Yay! I just got an update from my SIL. She has dumped the guy and isn’t moving back to LA. Now she just needs a place to stay for a month and someone that could loan her a car…
D&R!
Did I mention she had to get off the phone to go have lunch with her ex-husband?
In her defense, she was raised by a woman who defines herself by her husbands, who has never, ever been alone and has gone from one marriage to the next with no time in between. Hell, her current husband asked her father(!) for his daughters hand in marriage when she was still married! (Did I mention that her father was as old school conservative as they get? I thought he was going to have a coronary.)
I honestly believe that people who can’t be alone are destined for multiple relationship failures. If it their has to be somebody then anybody will do. Any port in a storm indeed. Ever person I’ve ever met who either has multiple marriages or engagements under their belt invariably are pathologically unable to be alone. And how the hell do you tell someone that the 4th time is the charm? Actually, I know this answer, a customer of mine is on his 4th marriage, he told her this one is 4-ever. Bleh.
Interestingly, my mother and my mother-in-law were tied for marriages (3) but my MIL pulled ahead with #4 (until he decides to leave HER for the next younger co-ed that falls for his smarmy crap) while my mother finally decided she was horrible at marriage and has been single for a long time. I was married at 32, my husband was 30. Our first marriages. My brother didn’t marry until he was 30. It seems the backlash from the “normal” ones is to wait a good long time. Both my husbands grandparents and mine were married ONCE until death. Dont’ know why they got such wacky daughters.
My mother always told me that I “would marry the first guy that asked” like that was a bad thing. In my addled little head, I didn’t really think more than one person should be asking…and ultimately, I did marry the first one that asked. We’ve been together 13 years now.
My Grandmother thinks it is hilarious she’s had 8 sons-in-law with 3 daughters. The ex-husbands outnumber the children. Isn’t there a thread about if spouses should be as much family as family? In our case? Hell no, there should be a revolving door or Bewitched tattoo on our mothers.
But that’s just it. You were allowed to be the thinker, the bright one–things were expected of YOU. What was expected of your sister? Not much, but to be pretty, to be “girly” etc. Now that she’s a woman–she doesn’t know what to be.
Sure, I’m generalizing, but I think I’m on track. To reference a certain movie, (Sixteen Candles), Sam is waaay different than her older sister, but that’s because she had to find other ways to be. Her sister’s ways wouldn’t work for her.
Just some thoughts. It sounds to me like she’s stuck in Romance and hasn’t moved onto Life. Sad.
I don’t see any anger in the OP. Just a weariness and a lot of concern.
And actually it does significantly impact the whole family when you welcome a new person into your family with great fanfare and then have it end. When it happens over and over, it gets kind of tough. Divorces can indirectly cause hurt feelings for a lot of people.
My mom is getting married this June. I found out via text message. She got upset because I didn’t call her to chat about it. This will be #4 (excluding fiances that didn’t materialize into husbands and my father).
She thinks I don’t like her SO, but I just really don’t care anymore. He’s cool when I stay at their place when I’m visiting, but we mostly stay out of each others’ way. She thinks I don’t like his family because I didn’t want to go there for Thanksgiving. I went to my best friend’s parent’s house instead. She doesn’t understand that I don’t dislike these people; they’re all very nice, but I’m 21 years old and my idea of who my family is (excluding future in-laws) is set. I didn’t grow up with his family, I have no relationship with them, I’m just his fiance’s adult daughter. I can be nice when we’re visiting, but there’s no way I’m going out of my way to try to connect with them.
Did I mention that her wedding will be one week before I graduate from college? Way to try to take my glory. First of my generation to graduate, and it’ll be overshadowed by her freaking FOURTH wedding.