An obviously blind man once bumped into me. I turned around and said, “Could you watch where you’re going?”
My only defense is that I was coming home from college after two finals and an all nighter.
Still not much of a defense . . .
I once told my girlfriend that I really liked girls with big thighs…she was not amused.
On the ‘are you pregnant’ front: a co-workers (she was prgnent at the time) husband was speaking to a client of his and asked when her baby was due, when she replied that she wasn’t pregnant he replied ‘but surely you are’. I can only imagine that he had pregnancy on the brain to put his foot in it twice!
I’ve posted this here before, but once, after dating her for just a few weeks, I told my girlfriend that she looked “just like Jabba the Hutt”.
No, wait! Bear with me here. See, she’d just recoiled her head, and a little double-chin formed, and it looked sort of like Jabba’s chin and for some reason I was thinking of Star Wars and so I just sort of blurted that out…ah. Of course, more accurately, it looked nothing like Jabba’s chin and what the hell was I thinking??? Anyway, we’re still together four years later, so it wasn’t that bad. But don’t think for a moment that she’s ever going to let me forget I said that.
Heh. I would imagine that’s it’s better to say embarassing stuff w/out thinking than after some thought…
I was in a bar/restaurant w/ my mom & dad and there was no available seating for newcomers. Our table had room for two or three more and I noticed a couple standing near the bar: they had a young child in a basked (whatever the word is) and she was clearly 9½ months pregnant. I pointed this out, and after some discussion, we invited them to sit down. My mom asked when the baby was due and the woman responded, “She’s 8 months.” “Huh?” The good news is that she was either too clueless to pick up on the confusion that ensued or she was nice enough to fein confusion rather than show offense.
I didn’t learn my lesson. A while later I saw an old college friend who, again, was obviously pregnant and when I looked down I pointed at her belly and excliamed, “What happened here?!” Fortunately she was pregnant; but, I’ve spent some time since then cringing from the thought of what could have happened.
When my mum dropped my brother off at school she was talking to another mum and commented on how she looked pregnant. The other woman said nonsense and then it turned out she was. Mum thinks, or rather is adamant that it is a boy but the hospital scans said it was a girl. Until recently that is, because now the doctors aren’t even sure whether or not the baby is breach, let alone the sex of it.
I was trying to get a friend to sign a petition, and she was reluctant. I started to say “Look, it’s not like we’re asking for your first born son,” but managed to cut myself off when I recalled her first born son had been the victim of a murder/suicide by his father. :smack:
Once the Big Boss answered a call on speaker phone for a cow-orker who wasn’t in. He offered to take a message, and the nice lady said “Tell him Dr. White’s office called.” Big Boss immediately asked “Is that Dr. White the veternanian?” Turns out it was Dr. White the worker’s proctologist.
And nobody should call anyone a “Fucking Bitch” while wearing a pair of Fubu jeans with a big “FB” on the ass. That reduced me to giggles for the rest of the day.
OK, my ex-GF & I were fooling around the first time & she wasn’t that good using her hand & I, knowing she was more sexually experienced than I, actually say “Good Lord, how many times have you done this?” D’OH!
That’s not the reason she’s my ex tho, her drinking is, but that belongs in the Pit
I’ve used the phrase “beat you like a red-headed stepchild” for a long time now. Now, however, I try to remember to check for red-headed stepchildren in the vicinity.
A friend of mine was in an car accident out of state only two days before flying back home with her two small children. She was pretty banged up and bruised and at the end of her rope. An older lady spotted her at the terminal, pressed a $20 in her hand and told her “You’re doing the right thing, he would have started beating the children next.” Nancy just nodded and said thank you because she didn’t want to hurt the lady’s feelings since her heart was in the right place.
Being sexist is not having one’s heart in the right place.
Not something that I, or anybody I know, said: I saw an adult film once where the guy’s thing kept popping out of the gal’s thing and she said something to the effect of, “It’s too big. I bet you don’t hear that very often.” Then spent a bit of time back-peddling from the remark.
I still chuckle about that.
Wow, I have so many comments I want to make about this thread and even a foot in my own mouth story I’d like to tell, but I think almost every bit of it would get me pitted so for once I’ll keep my mouth shut.
I will, however, comment on this:
How in the world is that sexist? An older woman who’s seen a lot in life, and possibly been beaten herself, sees a worn out, frazzled, and bruised lady in the airport with her kids and guesses that she’s leaving her husband. I probably would thought the same thing.
Wow, that’s so sexist 
Banged up woman = abusive husband. That is sexist. And offensive.
Unfortunately, I don’t have to look very far back in time to share a ripe one. It was the day before Easter Sunday. I’m sitting at the dining room table with my kids, who are 12 1/2 and almost 14. They know there is no Easter Bunny, ok?
My daughter says, " Hey Dad I can’t believe you’re not giving us Easter Baskets this year !! " So, I said to her, " C’mon Fem=Bot, it’s not like there’s an Easter Bunny who delivers them !!!"
I’d forgotten that two minutes before, a piano student of my wife’s had sat down in the living room, 6 feet from me. A small young gal of about 7.
My daughter was mortified. I was mortified. I don’t know if this girl heard me, but she had just piped up with a story about being excited about Easter, and the impending arrival of chocolates and eggs.
:eek:
Cartooniverse
I have to say, I hate how men get shit on sometimes for things they didn’t do. But you know what?? Tough. I’d rather a stranger reach out when they percieve a need, an awful desperate need at that, than remain silent to be P.C.
Suck it up dude. The overwhelming majority of spousal abuse is male-on-female. I applaud the woman for stepping up.
My two cents.
Cartooniverse
I agree, been there, done that, abandoned the tshirt to get out alive=\
$20 is $20 …
<but my second hubby is definitely a keeper … been married now over 10 years, and a gentler man cannot be found anywhere>
A fellow employee’s brother had suffered a broken skull a few weeks back. The guy was his brother’s only family, so had to take time off to care for him. He was recovering, but would have some severe disabilities for the rest of his life.
I’m explaining something to the guy. It has to do with 2 types of hardware, both similar, but one has a lot more capabilities than the other. I say “Compared to the first group, these are brain damaged…” Oops.
I can’t believe I’ve just noticed this.
You called your b/f dude?
Is this some kinky name-calling because I’m gonna have to call my friends buddy from now on.
This isn’t a single moment, but after my father died, my whole family started to notice how often in normal conversation we say things like, “I was so embarrassed I could have died!” or “I thought I would kill him for (doing X),” or “I nearly died laughing!” or “You nearly gave me a heart attack,” or “Jeez, don’t have a stroke” or other hyperbole. I don’t know if anyone else would have been offended, but we each found we were offending ourselves, if that makes sense.
This happened to me: I was getting really worked up about some trivial thing in front of a friend and he says “Calm down, it’s not like your mom died!” Of course, what he didn’t know is that mom had a heart attack earlier that day which is why I was so sensitive in the first place. 
I work for a company that has about 400 employees on site. And I interact with a large portion of them, via email, phone, and occasionally in person. I am actually amazed at how many people’s names I know here, because I am normally bad about remembering names. But I have at least 125 names placed with faces. Anyway, I walking down the hall, and a woman said hi to me, and I was sure she was the training manager. So I asked her how training was going. She looked at me oddly, because she was someone else entirely! And we had already been introduced to each other! O, the shame!
Eh, my husband’s called me a whore, and he didn’t even have the benefit of being “otherwise occupied”.
He was merely commenting on the lovely tights I was wearing. 
OK, to be fair, he only said I looked like a whore, but it’s such a better story if he just flat out called me one, don’t you think? 