DC, I already had gotten from your posts about being a SAHM in the other thread that you might possibly have regretted some of it, or at least wished it was easier. No shitstorm here. Everyone has regrets.
As for me, I never had kids and haven’t ever regretted it. I’m 34 now. Ask me in another 10 years, I guess, but people keep threatening this biological clock at me and the only thing that happens as I get older is I want kids LESS.
I know my dad loves me, but I’m willing to bet he would admit to not wanting to have kids if he could have a do-over.
I have 2 kids, and would do it over in a second. In fact, I’d even reverse my husband’s vasectomy and go for a third! They are the most stressful addition to my life, but bring complete and utter joy which outweighs any negative. Plus, who the hell will take care of me when I’m old and feeble? It builds character to raise children, without a doubt.
I’d have them, but probably differently. I have 4 kids, and if I could do it over I’d surely stop at 3. #4 was very hard for me, not because he was an unusually difficult baby, just because it was too much for me to handle.
I can’t imagine NOT having kids though.
I have one and I wouldn’t change anything EXCEPT I would have done more “stuff” before having her - travelling, bought some “toys” etc…
Also, I would ahve had another one when she was younger, now it just seems like a lot of trouble to have another
Absolutely, except (if this this a “if I knew then what I know now” situation) the timetable would’ve been pushed up five years or so. We went years of trying unsuccessfully to have a child until my wife had uterine surgery. If we had known at the time that that would have allowed her to get pregnant right away, then we wouldn’t have wasted five years. We would’ve had two, about two years apart.
As it stands, I love The Littlest Briston completely and am very happy to have her, but I would have liked to have given her a sibling.
It’s a little tricky for me to answer. I thank god for my son and wouldn’t trade him for the world. I feel the same about my daughter who we adopted through DCFS.
The problem comes with everything in between. We went through years of fertility treatments after our son was born to try and get pregnant again. We lost a total of 6 babies, three of them in the second trimester.
While we desperately wanted all of them, each loss ripped us apart. After we adopted our daughter my wife got pregnant without assistance. The last one was the worst because my wife developed a post op infection that ate through her fascia layer creating an abdominal hernia. She has had an open abdominal wound of one form or another requiring 40 surgeries (another wound debridement scheduled for this Monday!) for over 7 years now which has devastated us financially, not to mention emotionally.
So if we stopped after our son we never would have gone through the losses which led us to try adoption and so we wouldn’t have our daughter. I guess I’d go through all of those again. But then I would have gotten myself fixed so we wouldn’t have gone through so much hurt and disaster. I don’t want to disparage his existence but our lives would have been better if we had never gotten pregnant.
Absolutely I would do it again. In fact, I now regret that I didn’t have more kids. Now don’t get me wrong, they are the biggest pains in the ass and the biggest heart breaks of my life in so many ways, the little shits. In other ways they are the light of my life and the reason to get out of bed each day - the good easily outweighs the bad and the rollercoaster ride has been interesting in a gut-wrenching sort of way.
I had one…then waited 6 years and had another…then waited 6 years and had another. 
Mine are now 13, almost 8 and 19 months old. I get the best of all the worlds right now.
Sure there are days I think “What am I doing?” but for the most part I wouldn’t change a thing.
A huge advantage for me is that Sauron is a great dad and partner.
But, he has informed me we are done. All 3 of my pregnancies were hard and all 3 induced early.
Heh, it’s such a trade-off.
We did the “stuff” first in spades - travel, toys, I found work in a high-pressure profession, money - and we were well-set financially before having a kid; but as a result, we were comparatively old, and my wife’s labour was difficult. If we’d started earlier a second would have been more an option. Now, I’d worry about the health implications and frankly we are just getting too old and tired to do the huge amount of work required.
I don’t regret for a second the travel, earning money, etc., but I sorta regret not starting younger on having kids. If I had a do-over, I’d have started around when I was pretty set in my career - say, six years earlier.
I was somewhat ambivalent in the first place, and raising him has been the absolutely most stressful thing I’ve ever had to endure. So I’m not sure what I would do, although I love him dearly.
The only thing I might change would be to have one more kid (we have two) and have them all a bit earlier on.
I would still choose to have kids. If I could change one thing it would be who they got for a mother. Not for my own sake, I’ve long ago stopped caring about that horrible person, but for their sake. I won’t say raising children is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because honestly when you weigh the rewards versus the challenges, you come out on top, or at least I did.
No shitstorm here for people that have kids but don’t want them; some people are, for whatever reason, just not cut out for it.
Yes I would.
My daughter was an accident, although definitely wanted. And yes, I would do it again.
I would also follow my instincts and never tell her Dad that I was pregnant. I would change jobs, move away, keep our lives clear of him and his family.
But I wouldn’t choose a different man, because then I might have a different child, and she’s just too amazingly wonderful. She is absolutely the reward for every bad thing I’ve had to walk through in my life.
I also understand what you’re feeling though, and I think the word you are looking for is “relentless.” It’s the sheer relentlessness of the need and responsibility and patience required that wears you down bit by bit; and sometimes in chunks.
Anyone who denies it is either lying, or has three nannies, a trust fund and a supportive spouse.
Still, I’ve wished for a break, and I’ve wished for a supportive partner; but I’ve never wished her gone.
You need a break DC - is there any way to get one? In the mean time, hang in there and know you are not alone in your feelings.
No kids, perfectly happy that way.
30 years ago, women had a lot less control over their fertility and having children was a much stronger social norm. Today, there is something of an assumption that having children is a choice. (I know the childfree by choice still get a lot of flak about it, but at least it is more commonly recognized as a choice.) At any rate, it hard for people to complain about something that is generally perceived as what they chose to do with their lives.
Personally, I have two kiddos and think they’re the best thing since sliced bread. However, they’ve been very easy kids. I might feel differently in other circumstances.
I have been blessed (despite having few qualifications to be a good parent, zero friends and relatives with young kids living nearby to be supportive role models, and a piss poor collection of loser relatives for bonding purposes) with one beautiful and intelligent daughter who is every parent’s dream child. Lucky for me! It has been a nerve-wracking, anxious 20 years, but I’m told I’ve done good. I cleaned up my act, did a lot of reading, and threw myself into parenthood. Never particularly wanted to be a parent as I am an anxious type who had to basically do it all on my own, and because there were genetic concerns, was told not to risk having another kid, so stopped at one. … I love her more than my own life, more than anything in the whole world. But I’m not done being a mother yet, you are correct, there is always something else at every age. Whether a newborn, a terrible-two year old, a bullied middle-schooler, the anxious high school years…wait till they learn to drive! Wait till they go off to college and you don’t hear a peep for weeks on end! Wait till they come back home and can’t find a job and don’t know what to do with themselves! So it’s always something, at every age, cause you are and forever will be a parent. One was enough for me.
The highs are the highest highs you will ever experience.
The lows are unspeakable, you think you will die.
I do wish maybe I’d been younger, but we’ve done well in every way with just one, and I was happier when she was out of babyhood - the grade school years were a blast. I’m not sorry I had my baby girl, but sometimes I’m surprised she turned out so well. Once was enough.
No kids, and I can’t come up with a single good reason to have one.
If I were the last man on earth, and the last woman on earth wanted to have a child with me to preserve the human race, I’d still say no. 
No kids and I wouldn’t change that for anything.
One daughter. I would not trade having her for any experience that a person could possibly have.
There’s a thousand things I’d do differently. But not that.