No kids, wouldn’t go back and change.
I was 30 before the idea of having kids became appealing, and now at almost 33 I worry about finding someone to have them with before it’s too late. Could I change things, I’d have figured out that I’d like kids after all at 25, not 30.
My wife and i waited until we were 33 and I think that for us, that made the difference. At 25, I didn’t want them and wasn’t ready for them.
Having a child is a tough experience. It is a lot of work for both partners, and I shudder to think of how tough it must be for a single parent or one whose partner is detached from the process. I don’t think we will be having another child because of the amount of effort and expense involved in raising two.
I don’t have kids, but if I did it all over again… I don’t know what I’d do. I spent most of my 20s and 30s thinking that I’d have kids at some point. I was waiting for that biological drive that every other woman I know seems to have to kick in, and to get to the point where I really, really wanted a kid. It never happened; there’s never been a time where I thought having a baby even sounded slightly appealing. So here I am at 40, and that train has come and gone; I hear waaaay too many stories about how much harder it is to have kids when you’re older, and I’m at the point where I want my life to be easy, not hard.
I do know at least two women who have told me that they wouldn’t have kids again if they had the choice. One went on to have another kid after swearing to me that the first was not all it was cracked up to be and that she missed the days pre-kid. The other has stuck to her story. 
(Both of these women are great mothers and would never give up their kids.)
I’m glad we had a kid. I’m glad we stopped at one.
Missus Coder and I got married when we were in our late 20’s, and waited about 5 years before we had Little Ralf. He was a happy, healthy boy who went full term and then another week. He has been a great kid - boy scout, drum major in high school marching band, budding actor in community theater, etc. Now he’s in college. I can’t wait to see what he becomes when he lands on his own 2 feet and is ready to take on the world.
But I’m glad we stopped with just one. Having a baby is more work and more expense than I ever imagined. And we were very lucky, in that we both had good full-time jobs that provided incomes and health insurance that covered almost every medical expense. It’s been a pretty good life, too, all in all. It would have been much different if one of us was not working, or only working part time.
But I can imagine what it would have been like without him, and I think I could have enjoyed that life, too. There’s a lot we haven’t been able to do that could have been fun. So at the risk of being accused of being a fence straddler, I think I’d have been happy either way.
We never had kids and, after nineteen and a half years of marriage, know we won’t, although the topic does come up from time to time.
If I had it to do over again, I honestly don’t know if we’d make the choice to have children. Unlike those with progeny, we’ve never experienced the milestones that come with children as they age and grow, nor the associated challenges and rewards. Our lives, therefore, have fewer distinct marks in time, and seems, to us, to be kind of a flow of a single unmarked event from our 20s to now. On the one hand we lack perspective and appreciation for the benefits children bring to a caregiver’s (or parent’s) personal growth over time. On the other hand, however, I suspect our decision to remain child-free has provided a side-benefit of allowing us to seem more youthful than our childbearing friends.
Our friends, who all have children; some, shockingly, adult children, range in age from 37 to 50. We’re both pushing 50 ourselves, yet we constantly get looks and comments of amazement when people find out our ages, which I conveniently drop, unsolicited, into conversations with strangers at social gatherings. 
Our choice not to have children wasn’t really a single decision, but rather a series of delays. There was always something we wanted to do that would be complicated by bringing a child into the picture at that time, e.g., going back to school, vacationing internationally, buying a boat, building our house, and all the other things that afforded us a comfortable lifestyle. One day we simply knew children wouldn’t be in the cards and were okay with it.
Although it would have been interesting, and an achievement in itself, to pass my genes to a descendent, and to experience producing, raising and loving a child, I can’t muster too much regret at our decision not to have done so. Of course, had we gone down that path, I’d probably read this post in quizzical disbelief and possibly horror. 
Children are a lot of work and I resisted having a third, but I would ceertainly do it all over again. If only they didn’t live so far away! But they have their own lives (and own kids) now.
We have two wonderful children: one who has a slight learning disability and the other who has type 1 diabetes. Life is a constant struggle, and expenses are larger than most families simply because of all the prescriptions. It’s hard. But I wouldn’t change a thing. I have to admit, I did a lot of “Why me?” in the beginning, but kept getting the answer, “Why NOT you?”
NinetyWt, I do understand, because I’m there with you.
There is no doubt in the world I’d still want to have my girls. Neither were planned but I didn’t consider for a minute not having my first despite bad circumstances. The second I considered abortion for about a week. The first year of her life was pure hell for me because she had undiagnosed special needs and I had PPD. But she’s five now and I’m fiercely protective.
My oldest is, as I’ve said many times, my best friend and has been most of her life. Some people think that’s weird but we pretty much grew up together. She made me a better person.
The only thing I wish I could go back and change is the fathers. But that’s my own stupidity there, and really I don’t know if I’d change that either or it might change my daughters.
Yes I would do it again, plus one more. But 2 are really enough, they are now approaching their teenage years and I can’t wait! Really I am looking forward to all the drama and excitement and terror!
