No one’s asking you to “fake” joy…just fake the fact that you’re pissy. Huge difference. A less self-absorbed person would realize what a drag it is to be around them and try to lose the scowl…a simple, neutral face is much better for everyone. Believe it or not, everyone around you has problems, too. They just don’t feel the need to wear them on their sleeve (or face, as the case may be).
Hey, thanks for the bone!
But I will scowl.
[/QUOTE]
And you will suck.
I don’t see where MissTake ever indicated that she was taking out her ill humor on her co-workers, Kalhoun
She clearly states:
In other words, she’s staying in her office, keeping her head down and doing her job.
She’s not being a bitch-she’s just being asked to be left alone.
Is that too much to expect?
Personally, I find that there are two personality types that annoy the crap out of me equally, the first being (mainly but not exclusively) composed of woman who are always going through one trauma or another.
The endless crisis queens.
I call them the “Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows”.
The other type is also comprised mainly but again, not exclusively of woman, who are relentlessly and ceaselessly cheerful all the time and expect you to be the same way.
I suspect that they were members of the pep squad in high school and have never recovered.
They fall into the “Our Lady of the Happy Lobotomy” category.
I agree, and I hate the perpetually perky types as well. But our poster didn’t say she was being accosted by the perpetually perky. She said she wants to scowl. Someone is getting the “pissy” vibe or they wouldn’t be telling her to lighten up.
Like I said, neutral on the outside and bitch on the inside is fine. But if you’re sending out the vibe, you’d better have something serious to bitch about.
I think a lot of whether you should be pissy at work or not depends on how often you’re doing it. Let’s take it as a given that people that work with you can ALWAYS tell when you’re in a bad mood. If you’re my co-worker (and I’m speaking from very recent experience here) and you’re in a pissy mood two days out of every week, then yes, you do need to get the hell over yourself.
If you have a pissy mood occasionally, I will say something like “You’re in a bad mood, aren’t you? I’ll come back tomorrow and we can go over this.” No harm, no foul. If we have to work together right now, then I do expect you to pull yourself together. My work shouldn’t be negatively affected by other people’s moods.
[hijack]This is funny because in one neighbourhood in this city, we have two schools called Notre-Dame-des-Sept-Douleurs (Our Lady of the Seven Pains) and Notre-Dame-du-Sourire (Our Lady of the Smile). Like, within blocks of each other.
Here’s a question: what do you think is more intrusive: being upset, or informing other people that they oughtn’t to appear upset even when not dealing with others? Why isn’t the appearance of other emotions (fatigue, sadness, hell - delight, too) as ‘intrusive’ as a frown?
Here’s a hint: I sometimes have occasion to frequent people who appear pissed off. How do I manage it? I don’t bother them. If I want to chat or be frivolous (which technically shouldn’t be happening on work time, anyway, so I don’t see what the problem is) I address myself to someone who seems to be having a better day.
I don’t let it bother me, for heaven’s sake. I’m a little bit more self-possessed than that. As long as the person is civil to me if I have to deal with them for some important reason, their bad mood is not my business, even if it’s written all over their face.
And if I’m close enough to the person for it to be appropriate, I might ask them how they’re doing, and be prepared to listen sympathetically. (“You look awful” is not a sympathetic comment. Neither is “Oh, it’s not that bad.” Sympathy is “I’m sorry to hear that.”)
In the great sweep of rudeness, allowing it to be perceived that one is having a bad day is fairly low on the list. I’d say it’s well exceeded by attempting to dictate what facial expressions a person may or may not have when by themself.
You’re whining about how someone’s frown screws with your day and you’re calling me self-absorbed? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.
I’d rather be around grumpy-looking folks than liars and phonies any day of the week.
Agreed. And you should be able to turn it off to get something accomplished at work.
I have NOT taken my pissy-ness out on any co-worker. What started it off was my walking over to my desk without the expected “HEY! HOWYA DOIN’? AIN’T LIFE GRAND?!?!” I guess she wanted. When she heard me setting (not banging, just se5tting) stuff down she was over in a flash. “What’s wrong? Did you have a bad evening? Get up on the wrong side of the bed?” No “Hello”, “Good Morning”, or usual welcoming platitude.
ALL BECAUSE I DIDN’T GREET THE WORKPLACE IN A MANNER SHE EXPECTED!
