And…he doesnt LOOK like a detective…
The *"You don’t look _________ " *I most often get – and I suspect a good share of those KG gets – from other Hispanics is explicitly about my specific brand of Hispanic.
“But, you don’t look Puerto Rican, you look American”[li][/li]“Well, you see babe, that’s the thing: we 'Ricans, we ARE Americans”
My worst: “Wow, but you look White.” :rolleyes: (Seriously! She said it!)
“Yes, I do. Many of us are.”
Very often you can tell they’re also implicitly saying I don’t act/dress/speak like they expect.
[* Does this guy “look Puerto Rican”? Does this woman?]
I get “you don’t look like a lesbian” now and then. Depending on context, I’ve responded with “course I do - I look like me” or some comment about wearing a wig to hide my butch crop, or just silence while they realise what they just said. Or silence because they were my boss and nothing I could say would help.
I also get that I don’t look like I have a teenage child, but just respond that I was 22 when she was born. It’s below the average, especially in the circles I run in, so it’s reasonable that they’d expect a parent of a teenager to be a fair bit older.
Conversation at work with the office idiot:
Actually, I am part Native American.
No you’re not.
How do you know that?
You don’t look it.
My brother is very dark, lives in New Zealand, and is often taken for an aborigine. I kid him that he took all the Native American genes.
I couldn’t disagree more. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and it’s a false assumption to think that stereotypes aren’t valid simply because they don’t fit 100% of the classification.
I came into this thread expecting to read comments from a lot of people who chose to be offended by the statement the OP referenced. I wasn’t disappointed. I don’t understand why the response back has to be some snarky comment.
There is nothing offensive about saying “you don’t look [ … ].” It may be a little bit ignorant, but in and of itself; it’s not an offensive statement. Why not reply with a simple “I’m not sure what you mean by that.” Or like Ms. Pumpkin said: " “Oh, what does___ look like?” in a genuine way.
It’s just tiring having to help people overcome their prejudices or ignorance. In some situations, it’s also annoying having to defend yourself just for existing.
I never thought of it as defending yourself. I just think that they have a preconceived idea of what someone would look like based on that category.
Any chance you saw the interview (60 minutes, I think) with Aaron Rodgers? They show a clip where a fan says to him along the lines of “I thought you’d be bigger,” and it clearly pissed him off. I couldn’t get why he was all pissed off. The fan had a preconceived notion about a “bigger than life” NFL quarterback; and was taken aback when he actually saw he was a regular sized guy. He didn’t mean anything bad by it. I tried to put myself in Aaron Rodgers shoes; and realized it’s not that specific comment that was the problem… it’s the same freaking comment every single time he meets someone new. Then I could see having a problem with it.
Defending yourself in the sense that sometimes they (either obviously or not) think you’re lying.
And you’re right about it being the frequency of asking that’s annoying. Though I always try to put myself in their shoes - they don’t know they’re the last straw, after all.
I was dating a woman for a while, and we were openly affectionate when we were out at our local bar. I often had men approach me and say “you don’t look like a lesbian”
I’d just reply, “I don’t taste like one either” and walk away
I would say, “Oh really? What do I look like?”
I’ve decided the gene that makes people say that is closely related to the one where a person will hear where you work, and ask if do ____ (preconceived notion of what everyone who works there does for that company).
“You work at a library? Do you check out books?”
“You work for an airline? Are you a pilot”
“You work at a school? Are you a teacher?”
As I’ve stated above, the “You don’t look ____” statements don’t bother me; because it’s natural to have an image in your mind of how things are. But the “Are you a ___” questions bug me. I think it’s because it usually devalues what you do. Like you have to immediately defend why you don’t do the job they thought you should be doing if you worked there.