(ynh) and a cry for identity

right now i’m having insomnia. for the first time in my 15 years of my life, i absolutely cannot sleep. so i’ve been thinking. too much, i have to say. i’m finding myself more and more unsure of things. things like what i believe in, where i stand on certain issues, and even who i am.

i can’t seem to find things place my faith in. nothing sems to work out for me. as soon as i find someting seemingly good to place my trust in, something else will come along and make it less than glorious, something i don’t want. other times i try to believe in something and it will just kick me off, so to speak. nothing to hold strong onto isn’t good.

and i don’t even know what my stance on some things is anymore. i can’t seem too be able to pick sides on things. i can’t say whether or not anything is good or bad - one thing contradicts another. it doesn’t work.

and then in the midst of this this all i can’t find myself. i don’t have anything to believe in, so i can’t stop and look at myself very well. as i look at myself right now, i see an insane mess. it seems i’m a no body on the edge of space, not sure about who or what i am now, was yesterday, or will be tommorow.

if this doesn’t make sense, don’t worry. it’s just an insomniatic ramble.


Well, what can I say to make you feel better? For me, thinking too much definitely would not be conducive to sleep, and especially so if I was trying to find myself and have a sense of my own identity in the world.

I feel for you, (ynh); not everything has instant answers, and especially not when you’re talking about this kind of thing. I could say that, in time, you will find answers to all these questions and issues you are thinking about, but your post doesn’t deserve such a pat answer as that. Besides, it’s simply not true that you will find answers to everything in this life.

It’s too bad that you are going through this right now, but adolescence is often a time to find one’s own identity, and it appears that you might be going through the struggles related to that. Doesn’t make it any easier, though! If this isn’t true for you, then forget I ever said it… I’m just trying to empathize as best I can. Hopefully, even though you still think about these things, you will be able to get some sleep. Insomnia is not a very good thing… but it’s not like you can help it, right?