My cousin sent me this poem she wrote. She said it was about her boyfriend. Bear in mind that she’s thirteen.
Now that I’m trying to think how long it’s been
Now that you’re keeping me up at night again
Now that I’m trying to remember when you weren’t all there was
And I wasn’t trying so hard to let go.
But I couldn’t
I wouldn’t
I shouldn’t have thought
And I never forgot.
Now remembering the dreams and the screams that I fought
The tears and the fears and the lies that I bought
Not seeing a fault or a flaw like I ought
To have seen when I looked in your eyes.
Now that I’m trying to hope once again it won’t happen to me
Now that I’m trying to see what I used to see
Now that I’m thinking of things that I used to know
After I knew you were there.
It looked safe and sound
Couldn’t believe I had found
Something too good to be true
Never forgetting you.
But a warning things don’t mirror the light that I shed
When my devotion shadows me way over my head
We’ll know that I would have been better off dead
Better off dead than here right now
Reliving the nightmares remembering my vow
To never let it happen again.
Now that I can’t see the lies that I told to myself
Now that I’ve taken old dreams off a dusty old shelf
Now that I’m under the armor of old memories
Shielding me from the truth I was too weak to see.
It was glaring and blaring
It was rough and was loud
It was making me wish I had left with that crowd
Instead of staying behind here with you.
Yet once more I sit
To take one more hit
Waiting and wanting to deal with this shit
No chance of it now and no chance of it then
When it’s leaving me wishing to see you again.
Now that I still can’t figure out why I think this of you
Now that I’m wondering why I still believe it’s all true
Now that I’m yelling at pictures and crying at words
Even knowing it’s all in my mind.
I’m shaking and breaking
Thinking of taking
One more shot at making
This work.
Laughing deliriously, thinking that seriously
We must have known that nothing would change.
It’s the truth and I knew from the moment I met you
Now that nothing could ever make me forget you.
Now, I do think it’s very interesting, even if I understand only about a third of it. But parts, especially the beginning of it, sound very dark for a thirteen year old girl. And while I love dark poetry, I’ve heard that writing dark poems is a warning sign of suicidal behavior in teens. Anyone have an opinion on this?? And can anyone help me figure out what my cousin is trying to say?
I think it’s cool she shared this with you. Probably she’s fine, just working her thoughts & feelings out on paper.
Maybe you can chat with her every few days to get a sense of her state of mind; you might even ask her if she wants to talk about what happened with this BF and how she’s dealing with it. It seems as though she trusts you & would talk openly.
I spent most of my teenage years writing dark poetry (which is now embarassing, of course). Keep a friendly eye on her, if a pattern develops, then worry.
I’m assuming she’s fine for the time being, but I will keep an eye on her. I do kind of like this poem, however, if you read it very fast out loud it sounds very cool, especially if you speed up at the parts where there are lots of rhymes.
Add me to the I did that when I was a teen section. Nothing to worry about. Besides, normal poetry is for nerds, truly cool souls can only write dark poetry. I remember trying to be ‘deep’ and ‘mournful’. I have no idea what I was mourning and I remember that my head was in fact ‘deeply’ in my ass. Not to say that your cousin’s writing isn’t pretty cool. If you really want to help her give her “Twenty poems of love and a desperate song” by Pablo Neruda.
I agree with torie. It’s an incredibly eloquent and mature piece of writing for a thirteen year old. I find it truly expressive of her feelings, but not necessarily so dark. Like 12hazel mentions, you might try talking more with her about her BF, then you’ll likely be better able to judge where she stands.
It’s very good for a 13-year old. And the content doesn’t seem that much darker than the angst ridden dreck that my friends and I wrote at that age. (Though she did a better job of writing than we did. Much better…she’s really got potential. None of us did.)
I wouldn’t worry at that much, but if she wants to talk to a non-parent adult, it would be great if you were there for her.
Just piping in with the general consensus. 12Hazel hit it on the head. My friends and I used to write poetry as a way of dealing with all of the emotions we were going through as teens, too. Some of it was dark, some of it not so much, but always very intense.
I think it’s a good sign that she’s expressing her emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside. That’s when you really run into trouble, IMO.
Make sure she has lots of people to talk with about it and make sure she knows that support system is there 24/7. That can make all the difference in the world.
Thanks, all. I’m sure she knows I’m there for her—she emails me a lot, to tell me about what’s going on with her. She is a pretty talented writer—maybe I’ll post one of her stories sometime. You think I should see if there’s a creative writing class she could take somewhere? She lives in Central New York.
Maybe it’s just me, but it hit a particularly tender spot on me. Are you sure her boyfriend hasn’t been/isn’t now abusing her?
That’s what I got out of the poem, the continuing cycle of an abusive relationship, where she’s almost free, then teeters back into his grasp.
Might just be a young girl’s “dark fancies” might not. Certainly keep the line of communication open, and watch for other signs that it’s not just a “fantasy”.
