After we had been married (and moved a few times!) we finally were in a place where I got a good job and began a career. Five years later, he was transferred to Germany, and I went with him.
It was always difficult to uproot and find a new job. And some states are downright shitty about paying unemployment to a military spouse who moves to accompany the servicemember.
By the time he retired, though, I was able to return to my career at the same place I was at before, and the fact I was WORKING meant we were able to pay the bills and eat.
You have to make the decision between staying together or breaking up. For me, it was worth it. For others, it may not be.
I knew what I was getting in to when I married him, though.
~VOW
There is an assumption there which I disagree with, which is that there is only one kind of job in the world I’ll be happy with. I’ve been happy in RnD, I’ve been happy as a QC lab tech, I’ve been happy as a consultant… so, I guess I’d be much more likely to go for it than someone with narrower notions about “job happiness”.
If there were any kids we’d have to look at how would things affect them; we’d also have to run a budget to see whether we’d be able to live comfortably on his new salary alone, and consider the cost of relocating. If that was all “go”, I’d be happy to.
My parents met in his hometown, then she moved back to hers, he went to visit and stayed (in a cousin’s house, not with her family), they married there and eventually moved back to his hometown because he just hated the big city. She blames that move for “not having had a career”; I blame that she never really wanted one (the jobs she’d held in her hometown were related to her degree but not what one would call “a career”).
I moved with my DH, but not for work; we’re retired. He wanted out of Los Angeles; I loved LOVED LA. Never wanted to leave. I spend about a year fighting it and actually did not intend to move with him, but ultimately decided I would go with him for six months and if I hated it would go back. Two years later I am still here in Austin but I do have to say I still wish I was in LA and if something happened to him (god forbid), I would move back to California in a heartbeat. I am glad I moved with him in spite of all that since I love him madly. But it has taken me a long time to forgive him for not loving LA as much as I did, especially since I always thought he did (we lived together there for 20+ years after all.)
I should add that my mother moved for my father in another generation’s sacrifice-yourself-for-your-man mindset. This was when I was a teen. Terrible decision, and the divorce was not long after. You have to move because you and your partner want to be together, not because you’re following him or her. Subtle but key difference.
I moved for my SO eight years ago, but it was to an area with very poor economic prospects. I got a low-income job immediately (about $24,000/year), but really couldn’t find anything better to even apply for. She divorced me in six months.
This is exactly my situation barring the “he’s found a new job”. He makes more money than me, and together we have quite a good lifestyle. But he doesn’t love his job, and if he found a better one, of course I’d move. It depends on where- I would deeply hate living in a large metropolis, for example, but nearly anywhere else, I’d go.
I love him. I’ve been with him for almost sixteen years now. Of course I’d move for him.
Army brat, Navy [retired] wife. I moved back from Germany, then we moved house because when he retired he got a civilian job. I moved out to be emancipated at 16, then I met a guy and moved down to Virginia Beach, then mrAru and I had a relocation to a new duty station in Connecticut. When he retires again, we are moving again to somewhere with a better tax structure and lower cost of living.
I am not the type of person that gets hooked on a place and refuses to move, nor am I the restless feet type though I do love to travel. Moving onto a boat that is handicap friendly is not out of the question.
A place where I can’t find similar employment for six months, but might find it after that? There’s only a couple places like that in the country for me, and I already live in one of them. Almost any place that’s not a fair-sized city for me is a career-ender, or at least a dead-ender. Any town you name, and I can tell you if I ever have a hope of even seasonal employment in my field in under five minutes. She’s already making more than me and always will, and a 20% increase for her might be as much as 50% of my salary, so with a reduced cost of living we might actually come out ahead financially. But I couldn’t do that, and she wouldn’t want me to.
I’ve moved several times so that my husband can successfully complete his Ph.D. program in clinical psychology. We moved from Michigan to New Jersey, then to South Jersey so I could attend grad school, then back to Central Jersey, and we’re prepping to move again, though we have no idea where yet. I’m probably going to move for him a couple more times. It sucks, but seeing him miserable with his job would suck more.
This scenario implies a degree of dependence that would create a lot of pressure (on me), would be difficult to not let it stress the friendship. I don’t think there is anyone I would put myself in the position to have to depend on, not on this level, have had too many bad experiences already to get myself into this pickle.
I have never been in that situation, but my son was. They were living in NYC and he was in his dream job. She got offered her dream job in the Boston area. They moved. He got a job (actually with the employer he had worked for when they lived in Philly before they went to NY) that he is quite happy with. Actually, when they hired him, it became clear they had no job for him and his first job was to find something to do, which he did. In NY, they were paying very high rent and had no chance to own. They are now living in their own home in a Boston suburb and he works in Boston (she is well out of town) commuting by T.
I have moved a couple of times to be with her. It has been school, twice, and we will be moving again in a 1.5 yrs. The first move required me to quit my job, and career, I took it as an opportunity to find a new different career. The 2nd time I was able to keep my job, but it required a demotion and it took about a year to get back to where I was. This time upcoming I will not move with a job as I wouldn’t want to be demoted again. I will take it as an opportunity to do something else, be it school, or a new career.
I love her, which is why we are married. Therefore I would do anything to be with her. So I never even considered not moving. To me that is the question, careers come and go, but building a life and family with someone is the goal.
Her career has taken a lot more training, and will earn a lot more then I would, which does make it easier I won’t doubt that. However I am not a career driven person, I tend to get bored and enjoy the new challenges.