You Awake the Morning Following the BEST Sex of Your Life. . .

In My Humble Opinion
41

Hmm. I’m bi. (And I think** Eve ** is lovely and attractive, and she swung that way, well, hell, I’d date her in a heartbeat, however, it’s moot, since I don’t think she does, and even she did, I’m married, and that monogamy thing, you know how that all goes. Also I can’t presume she’d want to date a fool girl like myself in the first place, but for what it’s worth, I might as well say it.)

ANYWAY. Since I fall into the bi category, I would have to have sex with someone I found repulsive. To find someone repulsive, I have to dislike who they are inside, somehow, so they’d have to have done something to me or to someone I love for me to dislike them. Looks mean very little to me in the grand scheme of things, and I tend to give most people a chance even if they are not “good-looking”. So let’s set that aside…

What it all comes down to, then, I’d have to wake up next to one of my exes, or a murderer, or tyrant, or something. And then I’d leap out of the bed, shake it off, admit that goddamn, they were good in the sack, but yeeech. No more, thanks.

42

Okay, I’ll bite- straight woman here (but I have kissed a few girls and had sex with a guy and my best girlfriend once, in college).

Since I’m married, I would be in a boatload of trouble, unless my husband was already there as well.

I wouldn’t necessarily think I was gay (maybe bi, I suppose) but that I had great sex with a girl.

43

Blow job in the dark? Are you sure?

44

The morning? Back when it happened to me, neither of us woke up until noon or so!

:smiley:

45

Ah, but how likely is it that someone who thinks that one particular person of the same gender as them is going to be a great lay is going to feel the same way about waking up with some random member of the same sex? Not to mention that it’s easy to say that you’d bang X celebrity of the same gender as you, but when it actually happens, that’s something else entirely. Additionally, what are the odds that such an event would actually be the most mindblowing sexual experience of your life? It might be good, or it might be notable, but the greatest sexual experience of your life? Probably not.

To illustrate, let’s say that the only guy I’d consider having sex with was Elton John. Thanks to some kind of cosmological hiccup I get to meet him, and Sir Reg, having taken all leave of his senses looks at me and says, “Say, would fancy going back to my place and giving me bum a bugger?” I agree and bugger the daylights out of him. Now, it’d probably be enjoyable for me (assuming I found Elton sexually attractive), but the greatest sexual experience of my life? I kind of doubt that (not that I know what Elton would be like in the sack, mind you). And I say that not because I’d be crossing some orientation line by doing Elton, but because of the fact that it’s highly unlikely I’d be able to have any kind of deep emotional connection with Elton (and sex is 90% mental). Elton being a celebrity and me being a random nobody, are probably going to have nothing in common, other than we want to get freaky with one another. However, were I to meet some random nobody who happened to be male and boinked them, the two of us would probably have a better chance of making an emotional connection, which is what would make the sex better.

My point is not that homosexual sex is by nature repulsive (after all, I like lesbian sex scenes as much as the next guy), but that me having homosexual sex is repulsive to me because I’m not gay. Most of the homosexuals I’ve known feel the same way about heterosexual sex: It’s okay for straight people to do it, but they find the thought of themselves doing it repulsive, because they’re gay. Sort of like picturing your parents having sex. Nothing wrong with sex, nothing wrong with your parents having sex (after all, if they didn’t you wouldn’t be there), but seeing them do it? 99% of the population is going to say, “Thanks, but no thanks.”

46

Oh darn, if I’d read the rest. Oh well so much for reminiscing about the Ex.

Hmmmmm…I can’t imagine your scenario happening. I’d be able to tell if a girl was in bed with me, they’re very obviously different from men. And I’ve kissed a girl before, and it’s just bland nothingness.

47

Thanks, matt , that’s exactly what I was trying to get at.

Yes, absolutely I would. Some things like gender preferences are likely hard wired into us. Being attracted to one race over another isn’t an orientation, though and might be based more on a person’s attitudes than just an arbitrary preference like brunettes over blondes. (and just so I’m clear that was not an implied accusation of racism. :slight_smile: )

48

Tuckerfan, I think you’ve answered my question, so fair enough. I just feel that you set up the poll such that people have to have a personally repulsed reaction, when that may not be the case (alice_in_wonderland’s response, for example).

It just strikes me that it can be left to the reader to recognize if they’d be repulsed or not. Take my example of someone you know personally that you’ve never had a sexual thought about. I can think of three male friends who fit this category, all very good guys, and none are ugly, just never caught that part of my attention. With the first, if I woke up next to him, I’d be shocked and a bit repulsed, despite his not being an asshole or unattractive. The idea of sleeping with him just gives me the willies. The second, I’d be gobsmacked, but probably not at all repulsed. Just, “How in god’s name did that happen?” The third, I’d be stunned, but eventually probably think, “Well, he’s a very close friend, it makes some amount of sense.”

I guess I’m just trying to say that part of what makes this poll fascinating to me is seeing the entirety of the reactions, but it feels like it was started with a leading question, and one that maybe could have been avoided.

No matter, it’s still an interesting idea.

49

Not being attracted to a certain race might not be an orientation but i don’t think theres really any choice in the matter either, its simply a matter of taste. How is it different from saying you aren’t attracted to fat, tall or women with big feet? maybe it is based on attitude rather than something arbitrary but in the end does it really make a difference?

50

How do you know?

51

The best sex of my life isn’t going to be a blow job in the dark. It’s going to be me fully experiencing my partner’s whole body, and in a sober, lucid state. Not sure how I could be fooled under these circumstances.

