right now i’m having insomnia. for the first time in my 15 years of my life, i absolutely cannot sleep. so i’ve been thinking. too much, i have to say. i’m finding myself more and more unsure of things. things like what i believe in, where i stand on certain issues, and even who i am.
i can’t seem to find things place my faith in. nothing sems to work out for me. as soon as i find someting seemingly good to place my trust in, something else will come along and make it less than glorious, something i don’t want. other times i try to believe in something and it will just kick me off, so to speak. nothing to hold strong onto isn’t good.
and i don’t even know what my stance on some things is anymore. i can’t seem too be able to pick sides on things. i can’t say whether or not anything is good or bad - one thing contradicts another. it doesn’t work.
and then in the midst of this this all i can’t find myself. i don’t have anything to believe in, so i can’t stop and look at myself very well. as i look at myself right now, i see an insane mess. it seems i’m a no body on the edge of space, not sure about who or what i am now, was yesterday, or will be tommorow.
if this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry. it’s just an insomniatic ramble.