Second of all, MPSIMS threads about social etiquette annoy the piss out of me. My philosophy is pretty simple. First, always assume the best of people. Second, if you don’t like an action taken by another person, tell them you don’t like it. If you don’t have the courage to tell someone you don’t like something they did, then STFU because it probably doesn’t really matter. If being offended gives you that much pleasure then go get a real interpersonal problem instead of some made-up one based on your own class and cultural bias about what’s ‘‘proper.’’ Etiquette threads almost universally violate my four simple rules. So fuck etiquette threads and the passive-aggressive bullshit within them.
I dunno, I don’t have a problem with them so much. Lots of people just don’t know how to handle the different situations they find themselves in each day. Hell, every single one of us falls into that at some point or another. Asking other people how they would handle it or what you should do - and/or reading other people’s threads on the like - is a great way to “borrow wisdom” from others and get over whatever stupid ideas we might have in our own head about how we should or should not react.
There are some times where we write something out, and the very process of doing so, like the process of saying something out loud to people, gives us insight into what we’re really thinking, clues us in that we’re not acting at our best, or exposes our own folly so that we change the way we act.
Wow, that’s touching. And wrong. The answer to “What should I do?” is always “Teabag them” or, better yet, “Get drunk, then teabag them.”
And the SDMB, despite it’s other benefits, should not be the place you go to for social advice. Wow. You’ll end up in a polyamorous relationship with some fatties who like to tie each other up, and getting outraged over people sneezing incorrectly will be de rigueur.
Seriously?
This shit is for entertainment. Anything else is asking a bunch of nerds how not to be a nerd. It just won’t work.
If that’s all you want, then by all means, be entertained. Somewhere along the line you’re still going to learn something through the interaction process, even if you don’t realize it.
Oh, Chimera, you and your humanitarian reason. I don’t deny there are times where using others as a sounding board is a good idea.
It’s the judgmental/catty/passive-aggressive bullshit I can’t stand. In this particular instance, the solution to the problem is very simple.
‘‘Hi, I want to come to your party, but I can’t take responsibility for providing everything. I’m willing to provide X. Maybe you can get some of the other guests to bring the rest? Cool, thanks so much for your understanding. See you Saturday!’’
Of course, I wouldn’t really give a shit if someone wanted me to bring all that stuff, because I don’t think human relationships have some kind of mandatory reciprocal exchange policy. Some people think that makes me a pushover, but what it actually means is I don’t give a fuck about petty bullshit like who brings the wine. If I like hanging out with someone, I’ll bring 10 bottles of wine. Why the hell not?
**Lezlers **never wanted etiquette advice. She wanted agreement that she was being put upon. When even sven dared to answer lezler’s original fake question, she went all apeshit on even sven for not affirming her feelings. She should have just said right upfront that what she wanted was for someone to pat her back. Evidently even sven has gone far too long not patting lezlers’ back.
That’s the point. The purpose of the thread was perfectly obvious to anyone but the most socially clueless. Which means that, by responding otherwise, you knew you were threadshitting and therefore being a jerk. And if you are socially clueless, you shouldn’t be giving advice in a social thread.
I hate this expectation bullshit as much as the next person. I hate melodrama caused by lack of communication. But I also know that telling that to the person currently freaking out will not help. Your choices are to compassionately try to help them out, leave them alone, or wind up insulting them. And if you insult someone, even unintentionally, you are quite likely to be insulted back.
What I do think it unfair to sven is that apparently there have been a bunch of people who have taken issue with how she words things, and rather than tell them themselves, they had to pop out in that thread and throw insults. She was totally blindsided, and that is unfair.
I’d have preferred her to pit everyone who insulted her, but for some reason she decided to only pit the one person that I think had a legitimate (if poorly expressed, hyperbolic) gripe. lezlers may have been mean about it, but at least she communicated what bugged her. Too many of y’all seem to be saying she shouldn’t have, or, worse, should have somehow made herself not feel that way at all
I’m increasingly puzzled that so many people continue to use pejoratives specific to sexual orientation to insult someone who is straight. Obviously, bucketybuck is poking lezlers with a pointy stick he saved from when he was in junior high, because insinuating a straight woman is a lesbian will probably cast a pall of suspicion upon her heterosexual status, and she will live in shame forever that someone might thinks she’s a lesbian because of this tired, bigoted insult.
Jesus. How old are you, bucketybuck? Surely you have learned the art of insulting someone by now based on their own shortcomings, rather than trying to insult her by associating her username with a demographic who, to my knowledge, has not personally harmed you or anyone, nor shown any reason to be chastised for their views on parties and hostesses based upon identifying as lesbians. HEY! NEWSFLASH! Lesbians, just like straight men and women, albeit less so than gay men, are lovely hosts and are quite gracious when extending invitations to their friends and acquaintances and even the occasional bigot who may wander by. We’re really quite charming and kind, and also tend to refrain from resorting to bigoted, juvenile insults.
Wait.
“Lezzie” is a vicious insult? Vicious?! Are you fucking kidding me? bucketybuck’s use of “lezzie” to insult you was childish and stupid, not to mention unoriginal. But you think an insinuation in jest that you are a lesbian is vicious? Holy shit, not only are you a fucking passive aggressive drama queen, you’re an ignorant, homophobic, snob.
Frankly, I’m glad you aren’t a lesbian. My friends and I, “lesbians,” if I may viciously refer to them by their sexual orientation without hurting them beyond repair for mentioning one mere part of what makes them the loving and accepting group of women of which I’m proud to be a part, have difficulties understanding the concept of people like you. Not your sexuality – we fully accept that you were born who you are and are glad you’ve found happiness as a straight woman.
We just don’t understand your hatred for us, and why a lame attempt at humour suggesting you are a lesbian is so “vicious” in your mind. Did a lesbian bite you when you were a small child?
I do not believe we will be inviting you to our next game night.
My username is Fiveroptic, and having been a lesbian for my entire life, I can safely assume that I have known many more lesbians than you ever will. I must also assume that based upon your stellar ignorance and sweeping generalization that have no basis in fact, that you are very young, uneducated, small-minded, possibly confused regarding your own burgeoning sexuality, and a most unpleasant person in mixed social circles.
Yup, some lesbians are assholes, and I certainly can take credit for being one at times, just like every other subset of society. However, right now you’re only proving the point that you, AClockworkMelon, are a tool with no credibility.
Nah, really you’ve mostly proved that you’re an asshole.
Listen to me, Fives, you’re obviously just raising a rabble. I’ll bet that girl Constance is a real fucking hero to you, huh? A regular Harry Potter, isn’t she?
Have you heard the good news?
Heaven: It’s real.And if you don’t accept His grace you’re not seeing a lick (!) of it.
Not that I have to justify myself to some harpie on the internet, but my intent was never to call lezzie a lesbian, I just didnt like her enough to go check the spelling on her fucking name.
You obviously think about lesbeens all day, every day, but dont project your paranoia onto the rest of us, we dont go around looking for excuses to use sexuality as an insult.
Fuck, if there is one thing I hate more then passive agressive morons, it is insecure lesbians who look for and find offence everywhere they look. Go away you whiney bitch.
What just happened? I dropped in to snark on the “most improved Doper” concept—akin to winning the “Best Spirit” trophy at the Square Peg/Round Hole Olympiad—and all of a sudden it’s a “ur a dyke LOL!” vs. “I’ve known more lesbians with my little finger…” playground brawl.
