Here’s the story: My girlfriend has invited me to attend Yom Kippur services with her and her family on Sunday evening. I’m a gentile, and this is new to me, so I’m not sure what to expect. So, is there anything I should know in advance about the service? It’ll be at a conservative synagogue, if that makes a difference. Also, I’d like to bring a gift for her parents; is there anything traditional that might be appropriate?
Thanks for any info you might have!
DO NOT BRING A GIFT! It is highly inappropriate.
Dress nicely (A suit if you have one). Get a kippah, I’m sure your gf’s dad will have one that you can borrow. There’s nothing you really need to know in advance about the service. It is quite a beautiful service but the mood is quite sombre.
No gift. A gift of food would be particularly inappropriate 
.
A lot of the service will be in Hebrew so it may be a bit boring for you unless you are really into languages. If it is a Reform service, at least half will be in English and you can do that part of the responsive readings. Just stand and sit whenever the other people do and you’ll be fine.
Haj
If the congregation is Conservative or Orthodox, don’t wear leather shoes to the service. Leather shoes are forbidden on Yom Kippur. Wearing sneakers with no leather on them is perfectly appropriate on Yom Kippur. Even though, not being Jewish, you are not forbidden from wearing leather shoes, it may, nonetheless, cause you to “stick out.”
You might want to find a prayer book with a suitable modern translation, as otherwise, you will not really understand what is going on.
Zev Steinhardt
As for a gift, you can never go wrong with flowers for the table. Even though there will be no meal, a table still looks nicer with flowers. Bring them to the house before Yom Kippur (as putting them in water once Yom Kippur starts is forbidden).
Zev Steinhardt
Here’s a web page that gives a brief description of what to expect and the meaning behind the various prayers. The evening service for Yom Kippur is called Kol Nidre, after the prayer that opens the service, which is the first one described.
Not mentioned by anyone else yet is that much of Jewish prayer is chanted, or sung, as opposed to read, therefore expect there to be a lot of music and singing. There are also a lot of prayers that must be read standing, so you’ll be getting up and down a lot.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that this is a very solemn holiday – one in which we do a lot of reflecting and introspection. In addition to looking inward towards our past, we attempt to start the new year off on a better foot, and sybolically “cleanse” our souls and our bodies by fasting for 25 hours (from before sundown Yom Kippur eve to after dark the following day), so please don’t bring any candies to suck on or ask to drive through McDonalds on the way home because you’re hungry.
Oh, and it’s also a fairly long service – plan on being there at least 2 - 3 hours. But it’s also quite a beautiful service, so I hope you enjoy it!
L’shanah tovah to everyone, and may we all be inscribed for another year!
The synagogue will likely have spare kippot for those who don’t have their own. Flowers are always good (and you don’t have to worry about the multitude of potential food faux pas, even if it’s an item meant for later consumption).
But don’t despair about not knowing what’s going on; the Yom Kippur service has some gorgeous music! Think of it as an intercultural learning experience, and you can’t go wrong.
Just wanted to comment that I think it is really… unusual …to invite a gentile who has never been to any sort of Jewish religious service to Yom Kippur at a conservative synagogue! As mentioned it is a very serious, solemn holiday. Most would break you in easy with a Passover seder or festive holiday service like Purim. Hey, she must really like you if she wants to help you atone for your sins ;j
You can join in the spirit, if not the ceremony, of the occasion by spending some time reflecting on your life, including any errors and misjudgements of the past year.
Thanks to everyone for all the info. I’d figured out the “no food” part already, but the tip not to wear leather shoes saved me from a potential faux pas. I’m definitely looking forward to attending, since it’ll be something entirely new to me and I’ve been told it’s a beautiful service – but wish me luck not embarrassing either myself or my girlfriend’s family!
(she tells me her dad’s got a kippah I can borrow… now is this different from a yarmulke, or is it just another word for the same headwear?)
Kippa and yarmulke are one and the same.
Haj