A few months ago I was diagnosed with cancer (fortunately of a non-fatal variety.) In the process of telling my friends, one of them informed me that he had just split up with his wife of 11 years. While we were comparing notes, he said “I’m glad I have my problems and not yours.” Thinking about it, I realized I also am glad I have my problem than his. Although my wife and I have been through some rough patches, I love her totally and I’d be lost without her. The cancer seems only temporary; a divorce would be forever.
I’m in the same boat as you: had cancer, caught it in stage 1, now fully recovered with a neat scar down my leg. For whatever reason, it never really seemed to stress me out all that much; there was only the one week between learning it was malignant and learning that it hadn’t spread, things just seemed to transition smoothly from optimism to relief. Everyone else around me was freaking out, mostly from the news itself, but also by how mellow I was about the whole thing.
Compared to that, divorce seems much more emotionally wrenching. There’s no worry of death, but there’s probably constant anxiety, doubt and guilt. I’ve never been divorced, but from what I’ve seen I’d rather have cancer.
Now that I think about it more, cancer did allow a kind of warm, comforting self-centeredness. Everyone was sympathetic and supportive toward me, which made it easier to be positive and cheerful, and concentrate on getting back on my feet (literally). Unlike a divorce, there was no need to explain myself, no feeling that I was to blame (according to my doctor, liposarcoma doesn’t have any well-demonstrated causes. It just happens, and frequently in young people), and there was no division of property or friends between me and the tumor. And through all of it, my wife was by my side, which is probably the main reason I’d choose cancer over divorce.
Depends on who you’re married to. Having gone through a divorce already, I’d choose that particular experience over cancer any day. But I can’t say that I’d make the same choice if I ever remarry.
Curable cancer over divorce, but if it’s a cancer with unknown prognosis, I’ll take the divorce without hesitation. I’ve seen the ravages of cancer up close and it ain’t pretty.
Hm. A friend of mine who is probably looking at a divorce said that when she used to consider Bad Things That Might Happen, she had thought of her husband dying, but never of getting divorced.
On the other hand, Mr. S has already watched three immediate family members die of cancer (all within five years), and I think if I were to die of cancer it would pretty much kill him too.
But I’ve known lots of people who’ve survived cancer too.
Tough call! I think I’ll take the cancer and keep my husband, come what may.
Since we get to choose, can we choose our type of cancer? I’ll take one of those skin cancers where you know there’s no danger and almost no treatment and they just tell you to stay out of the sun for the rest of your life, which I’m glad to do anyway. In fact I’d love to have that leverage when there’'s some decisioin making about going to the beach or not.
