Those of you who might have been rooting against me in this thread…well, here’s your schadenfreude moment:
I was out tonight and Ashley had the night off. Lauren, however, being jobless and all, was out, and she saw me and sought me out. We had a lot of banter and some dancing and a good dose of her leaning up against me and me caressing her lower back, and yes I did get a couple of kisses.
She had mentioned before that she had gone out a couple of times with this guy Martin (pronounced Maar TEEEN) and that he was a neurosurgeon but kind of socially awkward plus he smoked pot the night before surgery. She gave me the impression that she wasn’t impressed with him.
So back to tonight; she shows up and seems to be all about me, kissing me, sitting on my knee at one point, touching my inner thigh blah blah blah…and periodically she says she’s going to check out the scene at other places around downtown. OK, cool. She left and came back maybe three or four times, each time she sought me out, same deal as before.
So we’re there grooving to a song that the DJ played and she’s teaching me some dance steps (she supposedly used to work at a local dance studio) and lo and behold, an Arabic guy shows up and starts pointing at me and saying something in a very thick accent that I can’t discern over the music and Lauren grabs his hand and takes him off to somewhere.
I spent the rest of the night (only an hour and a half, maybe) watching them dance.
No explanation, but hey, I don’t need one; he’s a neurosurgeon and I’m not. I may be good at conversation but she’s a divorcee with two kids and she wants a provider. (Oh, and I also found out tonight that she’s actually not technically a divorcee YET…separated but paperwork still pending or something like that) She never texted or came over to talk to me after Martin showed up.
This leads me to believe that not only was I played, I was played like a fuckin’ ROOKIE. As in, I can’t believe I fell for that shit. I had a lot of potential texts I wanted to send her, such as:
“Hey, hope you’re having a good night. Maybe you should have let me know that Martin wasn’t just some guy you dated and then wrote off. Would have saved some explaining for you later.”
“Hey, what’s the best joke Martin ever told you?”
“If I were a neurosurgeon, you totally would have picked me over Martin, right?”
"So I don’t normally tell people this, but I inherited $300 million dollars recently. You think maybe you might want to see a movie sometime?
And my personal favorite: No text at all. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about my feelings, she is just trying to keep her “options” happy. And the most monetarily lucrative option takes priority. I can understand that.
There’s actually a kind of funny side to this that makes me smile a bit; I do have a lot of “girlfriends”, very few of which I have intimate relations with, but I do get something vital out of the relationship. For example, one woman who is married and 7 months pregnant; I met her while she was just starting to date her husband; she had been divorced from a guy who verbally abused her and just sounded like a total asshole. She married a guy who is not abusive and not in any way a bad guy. But they seem totally mismatched. She ends up being a NASCAR widow, an NFL widow, a “It’s hunting/fishing/ice fishing/whatever season widow” She hates it. She calls or texts me whenever this happens, which ends up being at least once a week…more now that she’s pregnant and a bit hormonal. Thing is, and **THIS is the point, people,
** I don’t want to be married to her, I don’t even want anything sexual; we have a really great chemistry together, and maybe it would have been great in a marriage, but it’s pretty damned good just as friends. She fulfills something in my life that I treasure. The same thing goes for the Jolie-lipped girl who kisses me; honestly, she has the best kisses I’ve ever experienced, and those piercing blue eyes, and she provides that for me. Kelly? (Sorry, hard to keep track of fake names) She like I said was a MAJOR crush I had before, so until the day I die, even if she never sees me again, I’m going to remember the awesome kisses we had. And that’s cool. (Though I have to say, yes I felt dizzy when she was kissing me, and if by some crazy chance we ended up doing more than that, I would probably be found comatose with a silly grin on my face three days later; yeah, the crush was pretty bad)
My overall point is that for a while now I haven’t felt like I need to have any one person provide EVERYTHING for me; I have female friends who provide most major needs; the Jolie lips girl has great kisses; another female friend I haven’t mentioned is just an amazing person, honestly one of the best people I know, and a great friend. Ashley has a great, vital energy about her and I enjoy being around her. Lauren…? Well, I’m mad at her right now and I do feel like I was played like a rookie, but I do enjoy talking to her and spending time with her; eventually maybe that kind of relationship will work with us.
But right now, I really do feel like I’ve been taken for a ride. I mean, I was pretty much convinced that if ANYONE was really interested in me, it was Lauren. I thought that even more so this past night up until Martin showed up and I was left with dead silence. How the fuck do I compete with a neurosurgeon? I have some relatively decent knowledge about neuropsychology, thanks to Olver Sacks and V.S. Ramachandran, but recreational education doesn’t pay the bills. Based on what Lauren’s said, I could, all OTHER things being equal, give this guy some serious competition. But as far as I’m concerned, she’s chosen her path.
So not likely with Lauren, I doubt Ashley is looking for a relationship with me, Jolie-lips is fine but honestly is just there for the kisses, and Kelly…? Well, unless something radical happens she just occupies my daydreams and memories so far.
You might have sensed that I’m a bit bitter right now; that is true. I was SO sure Lauren really liked me, and now I feel like a fool. I’m not sure what’s worse, that she isn’t that much into me, or that I was taken like a rookie.
Argh. Angry. Fire BAD.
I’m very likely to die alone.
