You can help Jeremy the Snail Get Laid. Or you can go to the next thread.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Sounds like they need to teach Jeremy “snail 69”.

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Wouldn’t that be “snail 96” in his case?

4

Ah, tell Jeremy to go fuck himself.

5

I’m sure that Davison, and possibly Jeremy, want to promote as much genetic diversity as possible.

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Oh great, even snails are getting more action than I am.

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And if all else fails, there’s drawn butter and a crusty loaf waiting.

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You would think a Robot Arm would give you all the satisfaction you could stand! :smiley:

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For those who wish to know more about Jeremy, and even to see him, watch the latest episode of No Such Thing As the News. (Available here, indexed to the segment on Jeremy.) NSTAtN is a recap of humorous or unusual news stories hosted by four of the “elves” from the show QI.

It’s not as much fun as it sounds.

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Is this thread one of the “docking” ads that Ed was mentioning?

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This makes me think of the first Straight Dope column I ever read, about whether male pigs have corkscrew shaped penises.

Does a pig have a corkscrew-shaped penis? - The Straight Dope My favorite paragraph:

Much remains to be learned about pig reproductive physiology. For instance, it’s unclear whether the male pig, in the midst of his amatory labors, employs a clockwise or a counterclockwise rotation. It may be that pigs come in both versions, as with right- and left-handed humans. We can only guess at the life of heartache and misery that must await the little Porky equipped with a left-handed tool in a world of right-handed Petunias.

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Update: Good news for Jeremy!

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How will they transport the Spanish snail to him? First class plane ticket or just in SCargo?

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I don’t know whether to groan or applaud.

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I reiterate post #6.

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From the linked article:

Huh. That’s how Klingons flirt. Not to mention Pepper Mill.

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Don’t forget the nasty tea, the reading of poetry, and the female throwing heavy objects.

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They will use snail mail.

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Jeremy’s story had a few more twists, but I think this counts as a happy ending:
Jeremy, The Lonely, Left-Twisting Snail, Dies — But Knows Love Before The End

Also, if you like the story you’ll love the musical:
The Tragical Ballad of Jeremy the Left Twisting Snail
The Tragical ballad of Jeremy Part 2

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Well, not the ending I was expecting, but considering the title of the thread and that at the time the next thread was called “Sammy Hagar is 70!!!” I’ll take it cause romantic snails are more interesting than Sammy Hagar any day.