Ain’t that the truth. Having to explain, especially when it’s something most people haven’t heard of or think is an excuse to “drug” my child (I don’t and I don’t think there is a drug that helps SPD) gets so tiresome. If I TRULY had a wish, it was that the other adults would change, not my own family.
No, I wouldn’t have them if I could take it back. Then again, my experience may be colored by the person I actually did have kids with.
OK let me amend that to “I definitely would NOT have had kids with the crazy girl again”
I was 36 and my wife 28 when our son was born. It was the right time and we were to the points in our lives as adults where we had enough “me” time and had done a lot of the things we wanted to do as a free adult. Take up different hobbies, travel, stay out late, etc. As an adult you owe it to yourself to not be strapped down for a while.
I feel sorry for (and have witnessed it in my two older sisters) people who get married very young and start a family without ever having fun on their own.
Suddenly they are a 30 something with teenagers and asking themselves “When do I get some time to do the things I want to do” and some mild resentment creeps in.
Both my sisters got married when they were 21/22 had kids and as soon as the kids graduated high school my sisters got restless, wanted divorces, and wanted to start reliving their 20s that they felt they were robbed of.
How much of “all” do we get to do again? As far back as high school, when I could’ve listened to the guidance counselor who tried to discourage me from my chosen career path because “there’s no money in it”? I’d like to think I’d have a kid, or maybe two, but would not have chosen a lazy, irresponsible jackass to be the dad.
I am sad daily that I cannot support my son in the manner to which I believe he deserves to become accustomed. (mainly that I won’t be able to pay for, or even contribute much to his education). I will admit to thinking on occasion, that had I not had a child being underemployed would be less of an issue because I could live alone in a cheaper neighborhood without concern for the quality of the public schools. Most of the time this leads to “I wish I’d gotten a job with benefits, and had a savings account, and didn’t screw up my credit” rather than “I wish I didn’t have a kid”
For me the real truth of it is that I should never have gotten married. And I’m not selfless enough to choose single motherhood, so I’d likely not have a kid given a chance to rewrite the script of my life.
I think I would still have kids, but I wonder what they would have been like if I had married someone else. I’m glad that both of my boys got my intelligence and my exe’s athletic ability. (the opposite scenario would have been sad)
When I was in the Air Force, new moms got 30 days “convalescent leave” (45 days if it was a c-section). For some women, 30 days was too much time to be home with the baby. For others, it was not enough. And you never really knew how the woman would react until AFTER the baby was born. Some women never should have had kids, and you did not find that out until after the fact.
DivineComedienne wrote “When he was a baby, people told me “It’ll get a lot easier when he can walk.” When he was a toddler, “It’ll get a lot easier when he is in school.” When he was in school, “It’ll get a lot easier when he is a teenager.” And so on. It has never gotten easier or smoother”
The reality is that you trade one set of challenges with another set as they grow up. Each age has it’s positive and negative side. My mom always said “You cannot wait until they walk. You cannot wait until they talk. Then you tell them to sit down and shut up.”
I’m 42, hubby is 54. No kids, no regrets. It’s not for us.
We have one kid, later in life - I was 38 and my wife was 39.
I seriously wish we had started earlier. Now, four years later, we are probably too old to have another safely, and too easily tired.
I’m thankful each and every day that we finally decided to go for it. I was certainly apprehensive about it, and of course it changes your whole life. For us, that change was mostly for the better, despite all the hard work and undoubted pains.
For me, a moment that sort of symbolized what it meant to me was the day my father took my son out in a canoe last summer. The mist was rising from the lake - it was a perfect morning; my son was so excited to see everything; and suddenly, like I woke up from a long sleep, I remembered that this was beautiful - the trees fringing the lake, reflected on the water in the mist. I remembered my grandfather taking me out in the canoe, thirty five years ago, in the very same spot - it was like an epiphany; grandfathers and grandsons, all the way down the line, back into the misty past.
I know he’ll remember that day for the rest of his life, no matter what comes after.
My kids are three and five. I would definitely have them again. One one hand, I wish I had been a bit younger when we had them; on the other hand, I’m glad my wife and I had a few childless years of marriage first.
The only thing we could have done differently is to get married sooner, but since I married her within nine months of meeting her it’s not like I dragged my feet.
No, I would not have the kid if I could take the mulligan. I didn’t really care for kids before Mrs El Nene came along but she wanted a litter and everyone always says that it’s different with your own kids. Well, I learned the hard way that it’s really not different. Don’t get me wrong. I love el nenito to pieces and I do the best I can but I’ll be glad when leaves to his grandparents house this summer.
DH and I are 42 and feel the same. Even what some might call “what if” moments don’t amount to more than, “If I’d had a daughter, I wouldn’t have given her [my dumb-ass] first and middle name combination.”
If the only reason I can think if that a kid could maybe possibly even a little seem like a good idea is to work out my name issues, I think I’ve made the right decision.