Yeah So, Tell Me Something

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Not like something all TMI-y, because honestly, I don’t want to hear it. But you know how sometimes you have this little niggling thought bouncing around in your head and you don’t think it’s worth it’s own thread and it doesn’t fit in with any of the threads that are currently on the Boards, and yet you want to get it out of your head and let it live it’s own life far, far away from you, sort of like kids, only not really? Well, put it here. Or not, I really don’t care. But if you want, you can. I don’t mind. It’s like a service, from me to you. Don’t even worry about hijacking this, because you can’t. It’s just not possible to hijack this.

Here goes. I’ll start:

Craft Project

You need:
a hammer
a nail
a longish piece of string
a coffee can
the ability to hammer a nail a little
the ability to tie a simple knot
some water
First take the coffee can (It has to be empty, that’s why I said “coffee can” and not “a can of coffee”. Also, it doesn’t really have to be a coffee can, just a biggish can. You can get a really big can of fruit or pudding or something and that would work. It just has to be a big can. A one pound coffee can (that would be a can a pound of coffee comes in, not a can that coffee comes in the weighs a whole pound) would work pretty well, that’s why I specified that. A 2 1/2 pound coffee can would work too. Or a paint can. You get the idea. If you don’t want to use a coffee can, use something else. It’s up to you.) and turn it over so that the open end is resting comfortably on the floor, or your workbench, or somewhere where it won’t hurt anything when you whang on it with the hammer. But that’s a later step, the whanging.

Now, take the nail and put it, point down, in the middle of the bottom of the coffee can and pop a hole in the bottom of it (the coffee can). Like this: tap, tap, tap, bang! Then pull the nail back out of the hole. You can put the nail away now because you won’t be needing it again and you don’t want to accidentally step on it. While you’re at it, you can put the hammer away too. A clean work area is a happy work area. So now you have a coffee can (that was empty when you started this) with a hole in its bottom.

Take one end of your string (It can be any kind of string you want. Well, almost any kind. This wouldn’t work so well with kite string, but any kind of good string or twine or cord should work, even a shoelace if that’s what you have. You know what would work pretty well? A rawhide thong. But not the kinky underwear kind of rawhide thong. That would be gross.) and stick it through the hole in the bottom of your coffee can.

Now, tie a knot in the string (on the inside of the can) so it doesn’t come back out of the hole if you were to pull on it (the string).

Get the string wet and your hand too. I get my right hand wet since I’m right handed. You do what you want.

Now, holding the can in your dry hand, grab the string firmly, but not too tightly, and pull your hand down the string.

If you did everything right, it makes a big noise, like: BRRRERRROOOOUUUGGGGHHHH!!! You can scare house pets with it, and sometimes kids too. If you were to bring this to work with you and play with it, I’d suggest doing it on a Friday, or at least a day when the boss is out. Or drunk. If your boss is drunk, you can get away with a lot of crap.
Berries

The mulberries in my backyard are ripe. They aren’t as good as raspberries or blackberries, but the tree was there when we moved in.
I am a…

Grandson
Son
and
Father
plus a
Brother
(both older and younger)
and a
Cousin.

But as a result of a conspiracy amongst mine siblings, the
Uncle
slot has been cruelly denied me.

-Rue.

2

Except around here.
Good morning, Rue.

3

It occurs to me that Davy Jones’ mother’s brother is a Monkees uncle. Or was, he may be deceased by now.

4

But… but… you’re Uncle Rue, Story Guy, aren’t you? That’s how I think of you - a kindly uncle who has lots of cool stories and maybe gum.

I harvested 10 tomatoes this weekend, but my cucumber plants done bit the dust. Gardening in Florida can be a pain in the butt - especially when it’s dry. But we had a bunch of rain this weekend, so there’s that.

My dalmatian’s skin looks really pink and her hair is kinda thinning. I don’t know if it’s a reaction to the weather or if she’s diseased, or if she’s doing it to tick me off. Anybody want a pinkish dalmatian? She’s mostly housetrained…

And on Friday, my husband is leaving me. (How’s that for a cheesy cry for attention??) No, it’s not a marital breakup. I’ll be starting a thread about it - consider this a sneak preview.

5

L-ing O L at that, ShibbOleth. L enough to scare the neighbours’ dog.
My thought, brought on by yet another injury caused to me by the corner of a piece of furniture, is this:

Why must furniture have corners?

6

Once when I was at junior school I made a little wooden car. You could wind up the elastic band and it went! That was cool. Also, I made a little aeroplane out of balsa wood and it glided farther than everyone else’s. I shoulda become an engineer.

Seein’ as how Rue is an arty type, I think he should scan in some of the art he’s done. Or photos of the art. I bet it’s good.

We used to have a cherry tree and an apple tree and a pear tree in our back garden, but we don’t any more. It is only a small garden and they took up space. But I would like to have cherries again. Perhaps I am romanticising it though. I think the birds all had a peck at the fruit before we could have any anyway.

I am a grand-daughter, a daughter and a cousin. I will never be a proper auntie. But a friend has just developed a bun in the oven and perhaps I could be Auntie Fran to it.

Rue is everyone’s uncle. He’s a big bunch of Uncleness.

7

I cleaned my back porch this weekend. Took everything, well, most everything, ya see, I can’t move the hot tub and I left the three tables on the porch and the two rubbermaid storage thingies, which contain stuff like bug spray, plant fertilizer and towels to dry off with after being in the hot tub, off the porch, swept the porch, washed the porch, cleaned all the stuff I took off the porch and left on the porch and put all the stuff back I took off the porch. Then, yesterday morning, I go out and there’s all the spider webs again. I have to knock down spider webs all the time on my back porch. I know spiders need a place to live but not on my back porch.

