Okay, I am basically your run of the mill, terribly shy guy. I’ve been friends with this girl for a couple of years (we’re in college, for the age referrence), and am really starting to have stronger feelings for her. I’ve tried to tell her about it, but can’t get the words out. I have, however, written a poem…
What I need to know is, how does this really come off to women? Does it look pathetic? sweet? desperate? romantic?
I would really like to tell her, but I’ve been unable to (despite having chances). It’s partly due to the shyness (yeah, I know I have to get over it, but…) and partly due to the fact that I really don’t want to screw up the friendship. However, I know I will deeply regret it if I do nothing and any chance at something further slips away.
depends on the woman, on her mood, and the situation.
listen: screw the poem- you can write loads of those later. take note of her body language. Example: try to hold eye contact, close in, take hold of her hands softly, kiss her on the cheek (slowly) then move around to face her. If she is still close then go to kiss her on the lips. that will ‘say’ something
faint heart never won fair lady. don’t think; don’t make plans; Do!
I dunno- I had a guy do the same thing when I was younger, and it was great, IMHO. We were in a parking lot and he said “You’ve been my friend for a long time, and I love you very much. I don’t want to let the opportunity slip away to tell you that I love you as more then a friend and I want to be together. Take a few days and think about it without answering. I love you.” and he kissed me.
I was stunned, thrilled, and wowed. A poem or letter never would have had that impact, IMHO.
I agree with the people here. Slipping a poem under her door will only confuse her. Tell her your feelings if she respones positively then maybe give her a poem…and I feel your pain nothing sucks worse then being in the friend zone with no notion of how to get out.
No offense, but if some guy gave me a poem, I’d probably run. Even if he wrote it after we were already together. Maybe that’s me, I’m sute some girls dig it. Is she into poetry? If she is, then maybe it would work for her.
I’ve had a couple of guys I was friends with give me poems, believe it or not, and both times I just found it really pathetic.
Granted, it was horrible poetry, but still…even if it had been beautiful poetry, it still comes across as faintly desperate and kind of juvenile to give a girl a poem instead of just asking her out.
I’d vote for just telling her…and if she says yes, you can show her the poem later on in your relationship and she’ll probably be very touched. (And amused, but you won’t know about that. Her girlfriends will. :D)
All right, all right, I’m ripping it up right now…okay, I’m not really - I can still use it for my creative writing class - we have to write every day - but it’s going nowhere else.
So it was a dumb idea - I had that voice in the back of my head all day. Oh, well, I’ll see her Monday at the latest…plenty of time to by the drugs or club (I’m thinking oak, it has some good heft to it).
akennett, in your defense… it’s NOT a dumb idea! I didn’t think so when I sent my letters. It just doesn’t seem to work on women, like men think it will…
I know sooner is better, but she’s gone for the weekend - we don’t have class this friday, she doesn’t have any calsses on thursdays…hence Monday at the latest…I’m trying now to find out if she’s back Sunday or sooner.
I am a female in this same perdicament, holding off telling him for the same reason. We’ve been friends for eight years and there’s big mess up potential.
I think you should just tell her. Look her in the eye, take her hand and say what’s in your heart. Or just go in for the kiss, that’s the advice I’ve gotten. Poems and letters are written. No inflection, no depth. Words are best. Be honest and it’ll melt her heart, it would work on me.
Let us know how it goes. If it works for you maybe I’ll get the guts to jump off the cliff.
IMHO this just helps illustrate the great (im)practical joke of the cosmos: male and female brains just work differently. Men believe they can win the heart of the woman of their choice if they just do enough of the right things, whatever that may be. The truth is that women are either attracted or they are not, and no amount of effort will win her over. To their credit women at least are attracted more to personality/intellect/ability than mere looks, and perhaps men have an opportunity to display more of those traits over time. So men aren’t doomed by first impressions, but if she already knows you and she isn’t attracted a poem won’t change that.
It is entirely possible she is just as attracted, and just as shy. I join the chorus of those telling you to tell her how you feel, but skip the poem, at least for now.
For the women who said they didn’t appreciate receiving poetry, is that always true, or just when you aren’t attracted to the poet?
I think a guy would have to do something unbelievably bad to turn off a woman who was already into him.
I think there’s even less chance of winning over the heart of a woman who is not into you.
You have two choices: wallow in the friend zone, or tell her how you really feel. Either way, the friendship will end. (From your point of view, the friendship has already ended.)
I wonder what the best way to tell her is. This is a question for the ladies: would you rather have a sit-down conversation that includes a confession of deeper feeling, or would you rather the friend just ask you on a date? Something like “would you like to go out for a romantic dinner?”
