A week and change into the baseball season, and I got to thinking about the various baseball terms one hears during the game and how the phrase “pitcher’s mound” never struck me as funny before. Well, that just ain’t right. And now I can’t help it - all baseball slang sounds dirty to me. As in:
backdoor slider – An unexpected attack of diarrhea during anal sex.
**bang-bang play **-- Sex twice, then Yahtzee.
**chin music **-- A queef during cunnilingus.
**Mendoza line **-- The line of hair from the belly button to the crotch. So called because it prompts viewers to comment, “Mendoza some hairy nuts!” moon shot – A failed attempt at butt sex. ribbie – What’s on some condomies for my pleasurie. rubber game – Sex with a skeevy-looking pick up from a bar. set-up man – Mark Grace, when I watch him play and am “suddenly” interested in gettin’ some. table setter – I don’t know why, but this just sounds naughty to me. touch 'em all – What I sometimes do when it’s dark and no one’s looking. twin killing – Overzealous breast-squeezing.
**utility player **-- A player who fills in at many positions, if you know what I mean. yakker – A spitter.
Help me out here, so I can titter and snort during the color commentary while listening to the game at work. Got any more?
frozen rope - what my penis feels like when I think of certain DoperBabes[sup]TM[/sup]. hummer - I think you know this one. double play - when you meet two babes at a party/bar/whatever, and are able to get them both home with you that night. broken-bat single - she didn’t have to feel that strongly about not wanting to go past first base with me! :eek:
double-header - (insert your own dildo joke here) suicide squeeze - look, she told you they were really sensitive right now. But did you belive her? Noooo… wild-pitch - do that again and you will end up with a broken-bat single.
dribbler - when your ‘money shot’ is less than impressive. Texas Leaguer - minor-league talent. bush-league play - cunnilingus. in the dirt - anal sex. closed/open stance - legs crossed/uncrossed.
He’s being sent down - a call to cunnilingus?
Motion’s to the bullpen - autopleasuring?
Splitfingered fastball - no comment
That one got past the catcher - unprotected sex in the heat of the moment
bloop single - what you produce during your third ejaculation of the night. “Peter North never produced a bloop single.”
can of corn - what you hope your SO didn’t eat for lunch the night she agrees to try anal sex.
and that one is ought here! - What Vin Sculley no doubt sas during orgasm.
inside the bag - where your ejaculate went when wearing a condom.
inside the park home run - reaching orgasm through mutual masturbation. A home run is a home run, but hitting one out of the park is a pleasure all its own.
the warning track - The top of her undewear. You’ll either hear “If you don’t get your hand out of there, I’ll break your arm,” or you’ll be
the Splendid Splinter - not a good nickname in this case. corking the bat - too painful sounding to joke about. Louisville Slugger - what she calls her long reliever. bunting - really, it happens to all guys.
Switch hitter – obvious
The mound – mons pubis, anyone?
Sliding home – a smooth insertion
Pop fly – unbuttoning Levi 501’s
Spring Training – foreplay
Mr. October – Old guy who can still get it up
All Star Break – Intermission at the porn movies
Red Sox – when her flow is REALLY heavy (ewwww!)
Rosin – Astroglide
Slider – Astroglide coated male member
Slugging percentage – how often you get some
pop fly - premature ejaculation
pop foul - premature ejaculation without penetration
strike zone - translates with no real interpretation needed
triple play - at least 3 orifices involved
a bunt - groping breasts at Dopefests
caught between the bases - a woman who is on the receiving end of a premature ejaculation
slidin’ in with spikes up - oral sex with biting
There is no Joy in Mudville - no orgasm on either side
split finger fast ball - intercourse with manual stimulation
