I suspect that this is the case in many marriages - both the public ones and the private ones. But even then, if the agreement includes discretion, its been violated if s/he gets caught. Unfortunately, given the microscope public people live their lives under, its unrealistic to believe that you won’t get caught, so when making your perfectly ok between two people agreement, part of the agreement should be “and what happens when its on the front page of the NY Times.” And it could be that the Spitzers have just such an agreement, where she already knew that someday she’d be standing there (perhaps sedated) being “supportive.”
Not sure what I’d do - the point made about standing up there and getting it over with seems good - the media is going to come after you if you go into seclusion anyway. Since I don’t have an open marriage, I think that the marriage would be over.
I think handling the current situation is a whole different issue from deciding the future/continuation of the marriage. First, you deal with the crisis, then you make the necessary decisions. I think I would continue to be there in public until everything got sorted out.
The other thing I see is that by being there with him on that stage she makes herself look like the strong loyal woman, who does all the right things, even while her scumbag husband betrays her. As a culture we have a certain sympathy for the wronged wife. So if I’m being cynical I wonder if she’s up there to twist the knife and make herself look better.
Yes, of course. Given the opportunity I would probably even invent a cover story.
But I don’t even understand the humiliation angle and never have – I have been cheated on (though not by Dearly Beloved) and it never once crossed my mind that I should be humiliated. My pride, dignity, and self worth are not invested in the use of the private parts of my beloved, however beloved. What he does with his naughty bits does not destroy my pride, dignity, or self worth and I cannot figure out why people think it should.
What I would do later or in private is an entirely different thing. And I don’t know. But of course I wouldn’t send him off to face the music alone.
Huh. I might get up there in front of everyone with my louse of a husband, but if I did, I’d wait until the cameras were rolling and bitch slap that POS halfway into next week. Make that ALL the way into next week.
There would be book and interview offers for Dr. Woo, that’s for sure.
Neither one of us is perfect, or a perfect spouse. Not only would I stand there, I would stand there looking all pissy and annoyed, not like a shell-shocked martyr. And I would try to let some reporter corner me somewhere (backstage? in a restroom?) so I could say that (completely off the record, of course), with a weary little sigh.
This is about the sex. The money is another story. That is just … ridiculously self-indulgent, like a Hummer or a private plane. And I’d be annoyed about going Corporate; I can deal with hookers, but pimps are just scum. I’d not only disapprove, but I would be even more embarrassed by the whole ‘Emperor’s Club’ angle.
All this is hypothetical, because I would have filed for divorced before the political campaign started.
Except, of course, that when one pursues public office, one forgoes much of their privacy, which means that if one must cheat, one should at least be a whole lot more fucking careful. “For better or for worse” does not, in my opinon, mean “endure mortifying public humilation for your stupid, sorry ass”.
I may or may not divorce him. But I’m sure as hell not going to stand up there with him. He got himself into this shitstorm, he can get himself out. I will be very busy meeting with my lawyer, because whether I stay or go, we’ve got some shit to work out, and I want it all in writing.
$80,000 to Spitzer is probably equal to a normal person visiting $20 hookers. Mrs Spitzer is not looking for a book deal. A divorce would be a lot more lucrative to her. Spitzer’s father was what I have seen called a “real estate mogul”. I don’t know for sure what that means exactly in dollar ammount but Eliot Spitzer is very very rich.
500 million is what i read for papa spitzer’s money.
there was a quote in the daily news today. it was sent to a columnist who wrote about this very subject in wends paper.
i can’t remember the quote word for word… the person was waiting for the wife in one of these press conferences to have a “bud dwyer-lorena bobbit moment”.
A middle-age couple is dining at an exclusive restaurant. As the husband is coming back from the washroom, the wife sees him talking with a young woman. When he returns to the table, she asks who the woman was.
He pauses a moment, and then says bluntly, “That was my mistress.”
The wife is of course stunned, and says she wants a divorce.
“Do that if you want,” the husband replied, “but remember the pre-nup we signed. All you’ll get is a modest alimony. No more mansion, no more servants, no more vacation homes, no more exclusive social clubs.”
As this is sinking in, a friend of theirs walks into the restaurant with a young woman on his arm. “Who’s that with Bob?” the wife asks.
“That’s Bob’s mistress.”
The wife looks at her for a moment. “Ours is prettier.”
Dumb as Spitzer’s decisions may have been, he is still a lawyer by trade and was likely smart enough to have a pre-nup if he knew he stood to inherit half a billion dollars (I wouldn’t be surprised if his father insisted he get one). Divorcing him may mean giving up a very comfortable lifestyle, so she may still be weighing the pros and cons.
I’m not the person to whom you’re replying, but I could be. For my part, I didn’t forget the part about “forsaking all others.” I’d just feel like I should honor my vows, completely without regard to what others choose to do about theirs.
It’s not - “I’ll stand by you and forsake all others as long as you do the same, but if you break your vow then all bets are off.”
It’s “whatever you do, wherever you go, I am on your side.”
There are things that would make me rethink this. If my wife tried to kill me, or hurt our daughter. I guess, for me, adultery just doesn’t rise to that level. I know I’m unusual in this regard.
I don’t think you really are. I think most people talk a harder line before they actually confront the decision of whether or not to throw out a 10 (20, 30) year commitment over one (or a few) instances of illicitly lubricated genitals.
When you discuss spousal infidelity in person, embarrassment usually comes up within about five minutes, and it is heart felt. Betrayal, health risks, talking to the kids, financial/professional risk: all these issue are expressed rationally.
Not embarrassment. When people bring that up, words fail and spittle flies.
But, in the end, 20 years of good memories can outweigh one failed promise.
[BTW, sublight’s joke is a lot funnier without the references to money; marriage is a partenership.]
