The non-article headlines have made for some of the funniest Onion moments. One of my favorites is: “Jenna Bush’s Federally Protected Wetlands Now Open For Public Drilling” (which appeared on her 18th birthday, I believe). Gold.
Another short and simple one, published right after the death of George Harrison:
“Ringo Next.”
Terri Gross interviewed some of the Onion editors awhile ago, and they mentioned a headline that even they thought was too far. It was one they considered running in their utterly brilliant post-9/11 issue:
Daniel
Favorite non-article headline:
Like Boxes of Shit in Your House? Get a Cat.
Favorite article headline:
[photo of wolf]
We Are Sick and Tired of Raising Your Young
No-frills abortion kit: A hungry rat on a string.
Top that!
They often poke fun at celebrity deaths. One of my favorites from recent times: Pope-Killing Virus claims yet another victim
Compared to the Bush Braces as Cindy Sheehan’s Other Son Drowns in New Orleans article it’s pretty pale.
My favorite was always “Ringo Next.” The day after George Harrison died.
I’m glad I haven’t got my coffee yet… Sorry people, but that one really made me laugh out loud.
It’s the kind of line that could have been written by an especially morose Israeli cynic.
Favorite article headline, bar none:
Four or Five Dudes Jump Out of Nowhere and Just Start Wailing on This One Guy
Not terrific, but not too bad and not unusually tasteless.
“McVeigh’s Prison Number Retired”
All time favorite:
Pope to Rescind Blessed Status of the Meek. “Screw the Meek” Says Pope.
Also, “Is Your Toddler Sexy Enough?”
Caption to the famous photograph of a Tianenmen Square protester standing in front of a tank:
“Stirring Symbol of Human Spirit Difficult to Clean Out of Tank Treads”
Study Reveals Babies Are Stupid
Wow. Thanks for giving me the best laugh I’ve had all week. I’m serious.
I loved “Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeros” so much I bought the t-shirt. Not tasteless, I grant you, but funny.
…actually, this particular article made me cry…
Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake
My favorite Onion article is pretty tame, but my wife and I loved it and we often quote the title to each other during difficult conversations.
Improved Communication Destroys Marriage.
Love that Quadragon title…
-Tcat
I was always fond of Bill Gates Grants Self 18 Dexterity, 20 Charisma. The character stat sheet is priceless.