You raise the dough, I’ll happily do the deed.
Of course, you’d also have to come up with a 55-gallon drum of maggots as well. 
Wow that site is AWESOME. Who are these people and why didn’t I know them in high school??? The fun we could have had!
Thanks Dijon Warlock for the enjoyable 30 minutes and the opportunity to share with fellow cow orkers!
…Why the hell did I just read this entire thread? I just took a shower and I already feel oogy.
Another maggot thread. Wherein I relay my most recent maggoty story.
Slight hijack of my own thread:
Happy Friday…management brought us cookies. Don’t they look like a perfect snack to enjoy while reading this thread?
Nothin gets maggoty better than people…
I responded to one chap who had hung humself while his family (wife and kids) were at a family reunion out of state. It was August. He did it outside. The family was gone for almost 10 days.
There were maggots EVERYwhere. Every orifice, every fissure, his skin absolutely alive with the horrors of maggot infestation, safe to say after 15 years of emergency response, that was probably the single most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.
And that includes the 570 pound woman with a rotting sandwich in her fat folds, and the incapacitated, disease-addled crack whore with the roll of fivers up her rotting hoo-hah.
Whew – the story in the OP’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I thought you were going to link to this Snopes article about
a guy whose exposed brain was infested with maggots.
DEFINITELY not for the weak stomached. Most of the rest of the stories posted here I simply couldn’t bring myself to read. <shudder>
I’m in for twenty bucks of that action.
If this thread is any indication, all we need is a barrel, five pounds of ground round, and a month.
Roll out the barrel, put your arm in a barrel of funk
Necrotic tissue, maggots and smells worse than skunk
Join in betting a Franklin over plenty of beer
When a hand joins maggots in a barrel
A rotting head can’t be told from a rear
lieu…
you are a sick, sick, sick individual.
Must be why I like reading your posts
Decisions, decisions…
Well, not quite maggots, but pretty close …
growing up, my parents’ kitchen was infested with gypsy moths for some reason, and we never could get rid of 'em, not that we tried all that hard. They would find their way into everything (bread, flour, cereal, pasta etc) and have babies. They were small, white, with little brown dots at one end. Basically like grains of rice with a dot. For most of my childhood I was afraid to eat the rice, until we started keeping the rice in the fridge. I still have to keep my rice locked up tight, even though I live far away from those moths (we have palmetto bugs instead ::shudder::).
And the grossest thing I’ve ever been elbow deep in is wet dog food …
That would have been heaven for my moth-eating cat.
Weeeell! Talk about “stuff your best friends won’t tell you.”
Did none of this poor bastard’s acquaintances say, “Hey Charlie, you really oughta do something about that BIG GAPING FESTERING HOLE IN THE FRONT OF YOUR FUCKING SKULL, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD”?
My abbreviated maggot story:
Friend of mine worked as a night manager at a locally owned convenience store/pharmacy in a not so nice area of Roselle, NJ. Some of the locals were homeless, and they tended to hang out in the general vicinity of the store.
One night I was visiting said friend, awaiting his shift’s ending, when a customer complained about the particularly foul stench of one of the local homeless addicts outside.
Unable to revive him to any level of coherence, the paramedics and police were eventually summoned. The man was in bad shape. Years of drug and alcohol abuse and unclean living conditions (he slept in a gas station bathroom, and you know how clean those are) had very nearly destroyed him and left his leg gangrenous, thus most of the stench.
The paramedics revived him enough to get him to speak at least, but all he could do was complain about the pain in his leg. When they cut away his filthy pants and peeled away his grime blackened sock (complete with what was left of his skin), thousands of maggots spewed forth, falling into a sickening pile at the paramedic’s feet.
Many a lunch was lost by bystanders.
There was another time a few friends and I, who used a disused set of railroad tracks as a shortcut to many places, stumbled upon two half-rotted cow’s heads that had obviously been sitting out in the sun for a while.
While trying to figure out where the heck they came from, and how the heck they got there, we went to the closest friend’s house and grabbed a few garbage bags. For whatever reason, I still don’t know why, we had decided we had to have these heads, complete with maggots and flies and whatever other strange kinds of bugs had made them their home.
Though the smell was horrendous, and the bugs that flew or jumped away when we moved the heads was nauseating, the worst part was actually carrying it. A cow’s head, half bare to the bone but presumably with most of the brain still in it, is surprisingly heavy. Fortunately, the bag did not rip open during transport, but the only way I could carry them (being the only one brave or stupid enough to do so) was over my shoulder. The feeling and sound of the bugs within the plastic garbage bag flying and buzzing and eating and moving against my back was truly the most will testing event in my life, bar none.
As a side note, one friend put his head into an old spackle bucket with a semi-tight lid atop it, to let the bugs do their work (he had some plan for the actual skull), but his dogs got into it and quickened the process…
Taken out of context, that is a truely bizarre paragraph.
If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college…
A bit of background information:
My mother hates maggots. Hates, hates, hates them. She can clean up two kids’ food-poisoning-prompted puke, she could deal with seeing my finger gashed open with a knife and, and she could deal with the time, when I was 15, that the tampon got stuck and would. not. come. out. She cannot, however, deal with maggots on a sane level.
My mother also dislikes squirrels. This is because we had a family of squirrels living in our basement’s false ceiling for about a month in fall, 1999. After a lengthy battle involving a BB gun, a baseball bat, our cats, and a bucket full of cat food, we managed to evict all of them in one way or another. About 2 weeks after the last one had been caught and released in the woods on the other side of town, we thought we were safe.
I woke up early on Columbus Day, stumbled downstairs without my glasses (forgetting that it was a holiday), and turned on the light. On the floor of the living room, a then 15 year-old me sees some white, curled shapes on the dark brown carpet of our family room.
Gross, I think to myself. Dad must’ve cut his nails down here or something. Nasty.
I then remember that, hey, I don’t have school the next day.
Fuck this. I’m going back to bed.
And I do.
Later on–after about 11 AM when I woke up–I find out that the white shapes we’d seen downstairs were maggots, not nail clippings, and my mom had had to vacuum them up. Apparently, one of the squirrels hadn’t quite made it out. . .
Yeah. Since then…can’t stand maggots. I felt really bad about not cleaning them up, though…I thought it was something I could get during the day. Plus…15…day off…
I still feel guilty.
Always happy to make the world a better (and more maggoty) place.
The same guy also did the Stinky Feet Project. His dedication to science is humbling. It also got him lunch with Penn Gillette.
End all Maggot stories:
I use to work on a farm where I had to power wash the barns once a week. The rooms were about 30 x 20 ft and had a manure pit underneath, covered with slatted floor, a prefect environment for flies. Before I washed the room, I turned on the sprinklers for about 1 hr. Maggots do not like water, so all of the maggots from the manure pit climbed out to reach drier ground. When I returned, I found a room covered floor to ceiling with maggots. There wasn’t an inch of space to walk on without stepping on maggots. The worst was when I opened the door to go in, maggots fell on top of me. I still had to wash the room, which took me about 5 hrs. Maggots were flying everywhere!
A side note: Another employee had the pleasant experience of a maggot climbing into his ear after putting ear protectors on that the maggot was hiding in!