You did NOT just say that! (tmi)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I know I’ve had plenty of moments where my mouth ran ahead of my brain, we all have. See someone who’s normally casual all dressed up and ask “who died?” only to find out they really did have a funeral to go to, for instance. Another time a co-worker bit my head off for not telling her that one of the bosses (who happened to be related to me) had cancer and was undergoing chemo, she made an unfavorable crack about his ‘new’ short hairstyle and felt like the worlds biggest boob when he explained why he had no hair.

Last night was a new personal record of inappropriate phrasing, although this time I got to be the righteously indignant party instead of the one with the foot in my mouth.

A guy I’m seeing had a vasectomy ten days ago, last night was our first time making sure the…uh…everything still functioned correctly. Being the sweet, loving, nurturing type that I am, I was sorta kissing the booboo to make sure it was all better,eh? Naturally, due to the invasive nature of the booboo, I had to do a very thourough job of it. During which my fella kept up a pleasant stream of vocal feedback, lots and lots of affirming and a few invocations to a higher power, typical stuff.

Suddenly, in the same sporadic rambling way, he blurts out his appreciation as “Wow, you’re so good at this you’re, like, a professional!”

All activity ceased as that background noise filtered thru to my head and I realized wtf he’d just said.

“Dude! You just called me a whore!”

“No! No way! Of course I didn’t!!”

“What didja mean then, those other professional BJ givers that aren’t ho’s?!”

“No! OMG, no, baby, I’m so sorry, I just meant, omg, I’d never, blah blah blah”

Great googly moogly, boys are stupid!
Ok, help me out, tell me about a huge brain>mouth disconnect you suffered, from either side.

2

Well, to give your sweetie the benefit of the doubt, there is a shut off button to the brain when their lady is focusing her attention on certain areas of his body.

I’m sure there are Doper Men who can attest to this. :smiley:

3

I raped your dead mother.

Twice.

4

Aw, dad. You always say that.

:rolleyes:

5

get over it

6

You seem to imply that being a sex worker is a bad thing.

7

Last Wednesday at our Staff Meeting I said,

“We are just about out of green brochures. Does our crack marketing team have plans to update and print another batch?”

8

Once, on a city bus, I smelled something so horrible that my eyes were watering and I couldn’t breathe. I turn to the lady sitting behind me, and exclaim “Do you smell that??!!! Holy crap, something died in here!!”
She very quietly says, “It’s me, I have a skin condition.” And proceeds to apologize profusely.

:eek:

9

1963 or so. I’m at a football game with a friend. He lived a pretty good ways off so I’d never been to his house. I look around and see a 13-14 year girl I’d never seen before, wanting to share I nudge him and say, “Man, that’s the ugliest girl I’ve ever seen.”

“That’s my sister.”

10

Queen Tonya, What I want to know is…did you finish??

well?

11

Lat Thursday, this incredibly HPOA* showed up at the counter at my work, asking to see my boss, who was in his office. I proceeded to his office, and mentioned the beautiful young lady, and made some remark as to what I’d like to do to her if I were him. (I’ve only worked there a short time, and haven’t met all my cow-orkers family members yet.)

My boss’ daughter was amused. He was not.
*[sub]Hot Piece Of Arse[/sub]

12

Yep, it worked, thanks for sharing. I really do feel better now.

Eventually, Rooves. :wink:

13

Queen Tonya, give the poor guy a break. Men have only two moving parts, their units and their brains, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I’m the voice of experience…

14

Queen Tonya, give the poor guy a break. Men have only two moving parts, their units and their brains, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

I’m the voice of experience…

15

QT -

Don’t be too mad. Every guy is stupid at that point in time. I once told my wife that, “You are better than any other girl.” Stupid. Funny thing is that I haven’t really been with “any other girls.” Just another case of orgasmic stupidity.

16

I was the newest employee at my job, at a small paper. Everyone knew each other well since they’d been working together for years. I’d only been there a few months when one of the guys I worked with mentioned that his wife was pregnant, they were having a boy and that they were thinking of names. He said “She wants to name it Baldomero!” He didn’t sound too happy about the name, and I wasn’t that impressed, so I said “Oh man, why would she want to stick the kid with a name like that?”
Everyone got quiet and he said “Well, actually, that was her dad’s name. She was really close to him and he passed away last year.”

Crap.

17

You need to relax, or find someone you’re more trusting of… My sweetie and I, we can say all manner of nasty things to each other, and she is ok with it, and I am ok with it, cuz we KNOW that we love each other. Both of us ASSUME that anything said in the throes of passion is just that, sex talk, nothing more. And QUITE the turn-on, I might add… If you are so on gaurd that you react to something he says, … under duress… then you are uncomfortable with him, and wasting your time…

Like the song says… Light[en] Up Or Leave Me Alone…

How do you think he will enjoy himself if he has to think about EVERY little thing he says before he says it? Great googly moogly, GIRLS are stupid!

18

Manager - “Will you work on News Years Eve?”

Me - Without thinking "On the money you pay me? laughs “No thanks!”

19

At a bowling alley, many years ago:

Marcel: See that girl over there?
Me: Umm… the one that looks like a hooker?
Marcel: That’s my new girlfriend.
Me: Humminna humminna

20

Me, to driver who was previously acting like a jackass and is now stopped directly next to me at a light: Where did you get your f*%king license? A Cracker Jack box?

Driver, who proceeds to flip out his badge: No, I got it from the County.

:eek: