This is illegal, just so you know and if you are ever found out ( there have been cases in the past where perps have been caught) you get a visit to a judge and all that fun stuff.
20 years ago, it was possible, but not now.
You make it sound so technical.
Pull apart the Oreo, lick the frosting side, stick it to the target, and eat the plain cookie side. There ya go!
I’ll have to remember this one.
Glad for that caveat. It was about 30 years ago that I did this as vengeance on the neighborhood bully who tormented me.
Wasn’t there a doper that said they had had fun with a coworker by moving the walls of his cubicle baby step by baby step closer every week? I always thought that was funny.
In MS Word, it is easy to create macros so when he is typing, for instance, “Dear boss…” in a memo, it will show up on the screen as “Dear Bossasshole” and you can continue to create variations on common words. When (and if) he proofreads the memo or letters, it will drive him nuts trying to figure out how those “typos” appeared.
You will be amazed at how many people will not be able to figure out how to get rid of the macros and it will drive him insane. Be sure to put in quite a few. You can even change it so when he types in the word “the” it will appear as “big titties are nice” or whatever. Quite fun, and even if he figures out how to remove the macros, it will take him awhile to do so.
Of course, you could be very subtle about it and just fill it with macros for misspellings…so “everry memoe/lettter mackes hymn looke stoopid.”
Dead simple and way too easy. Beat him into the office and turn the brightness on his monitor all the way off. He’ll go nuts trying to figure out why his computer isn’t working!
Does he use pencils? A drop of glue or clear nailpolish on the lead works wonders.
How about something smelly behind his desk drawers?
Have fun!
If you’re allowed to screw with his computer, you can find some (legal) mp3 files and change around the sound scheme to something a lot more fun…
OK, this is sorta gross, but then I work with some sick people…
Got cloth-covered chairs? Plant a fart in his chair. Sit in his chair and let one rip, then stand up quickly. The expanding foam in the seat will suck it in and hold it until he sits down and releases it.
The way to do this is not macros, but messing with the “autocorrect” feature. I did this once on my dad so that his last name would autocorrect itself to, “You know, dad, you should really call your son. He misses you very much.” It pissed him off to no end and he had no way of knowing how to fix it.
What I would do for revenge is get his home phone number or cell number, whichever you want to use. Give it to all your friends and have them all call him several times a day for about a week, with everyone asking for “Brenda”. Of course “Brenda” will not be there and he will say so and indicate a wrong number. But you and your friends should still call for about a week and ask for her. Doing this will drive him insane because he keeps getting calls for Brenda. The kicker is after a week of this, have a female friend you know call him and say the following, “Hi. This is Brenda. Have there been any messages for me?”
A proper Oreoing requires no actual slobber, so DNA evidence can be avoided.
Twist open Oreo. Take frosting side and apply to car with a twist. Eat other side. Enjoy.
This particular trick is enhanced if it’s done late at night, on a warm evening. The frosting will melt a bit and by morning it will be almost impossible to remove the cookies.
Not that I’ve ever done this or anything…
You see each other first thing in the morning.
“hi, Bob” you say.
“Hi Winston.” he says. look at him funny, with a combination of worry and “hmm, what’s going on here?”
say, “are you feeling okay, Bob? You look a little run down/pale/tired.”
Bob will most likely say “I’m fine” or “I haven’t slept well” or “you know, I’m actually not feeling so well.”
shrug and say, “okay” and then walk away or change the subject.
Later on, say again- “are you sure you’re okay? you’re really not looking so well.”
Chances are he’ll feel sick by the end of the day. If not, start over again in the morning. Suggest that the flu is going around and you hear it’s going to be really horrible this year. Bring him tea and say you thought he might need it becuase he’s really not looking well.
Get others to work with you and it’ll be even more effective. The poor guy, even if he doesn’t end up feeling sick, will go home wondering why the heck everyone kept teling him he looked tired.
Good to know - I once got a visit from a salesman for some courses that I had not and would never sign up for. The “please give me more information” card had been filled in a distinctly girly hand, it didn’t take a graphologist to see it hadn’t been me. For me it was a bother; for the salesman, a wasted 100-km-each-way trip.
