The "Did I just say THAT?" thread

So last night, at my theater group, we were doing an improv exercise that involved speaking for 15-20 seconds on a topic. I volunteered, and the topic I was given was “public places”.
I’m mildly agoraphobic, so after a couple of seconds of trying to figure out how to turn “I don’t like them” into a whole speech, I decided to talk about how in public places you have to be on your best behavior, but at home you can be more comfortable and relaxed.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Mouth was not working in sync with Mrs. Brain:
“Public places are a lot less fun than private places…”

We were diligently performing our parental screening duties making sure that our then 6 yr old son was not watching anything inappropriate. Mrs. Cardigan shouted from upstairs “what is he watching on tv?” I saw he was watching a Scooby Doo video featuring the “Hex Girls.” For some unknown (and perhaps Freudian) reason the response out of my mouth was - “he’s watching the Sex Girls”

You weren’t wrong.

Something that happened ten or so years back; a guy called my brother that he didn’t want to talk to at the moment.
Brother (whispering): “Tell him I’m not here!”

Me: “He says he’s not here.”

Brother: :mad:

Me: :smack:

I’ve told this story before: I’m trying to get a friend to sign a petition, and she seems hesitant. So I say “It’s just a petition. It’s not like we’re asking for your first born son.”

THEN I remember her first born son was the victim of a murder/suicide by his father.

A dozen or so years ago, I was picking up my kids from a chiropractor’s office where my ex was having an appointment. I was driving by anyway and it was a matter of convenience.

While making small talk with the chiropractor, I think I said something about feeling under the weather with a cold coming on. My daughter, trying to be helpful, chimed in with, “Maybe Dr. Steve can help you?!”. To which I responded, before thinking, “No honey, Dr. Steve is not a real doctor.”

Pause for uncomfortable silence. Quick exit.

QuickSilver, you weren’t wrong.

One summer in high school, I went away to camp. One of the adults running the place was a quiet, kind of stern black guy named Collie. I’m not sure if that was his given name or a nickname. Anyway, I was a shy, awkward white kid, and I really wanted this guy to like me. The odds of my succeeding in that aim dropped somewhat when I called him “Coolie”.

One of the people I work with is a very tall woman, 6’5’’ or something like that. Our workplace is getting remodeled and we were talking about how low the ceilings are in some places, and someone pointed out that I’d only have to lift her up a little bit and she’d be bashing her head on it.

My Brain: Don’t do the dumb sitcom thing and say it would be difficult to lift her up. Clearly make sure you mean because you’re just being self-depreciating. Or just don’t say it at all.
Me: “Uh… I’m not sure I could… I mean…”
My Brain: :smack:

Luckily they were thinking the same thing and could laugh about it. The equivalent of seeing a trap in your way and merrily leaping down into it.

Nevertheless, I felt bad. I probably caused him to suffer sublaxation and ruined his chakra for the day.

Did I REALLY just reply to Donald Trump on Twitter and call him TO HIS FACE #PresidentPissBoy?

Did I Really say that?

Bonus: Name which breath I took when I didn’t mean it…

At one of my previous jobs (a game development studio), we had a whiteboard dedicated to this exact thing.

My contribution was, “I don’t know how to model dinosaur poop.” My boss’ was the best, though- hers was, “I can’t wear skirts to the office, I spend too much time under the desks.”

When I was a freshman in high school I had to give a book report. My book: The Narc; what I said: The Nard :eek:

I was at a convenience store buying one bottled soft drink and one canned soft drink.

clerk: Those are 2 for $2.00 if you get 2 bottles.
me: No thanks, my wife prefers it in the can.
clerk: :eek:

A new mother once asked me in all seriousness, “Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?” There was a long pause. I smiled. In a few seconds, she put her hands to her face and turned away. “That’s not what I meant!! That’s not what I meant!!”

In case you are wondering, the answer is: “No, they do not.”

Co-worker got back from a snowboarding trip this past weekend, seeing as how I used to be an avid skier, I wanted to hear about it.

While a bunch of us (of various ethnicities) were together, I almost said:

“[Name of coworker], how was your weekend? Did you do any blacks?”

(For those who don’t know ski trails are grouped by difficulty, using various colors.)

Let’s keep the political jabs to a minimum. We really don’t need it in every thread.

We used to do this in my family growing up all the time. Deliberately.


Is that some obscure, archaic slur?

It was a racist slur for Asians. Still in use in the term “coolie hat”, and according to urban dictionary, in use in the West Indies for people of East Indian descent.