Or, if you weren’t wearing one, what would you think of someone who chose to wear it?
I’m not exactly sure how I feel. In general, it does sort of squick me out, even though I’m not exactly sure why. People telling me they were raped doesn’t freak me out…I just don’t know if I like the idea of putting it on a shirt. More because my idea of opening up to someone would entail actually having an intimate conversation with them, rather than putting something on a shirt and letting anyone see it. Maybe the fact that it’s open to everyone is what freaks me out?
Geez… that’s a toughie. I’ve never been raped, so I personally would never wear one, but as a general matter, I guess it boils down to the following: Does it trivialize rape, raise public awareness, or both, and in what degrees? Calls for empirical data in my book.
I’m not sure how I’d react to it. I think it’s wonderful that someone is able to express themselves and share in that manner, but I don’t know that I’d be able to offer an appropriate reaction to it. I’d probably just end up coming off as an idiot because I’d stare at it, stutter and ultimately eek out an “I’m so sorry.” Which I’m guessing is not necessarily what the wearer is looking for.
I was raped once, but I don’t consider “rape survivor” any more part of my character makeup than “food poisoning survivor” is, even though I had a nasty tuna sandwich Kathy Gabriel traded me in the third grade.
Perhaps I’m just marvelously well-adjusted, perhaps enough time has passed (damn, almost 25 years)that’s it not an issue for me anymore. Or maybe it’s just that even if it were more recent, assigning something that happened to me as part of my identity seems like giving the perpetrator eternal control in some way.
I’m not ashamed of what happened to me, I’ve long ago come to terms with what I consider to be my responsibility in what happened, nor would I hesitate to volunteer the information in context, but no. I would not wear a shirt, or button, or bumper sticker, etc.
Yes, the wearer is advertising that he or she was raped. Wearing a statement on a t-shirt is a means of giving information to whomever sees the shirt (i.e. the public.)
I do not see a reason to advertise such facts to the public. Yes, the negative experiences of our lives define us as much as (if not more than) the positive ones. This doesn’t mean that they need to be anounced to the world.
It seems more like a plea for attention/pity than “opening up” (to everyone you pass on the street?) I imagine that most people (myself included) would react as Asimovian describes. Unless you seek to have your personal interactions all shaped by a single past tragedy, I see no reason that you would wear this.
I can’t imagine wearing one(and I’ve never been raped), but I can respect someone wearing one to a rally.
In the context of ordinary life, I’m afraid that shock value strikes me as at least as likely an explanation for why someone would wear such a shirt as a desire to be open and honest with me about her past. As such, I’d be uncomfortable with it, especially as I can’t think of a good way to ask whether someone is wearing such a shirt for shock value or as an attempt to raise awareness that rape victims are otherwise ordinary people or whatever.
I have a few female friends who have admitted to me that they were raped. In each case, it’s something that came up only in private conversation, in the context of a long, intimate friendship. I feel safe in saying none of them would ever wear such a shirt in any setting.
If I saw a woman in that t-shirt, my gut reaction would be that she was either lying about it and wearing the t-shirt for attention’s sake, or that she was really hurting and reacting badly.
I saw a bit about this on CNN.com. At one point she said something like “If I had known what to call it, that there were others who had the same thing happen to them, it would’ve helped.” Hello? You’ve never heard of rape or rape victims? It’s hardly a new concept.
I think that it’s there for the shock value. I don’t like it and would never wear one.
I don’t see how this is opening up to me (or who ever happens to see the shirt). It’s not opening up to show something like this to passersby. It’s a random announcement. Opening up implies back and forth communication.
Things she might have meant:
[ul]She was a victim of “date rape” or “gray rape” or whatever it is kids are calling it these days. Raped by a boyfriend in a romantic setting.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped but she doesn’t feel lasting scaring.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped but she does feel lasting scaring.
[/ul]
[ul]She was raped by her doctor/lawyer/priest/father’s best friend/roommate/brother/bartender or someone else she knew and trusted.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped by a stranger.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped by a soldier.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped under the threat of physical violence.[/ul]
[ul]She was raped under emotional duress, but not physical.[/ul]
And so on…
Much like unhappy childhoods, rape in an intensely personal experience, from the way it happens to the emotional, psychological and physical aftermath. We tend to become, if you’ll forgive us, incredibly self-concerned for a while trying to process it, and that means we can forget that we’re not alone. Most of us, short of a mugging and rape, spend at least some time trying to figure out if we were “really” raped, or if our experience deserves the title of rape. Maybe it was “just assault”. Maybe he “just got carried away.” Maybe it was “just a misunderstanding”. And then, after we’ve accepted the label for our experience, comes the long journey of figuring out where you lie on the scale of “not-that-bad” to “horrifying.” Just *how *raped were you? I mean, says Susie, I was raped, sure, but I wasn’t tied up for 48 hours by an intruder and raped repeatedly between beatings, like Mary, so its not like you can compare the two, really. (True story of one of my friends, by the way. Name changed to protect the weary.)
I think it would be interesting for a university to sponsor a “Rape Awareness Day” in which women who wanted to could wear these shirts or something similar so that people can see what a widespread problem rape really is. (Out of my closest 20 female friends, a grand total of 2 have not been raped or sexually molested. So my perception may be skewed the *other *way.)
I would absolutely wear one of these t-shirts to a rally or some other event in which I was working to raise awareness. There I think it entirely appropriate to put a face on rape. But it would have to be in a context where I was ready and willing to answer questions, to accept and deal with shocked looks, and where the people who were going to see it and have to deal with their own shock and discomfort had given consent by being there*. Otherwise, it’s uncomfortably like rape itself to me. I don’t feel like getting you involved in my sexual story without your consent is any more ethical than what was done to me.
*And that includes pretty much any thread with “rape” in the title.
I can see the principle behind it - there is still a stigma of shame associated with rape victims, and perhaps the t-shirt may be a way of saying that they shouldn’t feel the need to be ashamed. It definitely forces other people to confront their own discomfort surrounding the subject.
It does seem like TMI on some level, though. There are things about me that I am not ashamed of but would not necessarily bring up in casual conversation - or put on a shirt, for that matter. Partly because I value my privacy, but also because I doubt the other person cares to know and wouldn’t particularly appreciate me telling them.
Hey! I went to college with Jennifer Baumgardner. It’s fun to follow her career from afar.
And no, I wouldn’t wear that t-shirt – it’s weird enough to spark conversations about my favorite band based on my shirt, much less my hypothetical status as a crime victim.
Also, I’m a guy, which doesn’t make the statement impossible but certainly makes it less likely.
My thinking, too (I was going to write ‘I don’t know anyone close to me who’s been raped’… then I remembered three. None pressed charges). I can’t really imagine too many rape victims wanting to wear the shirt while, say, out shopping. Really, though, if someone wants to wear it, that’s up to him or her. I hate to think about the comments they’d get, though.
The abortion shirt I understand a bit more, but maybe that’s because it’s a choice and a popular debate topic.
ETA I suppose I can think of one instance – if a college campus was abuzz about a rape and the victim felt like she was already being stared at and talked about, perhaps wearing this shirt would help her shut people up (or spark intelligent discussion).
I think a lot of the problem is that people sometimes associate “private” with “shame.” There are plenty of things in my life that I’m not ashamed of, but don’t necessarily want to share with strangers.
