So the only place I can find a copy of the new Gorillaz single is on launch.yahoo.com. They want me to register so that I can watch the music video; fair enough, Yahoo. I’ll play by your rules. After giving Yahoo the 20 questions, it confirms my e-mail address and informs me that it’s time to customize my market preferences!
…what? Oh I see what you’re doing, you sly fuckers. You signed me up for a bunch of spam, and are only now telling me about it. Well you can’t pull the wool over my eyes, I’ll uncheck every box. Now I’m saving my preferences and waiting for the next page to load. Oh yes, victory shall be mi…TEN DAYS TO ACTIVATE? WHAT WEASEL-TOOTHED CUMDUMPSTER FROM HELL SPAWNED YOU? We’ve been to the moon, we’ve got wonderbra, and god knows what technology went into the scrubbing bubbles to make them scrub so beautifully, but you can’t stop sending me junk for ten days? Well fuck you too, Mr Yahoo.
But I’ve got an account now, and I can finally watch the music video for the new single. Lemme just log in, navigate to the correct page, and squeal in pain as you shove your dong in my ass. What do you mean, you don’t support Firefox? You’re a direct competitor with Microsoft, and you don’t want to take the trouble of supporting my browser? You sons of bitches.
Maybe I’ll mark it up to laziness. Yeah, laziness. I’ll play by your rules, but this song had better be fucking good. I load up Internet Explorer, and log into Yahoo! Well…not so much. See, I type my verified password and usernames in, and you give me a 404. After a refresh, you tell me I’ve got the wrong password.
Every single time.
Upon review of the situation, I just might have to kill a bitch.