You dipped your sex in my baseball!

A week and change into the baseball season, and I got to thinking about the various baseball terms one hears during the game and how the phrase “pitcher’s mound” never struck me as funny before. Well, that just ain’t right. And now I can’t help it - all baseball slang sounds dirty to me. As in:

backdoor slider – An unexpected attack of diarrhea during anal sex.
**bang-bang play **-- Sex twice, then Yahtzee.
**chin music **-- A queef during cunnilingus.
**Mendoza line **-- The line of hair from the belly button to the crotch. So called because it prompts viewers to comment, “Mendoza some hairy nuts!”
moon shot – A failed attempt at butt sex.
ribbie – What’s on some condomies for my pleasurie.
rubber game – Sex with a skeevy-looking pick up from a bar.
set-up man – Mark Grace, when I watch him play and am “suddenly” interested in gettin’ some.
table setter – I don’t know why, but this just sounds naughty to me.
touch 'em all – What I sometimes do when it’s dark and no one’s looking.
twin killing – Overzealous breast-squeezing.
**utility player **-- A player who fills in at many positions, if you know what I mean.
yakker – A spitter.

Help me out here, so I can titter and snort during the color commentary while listening to the game at work. Got any more?

frozen rope - what my penis feels like when I think of certain DoperBabes[sup]TM[/sup].
hummer - I think you know this one. :stuck_out_tongue:
double play - when you meet two babes at a party/bar/whatever, and are able to get them both home with you that night.
broken-bat single - she didn’t have to feel that strongly about not wanting to go past first base with me! :eek:

double-header - (insert your own dildo joke here)
suicide squeeze - look, she told you they were really sensitive right now. But did you belive her? Noooo…
wild-pitch - do that again and you will end up with a broken-bat single.

dribbler - when your ‘money shot’ is less than impressive.
Texas Leaguer - minor-league talent.
bush-league play - cunnilingus.
in the dirt - anal sex.
closed/open stance - legs crossed/uncrossed.

That one’s getting back to my Houstonian boyfriend.

Pitch a no-no Failure to get anywhere with the babe at the end of the bar.

Breaking ball When she gets a serious leg cramp while you’re mounting her.

Foul pole “Geez, doesn’t that guy ever wash down there?”

Six-four-three (I can’t come up with anything good, but it has to mean something dirty!)

Flashing leather That’s a bar in the East Village, isn’t it?

Power alley Every woman’s got one.

Power alley shot Every man wants one.

Go to the pen Your pen or mine, baby?

Go down in order An orgy where everyone has to take a number.

He’s being sent down - a call to cunnilingus?
Motion’s to the bullpen - autopleasuring?
Splitfingered fastball - no comment
That one got past the catcher - unprotected sex in the heat of the moment

Ah, me. I always knew I loved baseball.

Too bad the boyfriend would get mad if I told him I wanted to call in a reliever…

stretch it into a double Twice in one night!

shortstop A diaphragm for a small woman

fastball Only had time for a quickie

caught stealing Her husband came home unexpectedly

rubbing up the ball A type of foreplay

slide under the tag Doing it with her panties still on

Oh, Lordy, we’re a sick bunch! :smiley:


bloop single - what you produce during your third ejaculation of the night. “Peter North never produced a bloop single.”

can of corn - what you hope your SO didn’t eat for lunch the night she agrees to try anal sex.

and that one is ought here! - What Vin Sculley no doubt sas during orgasm.

inside the bag - where your ejaculate went when wearing a condom.

inside the park home run - reaching orgasm through mutual masturbation. A home run is a home run, but hitting one out of the park is a pleasure all its own.

the warning track - The top of her undewear. You’ll either hear “If you don’t get your hand out of there, I’ll break your arm,” or you’ll be

waived home - given the green light.

the Splendid Splinter - not a good nickname in this case.
corking the bat - too painful sounding to joke about.
Louisville Slugger - what she calls her long reliever.
bunting - really, it happens to all guys.

Go in standing An alternate sex position

Against the wall See above

Knuckler You knuckle her. Last time I did that, I got my face slapped.

Toeing the rubber Safe sex for foot fetishists

Beat the throw Masturbation

He camps under it Woman on top

bat boy - one who frequents The Flashing Leather in the East Village (see above)

full count - the point of no return; one more pitch and you’re done with that at bat

game of pepper - a quickie

no pepper - when she isn’t interested in a quickie

putting one in the upper deck - giving her a peal necklace

purpose pitch - the line you give her when you’re trying to get her into bed

put the donut on the bat - should be self evident

robbed of a home run - he’s back, back, back to the warning track…and, oh, so close…man, he was robbed.

grip it across the seams - fondle her through her undewear

Tinker to Evers to Chance - what happens to the drunk girl who passes out at the fraternity party

pick-off move - the way she gets your hand out of her pants; see entry for Warning Track

7th inning stretch - a rest break for some water, a cigarette, and a leak

Switch hitter – obvious
The mound – mons pubis, anyone?
Sliding home – a smooth insertion
Pop fly – unbuttoning Levi 501’s
Spring Training – foreplay
Mr. October – Old guy who can still get it up
All Star Break – Intermission at the porn movies
Red Sox – when her flow is REALLY heavy (ewwww!)
Rosin – Astroglide
Slider – Astroglide coated male member
Slugging percentage – how often you get some

Yeah, pitcher’s mound…hee hee.

I really, really liked this one.

Pulling the ball: Digital stimulation of the scrotum.

Bean ball: Undersized scrotum.

Grand salami: :smiley:

Anybody looking for inspiration, check out MLB’s official terminology page.

I don’t even want to THINK about what a ground ball with eyes could turn into here…

hit for the cycle - manual, oral, vaginal, and anal

pop fly - premature ejaculation
pop foul - premature ejaculation without penetration
strike zone - translates with no real interpretation needed
triple play - at least 3 orifices involved
a bunt - groping breasts at Dopefests
caught between the bases - a woman who is on the receiving end of a premature ejaculation
slidin’ in with spikes up - oral sex with biting
There is no Joy in Mudville - no orgasm on either side
split finger fast ball - intercourse with manual stimulation

I could go on, really, well after a little rest. :slight_smile:

Hi Gundy!