I have NEVER been Miss Happy Chipper Perkyface. I know my personality is generally offputting. I’m not a gossip over the water cooler person. I’m not a “let’s talk about my life” person. I prefer to come in, work, go home. Because I am not in office full time (I telecommute), I accumulate a lot of stuff that must be done when I am here. I do chat here and there. But my job when I am here is…well…my job (Yeah, I know, I should be working now instead of attempting to explain myself here, hunh?)
Since this mornings “chat” wherein I ended up saying “there’s NOTHING wrong, I just have a lot of work to do”, I have received four e-mails from her. Two of the “Smile! God loves you” ilk, one stating I can come to her if I need to talk, and one full of cheesy gifs telling me how wonderful I am and not to let anything get me down.
:smack: :smack:
Suffice it to say, I’m crankier now. But the day is almost over.
I would never ask someone to cheer up (to their face). But this is a message board, the poster opened the topic for discussion. You’re right…someone else’s bad mood is not my business. But their attitude toward me IS my business. Their effect on the rest of the office is ALSO my business. Perpetually pissy people, or even the occasionally pissy person, doesn’t need to share it with the world. Just be pissed off and don’t wear it like a badge of honor.
Well, you’re exactly the type of person who’s getting the bad rap here. Everyone has a bad day once in a while. But if people are telling you to cheer up all the time, you’re probably in the group that just hasto share her shitty lot with the rest of the office. It gets tiresome.
Liars and phonies? Christ, you sound like a child. We’re not talking about “lying”. We’re talking about people who feel the need to wear their mood like an overcoat, making sure everybody knows what a crappy day they’ve had. So they can be the center of attention and everyone can feel sorry for them. Or fear interacting with them.
I agree that IF my bad mood is impairing someone else’s ability to do their job, it’s a problem. If other people feel it’s their duty to perk me up, that’s a problem also. I am dealing with clients as I usually do, not letting my mood override my ability to do my job. I’m just not in the mood to chat.
Agreed. But you didn’t start your rant by saying you were being stalked by the office Perk Police, either. I hate that shit, and actually had to tell a guy off for it once (yes, I believe our office had the only MALE Perk Police Officer in the free world). You made it sound like you just wanted to walk around with a scowl on your face all day and fuck anyone who has to look at it. Your tone seems to have changed.
Nope, I’m still pissy.
But it’s now more of a functioning pissy rather than “beat the tar out of cow-orker” type pissy.
I only have one coworker. If she’s in a pissy mood (and she is, often, as her marriage is breaking up because she’s cheating… I have a whole pit thread somewhere about this) her sighing and teary eyes do get to you after a while.
Those wacky wacky Catholics.
Although I’ve lived in Texas forever, I still find it strange that there’s a city named Corpus Christi.
Hey-my home town is the Body of Christ-what’s yours?
Of course, that’s no weirder than the Sangre de Cristo Mountains in New Mexico.
[/hijack over]
silenus, may I, oh may I, use this as a sig?
Haven’t you heard? There’s an obesity epidemic. I’m exercising.
No, actually, people don’t tell me to cheer up all the time. You jump to wonderful and fanciful conclusions though, so by all means continue.
I merely sympathize with the OP … which means I can put myself in her situation, in case you’re not familiar with the term.
I have no reason to be dishonest about my current emotional state… and I regard those that are as phonies. False enthusiasm, as a matter of fact, is one of the things I detest most in the world. Honesty is the best policy… if you don’t pretend to be interested in something I’m talking about, then I will move on to a different subject and we’ll both be the happier for it.
And it’s not as if the OP or myself would be purposefully scowling, it just happens sometimes. I see no reason to make a mental effort to keep it from happening. But rest assured that in my case it is neither to frighten people away nor to invoke sympathy. It’s because I have the freedom of expression and thus don’t worry about censoring my facial expression. I let it be what it is.
And if someone else has a problem with that… well, then they’ve got a problem, not me.
Sorry, but kindness and courtesy rate much higher on the virtue scale than “non-phoniness”
(I’m not even sure not being phony is a virtue - many times when people say they’re not being “phony” they are being rude and selfish.)
Having a pissy day is one thing - making sure that the world knows you have a pissy day is another.
facecrime doubleplusungood
(Yes, I am one of those people with a “naturally grumpy” expression who has been chirpily told to “cheer up!” on far too many occasions.)
It is possible to conduct one’s business with other people in a neutral, polite manner without affecting a fake fluffy disposition.