Would you help me to translate my novel? (to English)

[Nava]

@BobArrgh

Interesting experiment. I’ll toss in my thoughts about what has been posted.

1. Regarding “Her father did not suffer the traditional paternal zeal towards his only daughter”, I would think that the word “adoration” would be better than “zeal” (or even “jealousy”, as was proposed by Tinker Grey. However, it would all depend on context, which is true of any translation.

What are the father/daughter dynamics that you are trying to convey?

For example, simply reading the original line leads me to the following questions:

[ol]
[li] The father is not very proud of his only daughter and doesn’t brag about her to his peers?[/li][li] The father does not care how many unqualified males are seeking to court his daughter?[/li][/ol]

It’s not adoration, it’s propietary-ness. It’s guarding her like a mastiff… you know those jokes about greeting the guy who’s taking her to prom, shotgun in hand? That kind of thing.

Grand niece and great aunt are ok.

[iamthewalrus_3]

@Julius_TheG

6) "If it were for her, she would put everyone in the waist.”

If it were up to her, she’d run everyone’s lives.

7) “Grand niece” and “great aunt”

Yep, those are normal English terms for those relations.

[BigT]

“Grand niece” and “great aunt” are the normal words, but, if you say it a lot, you might want to just use “niece” or “aunt” sometimes. And call her Aunt ___, not Great-Aunt ____, except maybe the first time. I also almost never hear “grant niece,” just “niece.”

Also not a big fan of “lend” for a house. “let us use [the house]” is a good one.

[Julius_TheG]

@kayT

Regarding “prepared his clothes”: are you telling us he’s packing, or getting dressed, or what?

Ha ha sorry, he’s getting dressed, sorry for the lack of context. We do say dress, but they were in bed before that. So I think he was preparing his clothes to dress.

[Julius_TheG]

@Nava

It’s not adoration, it’s propietary-ness. It’s guarding her like a mastiff… you know those jokes about greeting the guy who’s taking her to prom, shotgun in hand? That kind of thing.

Grand niece and great aunt are ok.

Yes, but I’mm stating that the father is not that way.

[Julius_TheG]

@BigT

“Grand niece” and “great aunt” are the normal words, but, if you say it a lot, you might want to just use “niece” or “aunt” sometimes. And call her Aunt ___, not Great-Aunt ____, except maybe the first time. I also almost never hear “grant niece,” just “niece.”

Also not a big fan of “lend” for a house. “let us use [the house]” is a good one.

Thanks, I will use grand nice and great aunt only the first time. “Let us use” will be.