worth it and if I had it to do over again, I’d make the same decision.
Herpes isn’t AIDS, people. It’s not fatal. It sucks and I really really wish I didn’t have it, but I do and it hasn’t even come close to ruining my life. 1 in 5 people have it. As a matter of fact, all of you “ew, you couldn’t pay me, never in a million years” posters might actually have it yourselves and not even know it.
How karmic would that be? 
