Yes, I was nice to you. Stop following me around like a damn puppy.

Yes, at the beginning of the night’s work, I did explain to you that the reason we have to wear the stupid plastic wristbands is so that the scientists in the convention center can track our migration patterns. I say that to everyone who asks. It does not mean that I want to have a long term relationship with you.

Now, we have each been assigned our tasks for the night. Your task is to empty the trash cans in the little booths. My task is to try to vacuum a vast stretch of carpet in an area of the exhibit hall where there are no working electrical outlets.

Our supervisor had the option of either radioing maintenance and asking them to change a fuse or trip a breaker so I could have a place to plug in my vacuum cleaner, or assigning me to another area. He chose to do neither. So, I am stuck wandering around trying to find an electrical outlet in a place where my very long extension cord will reach to the area I am supposed to vacuum.

You are not helping me.

See, the outlets all have little lights in them that light up to tell you that there is power to the outlet. I mentioned this several times. Yet you continue to follow me around my area of the exhibit hall pointing out outlets whose little lights are not lit, asking, “Did you try this one?” or pointing out power strips and asking the same question, never mind the fact that the power strip in question is plugged into an outlet whose little light is not lit.

I asked you twice why you are following me around. You told me you are trying to help me. Because, you know, I don’t have two functional eyes in the front of my head that are connected to the fully functional optical center, located in the occipital lobe of my brain, which will perceive little lit lights in the power outlets and convey that information to the parts of my brain that process perceptual information, which will in turn relay said information to the areas of my cerebral cortex that control the motor nerves which will then stimulate the muscular activity necessary to get me over the outlet with the little lit light and plug in my vacuum cleaner.

You are following me around because you are trying to flirt with me. I am not in a mood to flirt. I am in a mood to find an outlet with a little lit light so I can plug in my vacuum cleaner and do my job, which is to vacuum the area of the exhibit hall where there are no working electrical outlets. Right now, my job is not getting done, but I hope that this will change soon, because some of our coworkers have finished vacuuming their areas and one of them may have a spare extension cord which I can use to plug into an outlet with a little lit light in one of the farther reaches of the exhibit hall.

Your job, which, as I stated earlier, is to empty the wastbaskets in the little booths, is also not getting done because you are pretending to try to help me in what is, trust me, a futile attempt to get my phone number.

Being as how our immediate supervisor warned us at the beginning of the night to spread out, he doesn’t want to see people clustered together socializing, and said supervisor is an asshat who enjoys finding excuses to bust people’s balls or ovarios, whichever the individual happens to have in his or her possession, your unhelpful help is putting me in danger of having my ovarios busted.

So, please, take your little mobile dumpster on wheels and wheel it down the aisles of the exhibit hall and empty the wastebaskets in the little booths, and leave me to search for an electrical outlet with a little lit light in peace.

Damn. This sounds like a mythic tale of frustration.

Did he, at any point, mention that one of the little lights might be burned out, thus deceiving you into thinking that it was unavailable when it was, in fact, full of juice and ready to assist you with your vacuuming?

That would be the capping twist to the night, having the universe arrange itself so that you could have escaped him and gotten on with sucking dust out of the carpet if only you hadn’t trusted that little dark light.

Can you hear the small gods laughing?

He did not.

Also, near as I can figure, the little lights were LED’s which means that their being burned out would be extremely unlikely.

The OP said in 669 words what could’ve been said in 50. No offense, but get over yourself. Maybe this guy was annoying, and you were rightly frustrated, but your snooty, overgrown post leads me to believe that you feel you are not only this person’s intellectual superior, but you furthermore insult the intelligence of the dopers who read your post. Get off your high horse and don’t overcomplicate a story with labyrinthine verbage and useless details.
Perfect example:

Translation for those of us who lack The Asbestos Mango’s superior wit:

And yes, I used Microsoft Word® to count the words. :rolleyes:


Don’t pretend you speak for anyone but yourself, bud. You’re the only poster whose intelligence was insulted by the OP, and that clearly ain’t much of a trick.

So, that stick up your ass. Is it permanent, or can you pull it out if need be? Personally, I found the OP humorous and witty. But then, I have one of these, whadayacallits, senses of humor.

I am accused of having no sense of humor? Please tell me who originally created this thread.


Must’ve left it in the other thread, then. Go get it, dust it off, and reread this OP again. Oh, and lose the stick.

Said in 77 words (yes, I used MS Word), what could have been said in 10.

And umm, ahem that was a lame attempt to attract people to read your thread :rolleyes:

Yes, I mean, really Mango, what were you thinking? If you’d wanted to insult Agent Foxtrot’s intelligence you could have just done this :wally , instead of composing an amusing rant.

I fully support Agent Foxtrot’s interpretation of the OP. And by “fully”, I mean “somewhat.”

It was a rather grandiose bit of storytelling, but it was at least moderately amusing. What really tweaked Agent Foxtrot’s tail was your superior overtone, because maybe, just maybe, he’s been in that guy’s shoes. Just plain clueless, in other words.

I know I’ve been there myself, and I know it’s not always pleasant to be reminded of it. Could that be why he lashed out? I’ll end this ridiculous soliloquoy here.

It could have been said in fewer words, but then it wouldn’t have been FUNNY. The repetition and inflated language was funny.

Now, why are LEDs less likely to be burned out that regular lights?

Typical LEDs have a 100,000-hour operating life expectancy, compared to a few thousand hours for a typical incandescent lamp.

Because your average light bulb works by electricity flowing through a very filament, which generates a lot of heat due to electrical resistance. Eventually, the filament will weaken and break due to the heat.

LED’s (light-emitting diodes) are a solid-state thingamajig which has certain properties which cause it to glow when electricity passes through it. There is no tiny filament to break from heat damage, so it takes much longer to burn out- a decade or two as opposed to a year or two.

Eh. I’ve spent my entire life in those shoes. It’s no excuse for being a dick.

What??? That is totally rad. Do you go into more detail about this in some other thread? Cuz right now I am picturing you as a really big rat who knows how to vaccuum :slight_smile:

But seriously…explain or send link plz :slight_smile:

The wristbands are a security thing. The fact that we are wearing it is considered proof positive that we actally are supposed to be in the convention hall after closing time and didn’t just put on a white shirt and black pants, swipe someone’s discarded “temporary custodial employee” sticker and gain access to the building so we could swipe valuable items from the exhibit booths.

The wristbands bear a very strong resemblance to the ones given out by casino security types to underage-looking patrons after they’ve been carded and duly authorized to drink and gamble. I think they’re silly, so I invented the story about tracking migration patterns to amuse myself.

Dammit. Here I was thinking you worked at like the National Scientists Convention Hall. :dubious:

I was thinking some sort of exotic bird or maybe a dolphin. But I couldn’t figure out how a dolphin could vacuum. :confused:

After all the times lame pit rants are ragged on, you take a relatively well-crafted one and shit on it?

Who pissed in your Post Toasties®?