Yeah, I'm pretty much an idiot, yes?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

Just to be a bit more precise; by “balding” I mean a spot of thinner hair on the crown, not combover level or anything, and i’m 6’1" and built more like a football player with a bit of a beer belly than Danny DeVito. Still not Brad Pitt-like, I know.

I’ve been busy recently so I haven’t had a chance to talk to her since the thread started, but I definitely want to find out the story behind the teaching thing. She didn’t specify much about the job and maybe I did misunderstand her.

I’m also not planning on “making a move” besides catching a movie with her; I don’t want to misread her intentions and screw up the friendship. I’m pretty sure if she wants something more, she’ll find a way to make it known.

62

To quote my old college-roommate Rob, (who funnily enough visited me yesterday), “slip her the sausage!”

63

May-December? You’re 37. Surely that’s more like April-July? August at an extreme :wink:

The “half+7” formula is a rule of thumb, not a law. I say, see where it goes (and get some clarification on the teacher thing). She sounds like she’s worth taking a chance on.

64

I guess I’m the lone dissenting opinion here.

For her sake, I’d keep some distance. When I was 19, I was pretty self-assured and could certainly act mature. I moved in with a very serious young man and we did the whole couple thing- buying furniture in Ikea, adopting a cat, etc. Things can move pretty fast at that age- especially if you are looking for some stability.

When I look back, I lament spending my young years playing house instead of doing the things that young people do. When I should have been out meeting people and exploring the city, I was snuggled up at home watching Netflix. Sure, it was nice, but you’re only young once. When I was at my most sexually attractive I should have been having adventures and having different dating experiences. Instead, I had the pleasant but dull sex life of a married person. When I should have been joining Peace Corps and applying for grad school I was finding jobs near my boyfriend’s jobs and worrying about rent.

I know it was my choice, but if I had been on my own I think I would have made much better use of those years. Being with someone older or more mature in any way does mean you will hold back parts of yourself, even if you don’t notice it. Honestly I think people that age should be discouraged from getting into serious relationships at all. They should have some time to develop on their own. But if they are in relationships it should be with someone who is also learning, discovering and exploring what it means to be an adult.

65

This is exactly why my mother (who is 12 years younger than my father) always told me to not date someone more than a few years older than me.

66

This assumes that crazy/pathological liars need a cost:benefit reason to lie, which they don’t – that’s what makes them pathological. I’m not judging this particular woman, though tales of exceptional achievement are the staple of barroom pathological liars (the male version is Navy SEAL), but remember what someone said of Bill Clinton – “He lies even when he doesn’t have to.”

67

OK, I’m only 33, but if I live to 100 I don’t forsee any point in my life where I would turn down an attractive 19-year-old simply for being 19.

68

Maybe she’s dislexic and she’s really 91. AHA! Now we’ve caught her out.

Jeez, some of you are really overthinking things here.

69

Bah - if someone asks me what I do, and I don’t know how familiar they are with the world of finance, it’s a heck of a lot easier to say ‘banking’, even though what I do has almost zero to do with actual banking. 95 people out of a 100 wouldn’t have a clue if I told them what my job title was. Explaining student teaching etc could be a hassle to people that aren’t familiar with how it all works, and saying ‘she’s a teacher’ (because that’s kinda what she does and what she wants to do) is probably much easier in the course of normal conversation.

I had a relationship with someone about 10 years younger than me - I didn’t know exactly how old she was until our second or third date, and boy was I surprised - and it ended fairly quickly when she turned out to be a lying cheat (not about her age. Only about how faithful she would be). Also had a relationship with someone only slightly older than the OP’s young lady, when I was only slightly younger than the OP. Like the OP, it was initiated by her, and once I got over the initial shock (an attractive young lady wants to take *me *out on a date?!) it turned out just fine. More than just fine, in fact.

So to the OP: I don’t know what you’re waiting for! Go where life takes you. Keep one eye open, not because of her age, but because you should do so before entering in to any relationship, regardless of the age or occupation of the other person.

70

Perfectly said! That, and use rubbers.

71

Well, I’m not ready to write her off as a pathological anything just yet. I might wait till we actually, you know, go out once or twice. :slight_smile:

I probably won’t get a chance to talk to her in person again until the weekend, but I did ask one of her co-workers about the teaching thing; she didn’t know for sure but she did say that Ashley does *some * kind of work involving kids, so it may be a case of her using the term “teacher” in a broad sense.

Regarding the possibility of robbing her of her “fun” years; I did think about that, actually. My defense against this is that I have no intention whatsoever of shacking up with someone at this point, let alone “playing house.” if I do end up dating her, it’s going to be dating, not domestication for either of us, as far as I’m concerned.

Reading some of the more skeptical responses here reminds me of a girl I recently went out with twice, if you count the night I met her; she seemed nice enough (and this one was 35 years old) but on that first night she told me about her ex, who apparently WAS a pathological liar, who managed to get her to let him move in with her and co-sign a loan for a car before she found out that, well, he didn’t actually have 4 degrees from MIT and Harvard and in fact knew very little about computer science, genetics, architecture or business. Ouch; guess her bullshit detector was on the fritz back then. I decided to ask her to lunch, because I thought that anything more might be too much, too soon; she was obviously wanting to be cautious after the last guy. So we set a lunch date for two days later. The night before, I started getting texts from her, asking a lot of questions that quite honestly made me feel more like I was being vetted for a Supreme Court appointment than a first date. We had lunch and it was fine, but I never contacted her again; I’m not looking for a contract or anything that requires a credit check and 3 references.