52

I won’t try to speak for AqualungBats5th, and though I don’t have cites or other scientific evidence to back me up, I’m going to agree, at least conditionally, with his assertion. I’ve never **not ** been attracted to men from a particular race/ethnicity, and given my experiences to date, at this stage of my life (I’m 36), I honestly couldn’t imagine any circumstances in which I would feel such a thing.

Not attracted to **individual ** men of a specific race/ethnicity? Sure. But not attracted to the **entire ** race/ethnicity? Hell no, and frankly, it boggles my mind that anyone could feel such a thing about every single person of a particular race/ethnicity.

Now, having said that, I think I can get behind the idea tha a predilection towards a particular phenotype* can be hard-wired, in which case I don’t know that there’s anything to be done about that. Or that should be done about it.

*In case it’s not obvious, I’m not even a *halfway * decent amateur science buff, so, more knowledgeable Dopers, please feel free to correct any misuse of terminology.

And though I do not, as far as I can tell, have a preference for one phenotype over another, I’ve seen so much variation among people of the same (here I go again–my apologies if I get this wrong) genotype that I think that my preference would be attenuated. For instance, if I said that I didn’t find Asian men attractive (yes, understanding the variations within “Asian”), I’ve seen enough variation among Asian men that, well, some I find attractive, and some I don’t. Just as I’ve found with any other race/ethnicity of men.

Just my not-knowing-a-whole-lot-about-this-kind-of-stuff two cents.

53

DianaG kind of answered for me…

If I’ve been so drunk/drugged that I had sex with a woman and didn’t notice, I’d call the police. And if I’ve gone into bed with a woman willingly, there’s nothing to freak out about.

If I’d gone to bed with a guy and after the fact he told me “oh by the way, I’m a trans”, I’d appreciate having known beforehand. But heck, there’s lots of genetic information that’s as important or more and we never get to have. There’s been lots of trisomic guys (XYY, XXY) whose wives never knew. Most of them were born before Mendel started fiddling about with peas.

54

In terms of hard evidence, you got me. I don’t know. However, in my own personal experience I said the same thing once. “I’m not attracted to black women.” After some reexamining of my own attitudes I came to see that it was a race issue (iow, stupidity on my part) that I’d had and it changed how I felt about it. I’ve said several times in this thread I’m not attracted to men. I’ve questioned my sexual orientation enough to know that there isn’t anything that’s going to change it. Besides that, it seems like usually when a person explains why they aren’t attracted to race A they’ll give you a list of behaviors (what I was guilty of too) which is of course not inherent to all individuals of any particular race.

55

Straight guy here…if I woke up next to a guy, my first thought would be “Damn! Getting some action at last.” I wouldn’t be too fazed; maybe just a little surprised. I believe that orientation should be descriptive, not instructive.

56

I read some research about a decade ago suggesting that critters tend to be attracted to other critters that look sort of like their family–not too close to their family, but sort of like. That would make sense, among social critters: it’d keep a group tight-knit while avoiding the dangers of inbreeding. It wouldn’t surprise me if something like that were a weak influence on human sexuality as well.

matt, I appreciate what you’re saying–that in order to say we’re not attracted to transsexuals, we must distinguish between a transsexual woman and other women. The thing is, I think that is a legitimate distinction to make. Transsexual women have had a bunch of life experiences very different from the life experiences of other women. They’ve got a different chromosomal pattern. They’ve dealt with different emotional challenges. Failing to recognize this distinction seems to me to be wishful thinking, reaching for an abstract justice that is contradicted by facts.

Even if none of that were true, however, there still would be no ethical component to making this distinction for one’s own sexual preferences. Simple courtesy and respect demands that we treat someone as the sexual identity with which they identify in most cases–but sex is different. In sex, it’s how we perceive someone’s sexual identity that’s important to whether we can feel sparks flying. If I dislike dating women who I perceive as overly mannish, or if you dislike dating men who you perceive as overly mannish, or if Joe Schmo dislikes dating Sensitive New Age Guys, that’s all completely valid. And if that’s valid, it’s valid to not want to date someone whom they perceive as a postoperative transsexual.

And, of course, it’s completely valid for someone to want to date someone they perceive as a postoperative transsexual, or to fail to make that distinction.

There’s just not a moral element to this sort of dating decision among consenting adults.

Daniel

57

I’m with Annie, DianaG and Nava. Current relationship status aside (my husband would be particularly pissed if I randomly woke up with some total female stranger and he wasn’t around), as I don’t make it a practice to either get so intoxicated I’m no longer the captain of my own destiny or to have sexual relations with total strangers, I’d be forced to call the cops and schedule my blood test.

In other words, the OP situation smacks of foul play on someone else’s part with me as the victim. Don’t care how good the sex was - someone did something totally inappropriate to me without my consent.

About the trans thing…

I’d be upset if I had sex with someone and they later informed me they were trans. Not because I find that inherently disgusting - because I dislike being lied to, even by omission. If we’re intimate enough to swap bodily fluids, we should be intimate enough for you to inform me of pertinent facts regarding your sexual history. I’d be precisely the same sort and degree of upset if I were sexually involved with someone who failed to inform me (or deliberately misinformed me) of their children, faith, or any other major life event or circumstance.

To me (and I realize this isn’t a universal attitude, but hey, it’s what works for me), a relationship that includes sex includes intimacy - which includes sharing of major things in one’s partner’s life and history.