I thought “lezlers” was a cute adaptation of the word “lesbians”… what a disappointment this thread has turned out to be!
**
INTO AFRICA: The even sven Story**
(or: Reminiscencias de Cameroon Dias)
SCENE 1
*
(Inside a Peace Corps branch office waiting room.)*
CLIPBOARD-WIELDING WOMAN: Okay, uh… Even Steven?
EVEN SVEN: Sven!
CWW: Ah. Well, do you know if he’s here?
ES: I’m sven!
CWW: You’re… whatever. You’re next.
**
SCENE 2**
(In the Director’s office. A poster of a kitten hanging from a tree branch, bearing the caption “HANG IN THERE, BABY,” is taped to one whitewashed cinder block wall.)
DIRECTOR: So, why do you want to join the Peace Corps?
EVEN SVEN: I need to expand my horizons. Sure, I’ve lived on the mean streets of Santa Cruz, and don’t get me wrong, the day laborers are plenty noble—they just aren’t savage enough! I’ve learned all I can from this white-dominated melting pot culture. I need to spend time in a country with real diversity—where everybody has dark skin!
D: And help the people there.
ES: Huh? Oh, yeah.
D: Well, we have some assignments in Bangladesh…
ES: Darker.
D: Um… Laos? Honduras?
ES: DARKER!!!
D: Brazil, Cameroon, Malaysia…
ES: WAIT! Go back!
**
SCENE 3**
(Yaoundé International Airport, Cameroon. A man in brightly-colored attire places a plastic lei around even sven’s neck as she exits the plane.)
MAN: Welcome to the island nation of Cameroon! Please, have a handful of warm ndolé, a stew consisting of bitter leaves, nuts, and fish or goat meat!*
EVEN SVEN: I’d love some, but not before I meet with the deposed prince who desperately needs to borrow my nest egg. Where can I rent a sedan chair?
END OF PART ONE.
Also, THE END.
- Thanks to WIKIPEDIA for the indispensable cultural background information without which this historical work would’ve been wholly unconvincing.
I liked Scene 2 best.
I dunno. I didn’t “feel” the tension like I did in Hostel 2.
See, but I’ve never noticed what you’re saying. Sure, she mentions Cameroon and China more than the average poster, but that’s because she has a very unique experience and perspective because of her time spent in each. I’ve never thought her mention of them was particularly out of line or out of left field.
Yeah, she probably talks about it a lot, but good. Thank goodness for young, exciting, well traveled, unique perspectives on these boards. Thank goodness for posters still fresh and unjaded enough to show excitement and wonder and to share that with us. Or with me. I would love to have gone to Africa. One day I will.
ETA: And when I do, I’m talking about it. And yall gonna listen.
See, you don’t understand the internets. It’s filled with bizarre people with even bizarrer insecurities, prone to irrational rage that they sit on for years, seething, but can do nothing about because of the seriousness of the internets, and how their internet friends will abandon them if they don’t say the right thing to the right internet person. So when someone is so bold as to dip their toe into the cold, cold waters, they feel exuberance, relief, undying joy that they can finally, after so many years, let out all of the rage they’d been feeling all that time. Yes, they rejoice, I can finally say what I’ve been meaning to for so long!
Do you understand now?
You go to HELL, MCLINTOCK!
The former. I wasn’t sure if it was an ironic mistake or if he was doing it to be cute. But there were other spots where he did do it correctly so I wasn’t sure. Want to weigh in, ivn?
See, didn’t it feel good to let it out?
Whoa!..WTF?
Read as “I am not so socially inept that I would ever stoop to the level of playing video games,those cursed RPGs or such nonsense. I will only resort to high brow games of chance with other proper persons in the appropriate social setting.”
Don’t commit your hate crimes here! - Teen at Hullabalooza - The Simpsons
Lesbian Identity Ends Abruptly Mid-Junior Year
Gotta love The Onion. 
Newp. I like to think of my posts as post-modernist monolithic writings. Enjoy and interpret my work as you will; there is no right answer.
Maybe I was drunk or stupid and posted a barely coherent and undeserved rant at a poster. Maybe I have rage issues. Perhaps I was engaging in a bit of social satire. Or it could be that I was decrying the rise of socioeconomic totalitarianism and social isolation inherent in electronic media. It could even just possibly be an exploration of the dark undertow of human sexuality and the way we twist it to our own advantage, ala Nabokov.
Maybe it’s a combination of those and other memes. The wonder and the genius of it all is that you don’t need to know which, if any, it was. My post is a mirror in which you can see your inner self; it is my citation to a socially-constructed truth.
The answer is not to be found here – the only true answer is inside you.
Like I was inside your mom last night.
Fine, fine… but goddammit, *why *was it okay to let your kid jump on the couch?
Heh. You read my mind, Vinyl.
Sparky, Yahtzee as highbrow? Please. Get back to me when you guys play the game of kings. I’m talking of course about Scrabble!
But some of us have seen it. And if I’m not feeling too lazy later, I might do a search on even sven and Cameroon and see what comes up.
What would that prove? That she’s been to Cameroon and believes her experience there is relevant to some discussions? The United States is mentioned a hell of a lot on this board, so why aren’t we complaining about that?
I don’t understand why people dislike the mentions of Cameroon and China. As Mbossa mentions, the U.S. is brought up a lot, too. So are video games and computer programming and threads on Big Bang Theory. I mean, there are always going to be posters who rub us the wrong way but who aren’t necessarily jerks. If they aren’t bothering you, why be mean to them?
Take it up with Shodan, dude, that was in response to his implication that I’m socially inept because we were planning a “gaming” night. I’m not taking the rap for this Cameroon shit, and I’m not taking the rap for the gaming stuff either. Deal with the person who said it.
Vinyl, that was awesome.
Oh, and lezlers is a nickname I’ve had for 15+ years, that’s where my username comes from. Nothing to do with my sexual orientation or anyone else’s.
Sorry to dissapoint.