Yesterday at 7:25 PM, my friend hung herself in the park near her house. She left no note. She was 15.
I learned of this in my first period class this morning. At first I did not believe… i still can’t, in a way. The idea that she will never be there again is, at the moment, incomprehensible to me. It did not really hit me, until English. I looked at the empty desk next to mine, and I almost broke into tears.
I did not know here nearly as well as I would have liked, only this year did I begin to get to know her better. She was very feisty, spunky; she had attitude. Sure she was short and thin, but her spirit was very large. However, she was very kind. Generous, sympathietic, nice, a person that , even if you despised her personality, you could never really dislike. I was told one of her life goals was to touch as many people as she could.
She was very intelligent. Definitely one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Not only that, she was rational, logical, and to me, abounded with common sense. Moreso, she was focused, driven, determined, everything.
Looking back, at her high school schedule, her life, how she acted, I can half see why, although I still can’t grasp it. The top golfer in our school, she was leading our team to State finals and personally competing to be the best. She had more friends, new friends that she bonded strongly with while keeping the old ones, she was doing fabulously in Golf, and we all thought she was doing good in school. At least I thought that.
Not counting golf, which as you can imagine was a large part of her time, she had seven solid classes. Two AP’s, Two GATE’s, A City college after-school class (which she got to without a car), foriegn language, and Academic decathalon.
Her parents and sister set it up. They had huge expectations of her. Constantly pushing, pushing, pushing to be the best. The classes I talked about before weren’t enough either. She also tred out for Mock Trial, auditioned for the school play (they rejected her because they felt she had no time… she was a wonderful actress), and tried to get a job.
During the summer she took chemistry at City college. Already an unbelievebly hard class, she was also studying Latin to enter into Latin 3,4 (She had not taken 1,2) and was studying for academic decathalon. My friend spoke of her at her desk in CC, with the chemistry book on one hand, the Latin book on the other, and between them ACADEC novels.
she aparently suffered from sllep deprivation, and suspect that she was not eating right. she was very thin.
What frightens, me, though, is her acting. She seemed so happy! She seemed to have it all… Leader of a chamion sports team, strong student, better socil life… everything seemed on the rise for her!
I remember the ast thing i said to her. I asked her how the golf team was. Se said, great! and gave me a rundow, and said she was going to compete. I said, fight with honor! victory! She kind of rolled her eyes in modesty and said, yeah sure. she laughed. I said, no, really. Someone in this world has to be the best, why can’t it be you?! I pumped my fist again. Think, Victory!
She smiled and pumped her fist again. She seemed absolutely stoked, full of joy. I remember her smile…
Her faather was there to say goodbye to her that day. Before she went to zero period. Only, she didn’t go. She stopped, and… It was the wodd janitor who found her. He knw her. ShE used to study out there, and she would say hi, and he would say hi. At least it was not a stranger. After this her father left. he did not hear the news until later in the afternoon. He had come in to see how his daughters grades were. instead, he got a chaplain, who told him… he was very quiet, and left. Her sister, in college, had to drive up upon hearing the news from LA, a three hour drive. How she must have felt, alone in a car with naugt but her thaoughts, I can’t imagine. Her little brother, who she basically took care of, I can’t even guess. The family has been destroyed.
This isn’t a fitting tribute. The world lost when she died. I have a huge whole in me, and guilt, knowing I did not get to know this wonderful erson as I should have. I’d organize, Id write more, and I will write more, but I can hardly see the screen.
