The hell he did.
It has been made VERY CLEAR what the issue was, by me and other gay dopers.
This is not about paranoia, unless it is the paranoia of others feeling we not only don’t know what color the sky is, but that it is falling as well.
You are wrong. My objection is that, as a 40-year-old gay man who has seen many friends and acquaintances die of AIDS, I am very aware of safer sex practices. For you, or anyone to assume that you have superior knowledge or experience of HIV is highly presumptuous.
The bais lesson to take from this is not to offer unsolicited advice, particularly on a topic on which you are trying to advise people who are more knowlegeable than you.
OK’s, so far I’ve read comments like:
and
and many variations on the same (posters’ names deleted cause I’m not trying to attack anybody).
These show ignorance of two things - statistics and the assessment of risk.
First, stats. In the aggregate, violence is indeed likely to happen when people engage in semi-anonymous casual sex. But it is extremely unlikely to occur to any individual who engages in such behavior. Consider the tens of millions of casual sexual encounters that occur in this country every year (straight or gay). Consider how many of them end up with a violent attack. Calculate the odds.
The answer is that there is indeed an increased risk of injury or death from casual sexual encounters, as opposed to staying home that night, but the increase in risk is extremely small.
This increased risk has caused some people in this thread to characterize that risk as “stupid” “unnecessary” and the like. That is a judgment based on how that poster assesses risks and benefits. You poster obviously have weighed the potential harm (rape, assault, death) against the potential benefits (sex) and the chance of harm, and have come to your own conclusion. And that’s why you don’t engage in semi-anonymous sex.
Scott Evil has obviously come to a different conclusion. And that’s why he does engage in semi-anonymous sex.
We all validly assess risks and benefits differently. I’ve jumped out of airplanes, which I’m sure a hell of a lot of people perceive as a “stupid, unnecessary” risk. Me, I weighed the odds of injury, the potential injury, and the benefits, and decided to jump. My life, my value system, my choice.
On the other hand, I think that riding a motorcycle is a “stupid, unnecessary risk.” (Sorry, Coldfire) To my mind, the benefits of riding a motorcycle, as compared to a car, don’t even come close to outweighing the increased risks. My life, my value system, my choice.
What I don’t do, however, is rail at Coldfire for his “stupidity” every time he mentions his bike on these boards. Because I give Coldfire the benefit of the doubt - that he has considered the risks and made his choice. And I recognize that there is no reason why he should adhere to my risk assessments.
Before you say that “well, this is different,” how is it different. Scott Evil has voluntarily assumed an increased risk to his body and/or life. Whoop-di-do. So have motorcycle riders, sky divers, swimmers, boaters, mountain climbers, etc. All increase the risk in their lives because they derive pleasure from the risky activity.
IOW, back off.
Sua
You know, in whatserchick’s comment about “freakish sexual adventures”, there are a couple ways of looking at it.
One is that she’s a horrible homophobe.
The other is that she got this picture in her head about two relative strangers, one of whom is passed out and both of whom stink of booze, tangled up under a blanket on the couch. This bizarre character comes in with a “chyck” in tow (I picture a skanky chick snapping gum and a flamboyant art collector, just to throw in a stereotype), upon which said collector runs an inventory on the comatose’s belongings.
It seems pretty freakish to me, and it is a sexual experience (and damn, that chyck is hot!)
::applauds Sua::
Wait a minute.
You jump out of airplanes that are not crashing!?
Are you insane?
Sua, you are my Hero of the Day. Bless you.
Esprix
“People like you” in this context refers to “condescending, patronizing buttinskis who have the arrongance to lecture gay men on a depressing fact of life that no gay man with a brain can ever forget.”
Yet people are still dying of AIDS, aren’t they? New cases of AIDS every day…right?
And people get hit by cars every day. What IS your point?
Yes, new cases of HIV infection and the unfortunate crossover to AIDS every day. It makes me want to scream, cry, and what not.
I know (knew? 
) many people who are HIV-positive, both IRL and online. I often wonder how they’re doing, and hope they’re taking their protease inhibitors and all that other stuff. God, I take enough pills in the course of a day (for other reasons, obviously). I’d hate to have to take a whole bunch more, at regimented times, some of which could make me feel ill even though they’re helping me stay alive.
I hate the fact that this scourge became associated with gay men simply because:
-
Unprotected anal intercourse is far more conducive to viral infection than vaginal intercourse.
-
The promiscuous lifestyle of many gay men in the 1970s did nothing but propagate the number of HIV infections* see footnote.
-
All of it was blamed on “Patient Zero,” a gay French-Canadian flight attendant who supposedly brought HIV/AIDS to North America. Yes, he was indeed promiscuous and did spread the virus to many people. However, let us not forget that his cooperation with the CDC (or whatever organization) in the early days of the plague was what confirmed that the disease was sexually transmitted. (This is based on several accounts I’ve read, so forgive me if I’m wrong.) As well, it has been proven that HIV/AIDS existed in North America, as well as other non-African countries, as early as the 1950s.
-
Going into the washroom of a gay bar in Montreal, I see cases of free condoms in little ziplocks, along with lube, and instructions on how to properly put on a condom. I’ve also seen graphic signs about condom use in restaurants in the Gay Village here. I don’t go to str8 bars so I don’t know if it’s the same. I’d be surprised if it were.
