Just as a general rule, when you at your friend’s house and the topic of conversation turns to masturbation it may seem alright to throw in the fact that your mother caught you one time when you were younger but you know what…
It really isn’t. :o
…and that’s how I got the nickname Spanky. Next up…
To clarify, it really wasn’t that big of a deal, I didn’t give the poor guy 40 lashes or anything, it was just very shocking at the moment. Matter of fact, you’re, like, a professional! has now become the flavor of the week catchphrase with my girlfriends.
nocturnal forgive me, I’m a child of the 80s, it was a spontaneous expression of shock, arguably as out of place as the comment that preceded it. 
Happened to a coworker -
One of the guys didn’t show up at the office, so she called his cell phone. She left a message that said “Call in and let us know you’re not lying dead somewhere!”
She went over to his place later that day to find out why he didn’t show up and found him lying dead on his bed.
I was at work the other day waiting tables. I had a couple order the lobster dip as an appetizer. I told them I would be right back with the drinks and lobster dick. :eek:
I was considering a part-time job as a body retriever for a local funeral director. He told me how he made a pretty bad goof-up once: on picking up a body of an obeise man the sister got annoyed with the term “loading” the body into the wagon.
He tried to placate her by saying: “how do you put film into a camera? You load it. How do you put groceries or luggage in the trunk? You load it. How do you put bullets in a gun? You…” and then just realized the death of the man was a suicide by shooting himself in the head.
I worked at a call center one Xmas a couple of years ago. A woman called to order an item, which we were out of. The suggested substitution was called “The Fancy Tart Sampler”.
Which of course came out “May I suggest the Fancy Fart Sampler?”
She thought it was amusing, but the person across the table from me said I turned an interesting shade of pink.