Doesn’t even need macros - just automatic substitution. I’d go for subtle, here. Turn real word into their leet version…
To take this a step further. Wait for him to leave his desk, and not log off. Create a new folder on his desktop (Right click - New Folder) Now move all his icons to the right or left of your new folder. Then select all the icons on the screen, and put the mouse over your folder and drag it to the edge of the screen causing everything else to be dragged off the screen. Delete your new folder. You should have no icons on the desktop.
Drag the start menu to the top of the screen(left mouse button, and drag it) Set the start menu to Autohide (Right click the start bar, properties, click auto hide). Then change the icon spacing on his desktop to 0 pixles (Right click desktop - Properties, Apperance, Advanced, Icon Spacing (Vertical) and (Horizontal). set to 0). After that on the same screen set everything in that drop down box to black(Don’t forget setting the font color to black also). You should now have a black screen. Now turn the monitor brightness all the way down, turn the monitor off, unplug power from the wall, and the data cable from the computer.
Now when he comes in he will try to turn the monitor on, but it won’t power up. Finds it isn’t plugged in. Then he will get the “no input signal” message(Depends on the monitor brightness has no effect on that on mine). Finds the computer cable unplugged, then he still has a blank screen. He might figure out the brightness next. Still has a blank screen. Etc, etc, etc.
When he has had enough, use keyboard shortcuts to get back to the display screens and set a different color scheme. (Windows Key - R, type “control” press enter. Press “D” twice, press enter, Shift-Tab once, right arrow 3 times, Tab twice, down arrow once, press enter. Will give you an ugly green color screen. You can then go back in, and reset the original colors.
Screwing with other peoples computers is a hobby of mine.
-Otanx
I see you need my expertise.
The correct answer is to examine his desk chair. Is it the kind that swivels until the sitting part comes off? If so, put raw shrimp in that tube and replace chair. He’l NEVER find where that god-awful stench is coming from.
You could just break all his pencil tips on a daily basis so he has to take a bajillion trips to the pencil sharpener. Either that or you get serenaded by the electronic pencil sharpener in his cube all day long.
You could put a few pieces of string in his chair wheels, locking them there until he gets fed up and has to get on his hands and knees and unlock them.
How’s that for starters? (and you didn’t accept me as an evil apprentice!)
Another computer one…
If you can get to his computer, and there are no windows open, just his usual selection of icons and whatever:
First, take a screenshot of the unaffected desktop, and save it.
Move all his icons to a new folder on the desktop, or at least new locations.
Set the taskbar to autohide.
Set the screenshot as the desktop wallpaper.
When he returns to the computer, it looks completely-normal, but nothing works on first try. 
Well, you have certainly proved your mettle, so let’s let bygones be bygones, and we’ll give you a fresh start once things start to pick up again come september.
[hijack]Roonwit! A Narnia fan, eh?[/hijack]
I need to add a couple of provisos, so you have a better understanding of the environment I’m working in. We are in Tech Support, my victim and I. I am the lead Systems Admin/Engineer, he is our Desktop Support guy, so in the “messing with his computer department”, I’m more likely to blow up his password at random intervals throughout the day than to go into his office tweak his desktop (I like the creativity of the responses, though; keep 'em coming).
I’m working from home today, so any on-site antics will have to wait until Monday, but I’m going riff off a couple of the suggestions in this thread and stash a tuna sandwich somewhere in his office - the beauty of this stunt is that it has a pair of secondary marks, as well (a couple of guys we work with have already pulled this prank at least twice, though not on my mark), so it will not draw attention to me. BWA-Ha-ha-ha. Ahem.
Today, I’ll pass a bad password along with his logon name to the domain a few times and lock out his account. This will be especially troublesome because he’s constantly logging on to many many machines, and we’ve got a recurring issue where this incident occurs and has gone on for weeks, and I am the only one who can trace it back and troubleshoot it. This is going to be a home run, but it’s early innings, people, so keep the suggestions coming.