I also hate the fact that an online friend of mine stated that he hated the fact that if modern medicine doesn’t advance soon enough, he’ll be dead by the time he’s 50. He’s my age now.
I hate the fact that had I been born 10 or maybe even 5 years earlier, and hence started having sex earlier, I could well be HIV-positive right now. But at the same time, I feel lucky. I only started having sex with men in 1989, by which time all of this AIDS crap had already been drilled into our heads.
I hate the fact that, before I came out, I mentioned to my mother that there had been a school assembly about HIV/AIDS and prevention, and her reply was, “Well, that’s good, now that it’s spreading into the heterosexual community.” (She’s long since changed her ideas, thanks to me, her loving gay son, whom she loves unconditionally.)
I hate the fact that when I came out to my parents, the first words out of my mouth after “I’m gay” were “I don’t have AIDS.” This was because I just figured that would be their first question. I also hate the fact that they must worry about me being infected with HIV. I hate the fact that I had to tell them I’m a top and use condoms. I hate the fact that whenever my father comes to help me move, there’s a condom that has mysteriously found its way under my bed that I have to dispose of quickly. I hate the fact that my mother - whom I love dearly - has to tell me to protect myself. The poor woman never had to do that with my sister or brother. She doesn’t think of their sex lives, but given that I’m gay and could potentially be infected, she has to let down that barrier and think about my own sex life. I don’t think that’s the easiest thing for a parent to do.
I hate the fact that every time I hug my nephew or nieces that I worry that their parents might think I have HIV (even though they’re not stupid enough to believe it’s spread through casual contact), or be some pedophile, for that matter.
I hate the fact that when I was still in the closet, I was in a class where the teacher brought up HIV/AIDS and some jock said something to the effect of some homo using the drinking fountain and then he does and he gets AIDS bla bla bla, and I was too petrified to say anything (I was only 13). If I could go back now, I’d tear him a new one. Drinking fountain? Hadn’t that myth already been dispelled? At least I knew it had, at the time. But I kept my mouth shut because I had already been labelled a faggot.
And I hate the fact that this ever happened. Granted, it united the Queer community. Still, for some clueless twits out there, it’s still GRID.
- The promicuous lifestyle of many gay men in the 1970s differs greatly from the same lifestyle of gay men in the 1980s, 1990s, and now. The poor guys had no idea what was going to happen, and even when things came to light, no one really knew quite what to do. It saddens me incredibly. I’m grateful to be a sexually active gay male adult in a time where we know about all this stuff.
- s.e.
Scott, pal.
If I ever find myself in Montreal (or you ever visit my home town here in the UK), I’m gonna so buy you a beer.
scott, I think you’re pretty cool. I just WORRY about you guys, you know!
BTW, how’s Bunny?
Bunny isn’t here yet. She’ll be arriving next weekend. I guess I’ll have to clean up this disaster of an apartment… and bunny-proof it. ::sigh::
- s.e.
Scott, did your man ever call you back? If not by now, what the hell’s his problem?
Scott,
Just a quick word. I thought that was a beautiful post. It was rational, heartfelt, and gives a great deal of insight into where you are coming from.
I have to be honest. Prior to this thread and the gobear thread about being gay not being equivalent to having AIDS, I never would have imagined that a gay person would take offense to being given advice on playing it safe. I’m starting to understand however. But I gain far more understanding from rational, calm, posts, explaining this position than from “You aren’t fucking gay, you fucking breeder so shut the fuck up because you don’t know what you are talking about”. Even as a gay person, I get turned off by the hostility. Granted, I’m not really involved in the gay scene. I haven’t walked in your shoes and won’t pretend otherwise. So I don’t relate to the anger and frustration as well as I’m sure I would if led a similar life.
The funny thing is, it could just have easily been me chiming in with I hope you are being careful. If I had, I would have meant it out of sincere concern, not because I wanted to preach. And I probably would have been flabbergasted when I got a bunch of angry replies. My defenses might have even gone up and I would have said things I later regretted.
I guess all I would ask you and the other gay members on the board to consider is that sometimes (not always, I’m sure) there are people out there who would never intentionally preach to others but feel, I don’t know, that they have a responsibility to give out the safe-sex speech in the sense of better safe than sorry.
I though the analogy of people saying “Drive safely!” was a good one. When people say that, I sometimes want to say “Well, of course I’m going to drive safely, you moron” but I realize that they say it because they care. They mean no harm or disrespect.
I know I am not saying anything new here and I hope it causes no offense. Lastly, if you are ever in southern California, I’d love to buy you a beer.
Take care,
Eric
Obviously, the proper reply is that if he’s actually putting his mouth on the drinking fountain, he deserves whatever he gets. 
Best damn post to this thread yet, musicman
…musicman.
Dammit.
No fucking way…
musicGUY.
Dammit… ah, ALL! Yeah, that’s it.
Good save, CnoteChrist.
Just want to say that SuaSponte’s post as well as Scott Evil’s most recent post we definite positive contributions to the SD community. I hope that most members of the SD read them for their own edification and sense of compassion.