72

Cuckoo, your first mistake was to overthink this. You second mistake is to overdiscuss this in this thread. Seriously, forget every damn piece of advice here and just be a normal, upstanding citizen.

73

Just be a good guy to her. Don’t move in with her, don’t marry her, none of that, let her grow up, but damnit, I was damn attracted to older men when I was around that age. Follow the campground rule referenced earlier and go on dates with her and treat her nicely.

74

Really, no worries there. I always treat women with respect, even the ones who quite honestly are bitchy; just part of my upbringing I suppose. Hate to disappoint the “fuck her fuck her fuck her” crowd; while I am not going to NOT make a move if the circumstances are right, I wouldn’t be attracted to her strictly based on physique; there are a lot of girls out there that are physically attractive, but relatively few of those are still attractive after a few conversations.

75

Of course, now that I’m contemplating some sort of relationship with Ashley, a woman I hooked up with a few months ago starts texting me, asking if I’ll be out and about this weekend, and if we can meet up. Could be totally innocent, I’m sure. Cue sitcom scenario where I’m running back and forth between two dates. BAD TIMING!

76

Ah, Cuck, if only we all had your problems! :wink:

77

There’s always the possibility that, say, she teaches piano or art outside of a school setting. Usually people would say they are instructors, but she could use the term ‘teacher’.

78

just a couple of comments:

There is something a little , well,… unlikely… going on here.

If she is 19, she is lying about being a teacher, and has not completed college.
If she is was a prodigy, and proud to tell you about it, why isn’t she doing something better than working as a waitress?
Ask her about her previous jobs, etc. If she has always know her goal was to be a teacher, what did she do to attain that goal? Doesn’t she prefer to work (or volunteer) with children’s groups, instead of pouring beer for balding 37 year olds?

and, just on the creepy side…
She appears to be lying, or at least exagerrating, about some basic issues.
What about her age? Is it possible that she’s not 19?

79

OK, crazy update time!

I went to the bar where Ashely works last night at around 9 or so, and she was working. First thing I checked on was the teacher bit; she’s apparently aspiring to be a teacher, so that kind of solves that mystery. She asked me to draw a portrait of her, and I did. She was done with work by 10:30 or so, and I had the portrait ready by then. She loved the drawing, and gave me a hug and a quick kiss; not a lover’s kiss, no tongue or anything, but also not on the cheek either. She sat with me while she ate her after-work meal. We made small talk, and while she was eating, guess who texted me? Yep, the aforementioned hookup from a little while ago; we can call her Laura.

Laura wanted to know if I was out and about and where I was. I told her. Ashley had to get going, as she needed to get up early for some reason, so she gave me a hug and another quick kiss and left. About ten or fifteen minutes later, Laura showed up. Here’s the background on Laura; she’s 31, divorced, has two little girls aged 6 and 4, and recently quit her job (without another job lined up…ouch.) Ashely is relatively tall (maybe 5’10" or so), blonde, and maybe 20 or so pounds overweight; in contrast, Laura is about 5’6", a redhead and very petite. There was, as you might expect, a marked difference in the interaction with Laura versus Ashley.

With Laura, there was a lot more physical interaction, as in her touching my shoulder or thigh as she talked…and if she wanted to whisper something to me, the touch would often go from top of thigh to about 6 inches away from YESYESYES territory. She stayed with me until close and we talked about a lot of things, most of it being light conversation with a lot of humor. Conversation drifted from our crazy ideas about opening a restaurant/hotel combo chain to the sensitivity of nipples (long story) and when she was ready to leave, I got another kiss; this also on the lips, also not open-mouthed, tongue searching level, but she lingered a bit longer, and gave me a playful slap on the ass as she left.

One of the bartenders cut right to the chase and asked me outright; “What’s up with you and those two?” To which I could only say, “I really am not sure.”

Pros with Ashley:
Young, pretty, smart girl. Well-read and ambitious.
Cons with Ashely:
Intelligent but not experienced and still needing education in certain areas. Age difference could be a barrier no matter how you slice it.
**
Pros with Laura:**
Relatively close in age, intelligent, well-read plus I’ve always had a thing for redheads. Also not shy when it comes to talking about her nipples. I gotta count that as a pro.
Cons with Laura:
Two kids, a divorce, and currently no job; pretty much every red flag in my head is saying she’s looking for a sugar daddy.

I do enjoy my time with her and find her attractive, and of course the age difference isn’t that much…but I’m skeptical of her motives, moreso than I am of Ashely’s motives. She has kids and she really wants to provide for them, so maybe she’s looking for someone to take care of her and her kids more than seeking some deep connection to someone in a romantic sense.

So far, no sex; hell, the kisses are kinda tame, too. More investigation warranted.

80

Christ, Cuckoorex! No offense, but – DUDE! Get a grip.

Nobody’s asking you to make a life-long commitment here. Hell, nobody’s even asking you for a weekend commitment.

If you want to date Ashley, do it. If you want to date Laura, do it. The two options do not preclude one another. Relax. Enjoy the crazy ride that is life. If things seem like they’re getting serious with one of the two, you can deal with that when the time comes.

Just be safe. Oh, and never, never again meet Laura at the bar where Ashley works.