You can write "Fight Club: The Musical"

Hah!

Just caught this bit o’ news, and thought… what would the songs be like?

So here’s your challenge. Take an existing tune from an established musical, and re-write the lyrics to suit a scene from “Fight Club: The Musical”.

My own (sad, pathetic) first effort:

“Make 'Em Cry”
(Sung to the tune of “Make 'Em Laugh” from Singin’ In the Rain)

Make 'em cry,
Make 'em cry.
Swing your fists now and give it a try
They came here to be fighters my son
Show you’re a superior one!
Leave 'em there in a heap
As you walk away and leave 'em to weep!

Make 'em bleed
Make 'em scream.
Give a kick,
That’s the trick
Loose some steam.

Remember don’t tell anyone
You came to this place
And hope they don’t notice
The scars on your face!
Make 'em cry
Make 'em cry
Make 'em cry!

thwartme

Aaargh! I meant to post this to “Cafe Society”.

Mods, can anyone help me here? How do I get a thread moved?

Thanks,
thwartme

Off to Cafe Society.

DrMatrix - GQ Moderator

I assume this will be moved soon.

GEE, TYLER DURDEN
(Sung to the tune of “Gee, Officer Krupke” from West Side Story)

You’re batshit, Tyler Durden,
But we all can see
It’s your up-bringen’
That makes you hate society,
Our mothers dominate,
Our fathers ran away,
And now we’re all dressed in black!

Or

GREASED BICEPS
(Sung to the tune of “Greased Lightnin’” from Grease)

Well, Tyler’s homicidial, suicidal, fratricidal
With greased biceps!

We’ll get a dusky old basement and a bunch of angsty guys oh yeah
(Start fightin’ yeah! Start fightin’!)
Seven simple rules every Saturday night, oh yeah
(But not for money, no, not for money)
And when your noggin hits the floor, it’s over and time for two more,
I’ll pound you in the tit, 'cause I look just like Brad Pitt
With greased biceps!

Or

HE’S ME??
(Sung to the tune of “C’est Moi” from Camelot)

Paper Street! Paper Street!
From my insomniac life, I heard his call,
Paper Street! Paper Street!
We duked it out, I gave my all,
I knew somehow Tyler wasn’t what I thought him to be,
But I shit myself when I found he was me!

As a revolution’s leader, I dressed like a slob,
As an interior designer I’ve failed,
Now Bob wants to join though he doesn’t have balls,
And the cops want to send me to jail!
It sure hurt like hell when I poured lye on my hand,
And I’ve been banging that chick who played an ape,
And all this time I thought it was someone else,
Boy, I sure do have egg on my face!

He’s me! He’s me, I’m forced to concede!
Tyler Durden was me all along,
The soap salesman who
Has been laughing at you,
He’s me, and he’s been using my dong!
I didn’t lose that first fight after all
Or, I guess I lost to myself,
I ask where Tyler is and it’s always the same,
“Sir, why don’t you ask yourself?”
He’s me! Holy Christ! I’m confused,
I guess I’m a psycho at heart,
And here I stand with my pistol in hand,
Making flashback jokes as my final stand,
I’ll shoot my own head off to start!

Thanks DrMatrix .

Nice work RickJay. ‘C’est Moi’ is certainly an appropriate choice!

thwartme

“Hey Work Me Over” to the tune of “Hey Look Me Over” from Wildcat:

Hey work me over, punch in my ear
I got nothin’.

The first rule of Fight Club: The Musical: Do not sing about Fight Club: The Musical.

/best headline ever, stolen from totalfark.com

Seeing an opportunity, cornflakes stands up, takes a deep breath and with a bass-baritone voice strong and deep enough to bring Kate Smith back to life and make even James Earl Jones take notice, belts out with:

BESS, YOU’S IN MAH SO-OAP DISH NOW!

Then stops, realizing that he has made a total ass of himself and that every member and guest of the SDMB is retching for any of a number of reasons.

*to the tune of “Rock the Casbah”
*
Now this guy wants me to slug him
Somewhere in the face
We’re swinging both our fists
Outside of Lous place
Some chick at my support groups
Is rubbing me raw
and if I had a tumor
I know I’d name it Mar-ar-ar-ar-la

CHORUS:
Lou he don’t like us
Fighting in fight club
Fighting in fight club
Lou he don’t like us
Fighting in fight club
Fighting in fight club

By order of Tyler
We shave our heads bare
We make a bunch of soap
Space moneys with no hair
But we tried to trash a starbucks
with an ugly piece of art
the cops started shooting
before we got our start
Bob caught a bullet
because he didn’t duck
and that really suuu-u-u-u-uucked

CHORUS:
His name was Robert Paulson
Fighting in fight club
Fighting in fight club
His name was Robert Paulson
Fighting in fight club
Fighting in fight club*