My burning question is…why, even though I keep knocking em down, do the spiders just insist on putting up new spider webs every freakin’ day? Ya’d think they’d get the hint and move.

I am a son, a brother, an uncle and a great uncle. I’ll never be a grandfather, great grandfather, etc. cause I don’t have kids and don’t want any. I like being the uncle/great uncle who gives the good presents. That’s enough for me.

8

Oh, and I’m the only child daughter of two only children, partnered to an only child son of an only child father and a mother with one childless sister.

So, no brothers, no sisters, no aunts, no uncles, no cousins. Will never be aunt, unless things change far more drastically than I’d like.

And now I notice that my username is an anagram of “aunts”. Why must this world mock me with anagrams and wound me with furniture corners?

9

They enjoy the challenge. It’s a little known fact that spiders are actually masochist adrenelin junkies. You’ve seen them bunjee-jump after all. Every time you knock down their web, they just keep coming back for more. They love it. They have clubs where they go to get together and swap web stories, which are like war stories only with more silk.

They’ve developed a whole culture around it. The motto is Spiders: thrill providers.

Those who are slightly more domesticated go with Web spinners: fly dinner winners.

Spider mottos. It’s the way forward.

10

Rue, you make me feel so young.
You make me feel so spring-has-sprung.
And every time I see you post, I’m such a happy individual.
The moment that you speak, I wanna go play hide-n-seek, I wanna go and bounce the moon just like a toy balloon.

Or maybe not, but I told you something, did I not?

11

I’m reading a biography of Carl Sagan called Carl Sagan by a man named William Poundstone.

I think that’s a really great title for a book about Carl Sagan.

I’m delighted by the fact that Sagan was a pothead.

(I’m an uncle several times over [horney siblings, apparently], but I’m passing on the father bit)

12

I’m an aunt 3 times, tho my first nephew was given up for adoption 19 years ago - I often wonder if he’ll ever seek his roots.

And I walked into a spider web this morning - stupid spider decided that going across my patio door was a good idea, and when I went out to give the dogs fresh water… ick!

So, Francesca, what kind of motto inspired that wanton disregard for my freshly-washed hair? Spiders - we don’t care about your hair…

13

Spiders: shampoo colliders.

14

Spiders: we’re watching you, we are, with our eight beady eyes and our slavering fangs dripping with venom. Go on. Turn out the light.

15

Would Rue’s noisemaker thingy made out of the can and string scare away the spiders?

Your kindly Uncle Rue may have solved your problem before you even formulated it.

He’s just that good.

16

I’ll never be financially successful, I know that.

I don’t really have a dream, or anything that I’m truly passionate about.

All I want is a secure, lifetime job which:

  • pays enough for me to afford a one-bedroom apartment in a clean, safe neighborhood

  • is easy enough that I can beat the quota without really trying

  • and which I don’t have to worry about during my off hours.

I don’t want to own a home because maintaining it is too expensive and too much hassle. Ditto for a car.

Sometimes I really think I wasn’t meant to be an American.

17

Do they even make one-pound coffee cans any more? Most cans I see are about 12 to 14 ounces. Would that work? You can buy a pound of coffee in one of those bags with the bendy-clip tops, but that may not work so well. What about decaf? Would Hazelnut be okay? How about French Vanilla? Or would that make a noise that would only scare poodles? I’d hate to be accused of making a dog-scaring device that targeted only certain breeds, but I think most people would make an exception where poodles are concerned. Nobody likes poodles. Even those people that show them in dog shows are thinking “Why am I running alongside such a stupid looking dog?” Poodles have amazingly low self-esteem, but I think that’s somehow related to the poofy haircuts poodle-haters force them to wear (“hah-hah, such stupid dogs. Let’s give them weird haircuts and dye them pink. That’ll show 'em”).

If you ever need to know the rough length of something, take a dollar bill out of your wallet. Then go into a store and buy a ruler. Measure away.

18

I don’t like spiders.

I don’t get enough sleep.

Onion bagels with cream cheese make a good breakfast; so does a big bowl of Lucky Charms cereal.

I have ugly feet

System of a Down is the rockin’-est band to come out in the last five years or so, from a strictly “loud fast rules” standpoint, IMHO.

I am finished posting in this thread. For now.

-Dirty

19

Hey, it’s not as blazingly hot today as it was yesterday. Perhaps I’ll bake some bread. Also, I think I want pita with olive oil and parmesan for breakfast.

Bother, there’s other people’s fabric all over my floor. It seems, as soon as more than one sewing project moves in, my room becomes crowded and difficult to work in. Some of it’s startlingly nice stuff though- SO’s Aragorn coat (olive green wool) and Legolas tunic (dark brown raw silk), friend’s Ren Faire outfit (shot silk dupioni and very nice indian wool brocade), other friend’s ten uncompleted sewing projects (too much to list).

Is it only me, or are a lot of government forms ambiguously worded? Do they have no editors?

What defines serious music? Musical quality and complexity? friend asked me this yesterday. I’m still working on an answer.

20

I have 15 nieces and nephews, and 11 great-nieces and -nephews. And I’m only 28 years old. But I have 4 sisters and a brother, none of which apparently took sex ed in school. I am the only person in my family without kids.

That, and when I read the OP, I thought you were going to make tin-can phones. I just couldn’t figure out where the water came in. When I got to the noise part, I almost wet my pants. Then I realized I must do this at some point this week, at work. I just have to figure out a way to not freak out the patients as well, since I work in a psychiatric hospital.