You fucking rich little TWERP. (Kinda weak rant)

The BBQ Pit
21

And his friend has none. He deserves a pitting because anyone that far removed from the real world deserves to be pitted. He doesn’t understand that young college students don’t just have $2,200 or $12,000 dollars lying around, that is completely and utterly idiotic. Not to mention that when the person on the phone is obviously trying to work through his finances in these amounts, it’s crass to imply that they are piddling chump change.

I’m not rich by any means, but I make a good living and have money in the bank. If someone is mentioning that they are having trouble making ends meet and paying their monthly bills, I don’t mention that I spent thousands or even hundreds on things. I just keep my mouth shut, offer constructive financial advice, if appropriate, and respect my friend.

22

I took this to mean his daily wardrobe costs about $12,000, not just one outfit.

23

I don’t see why you got mad about this answer. He only tried to look at the issue from your point of view with making some guessing about clothing prices and trying to see your point about it. I really doubt he actually knows what anything in his wardrobes costs.
When he later offered to help you out, you were still much too angry to look at that offer with the needed perspective. You also don’t explain why you think he would bring that issue up again, ever. I mean: do you recall when, where, why you payed something you don’t even notice paying for someone else, and bring it up at every given occasion? Why would you?
I really don’t see why you are so angry with him.

And what others brought up about people in several other nations, that you must imagine how they look at your lifestyle - which means for them the summum of luxury and wealth - is absolutely something you should consider to regain your perspective.

Salaam. A

24

I took some advice from this thread and called up my friend. Not only did I invite him up, but I did explain to him that our perception of money was a little different, and I apologized for treating him as if he was supposed to feel the same way I do.

He let me know early on that most of the people that he spends his free time with are in a similar financial situation as he is, which leads me to believe that he doesn’t really understand that someone could possibly not just have thousands of dollars lying around. I asked if he wanted to hear about my perspective, he said sure, so I laid out for him my budget, how much I’m paid, where it goes, and things like that. He didn’t know what a FAFSA was, nor that the government even offered money to students.

I told him where I shopped, what I wore, the things I ate, my leisure activities… those kinds of things. Things he pretty much already knew, but never really thought about. It surprised him that I lived on, in a few weeks, what he goes through in a few hours. He said that he always thought that people with the financial situation I have WERE the “poor people,” and I think that I’m doing pretty well compared to some other college kids. My family is a mid-to-upper class family in the area, and we bring in under 100k for a family of 5.

I also told him that people DO live in the streets around here, and it’s not just some TV thing. I told him about my friends from school who had been wearing the same clothes (not every day, that is) since early high school. Needless to say, I think I got through to him, and I think the problem all along was that he’s never actually been EXPOSED to someone who isn’t carrying 10 platinum cards and thousands in cash.

I did invite him to visit, he accepted, having never been here. I hope that when he comes, he’ll gain a greater appreciation for the non-millionaires. He also apologized when he realized how smug he sounded when he offered to pay my tuition out of his pocket, and told me that the offer was still up if I was interested. I told him we’d talk about it when he gets here.

So, I suppose this isn’t quite as flameworthy as before, if at all. It’s incredible what a short talk with someone can do to change some of their outlooks. Hopefully he’ll take it to heart.

And no, Libertarian, I don’t begrudge him his wealth. I just found it downright disgusting for someone to spend $12,000 on an outfit (NOT even a suit, he clarified this for me; his suits cost a bit more), whether or not it was hard earned money. Sure, he has the right to spend it on whatever he wants, but I also have the right to disagree with frivolity.

25

I’m glad this has a happy ending. Also, I would take the money, if I were in your situation. If you truly feel that you can’t accept it without major issues (issues more important than $2200), you can always give it back later.

26

I may be doing the OP’s friend a disservice here, but I firmly believe that there is nothing that’s completely free. Taking that money would transform the friendship, I think. If the OP’s friend then asks for any kind of ‘reasonable’ favor in the future, the OP will likely feel obligated because of this gesture. This kind of thing is easily, and sometimes unconsciously, transformed to a kind of feudal relationship. My freedom of action is worth way more than $2200.

27

That sounds like a great outcome!

I do remember meeting someone like this when I was 14. TJ, from Connecticut, “The richest state in the Union!” he always reminded us, when we did Outward Bound together. He was probably the most despised member of our 10-person group – well, aside from the guy who threatened to murder a girl in the group, that is. Several members of the group were teenagers from really poor backgrounds, and he was so astonishingly clueless that we all hated him. Poor guy.

I once asked him what he thought the poverty level was for a family of four. He thought about it for a minute, then guessed, “$80,000 a year?”

Nope – it was somewhere around $9,000 at that point. He didn’t believe me: he really thought that if your household income was less than $80,000, you were living in poverty. This was in 1988, I believe.

It’s possible that you’re about to bring your friend in for a major epiphany, caphis; let’s hope he’s able to learn something!

Daniel

28

This is why I would strongly suggest only taking the money if you can repay the favor very quickly. And make sure that it’s understood that you’re repaying it completely–if that’s not understood, it could get very sticky.

Ask the friend what he’d like that you can provide. For myself, it’d probably have to be something baked or cooked, because that’s about the only craft thing I’m really good at, but if you’re a good artist, or if you’re a good carpenter, or if you’re a programmer or website designer, there’s all sorts of things you could do as an equal favor to the friend.

Daniel

29

Ask him if he’d be willing to do it as a very low interest/interest free loan, since accepting a gift of that size makes you uncomfortable.

Then, ask him if he’d be willing to play Sponsor-A-College-Student for a Doper in, say, Pittsburgh…(kidding…I’m not quite that shameless about begging for cash. Well, not when I’m not hungry.)

30

You idiot. You presumptuous little turd. Frivolity? At least his frivolity is merely material. You remind me of the guy who begs forgiveness for a $1,000 debt and then when granted it, goes out to collect all the $5 debts everyone owes him. Downright disgusting? That’s how you appear in your $100 thousand income home to people who deserve, but do not have, the luxuries you enjoy. You haven’t learned anything from this. If, in fact, any of it is true.

31

You’re quick to jump to the offense, but thankfully, I’ve got more control of my tongue.

If you’d please explain how you came to the conclusion that I remind you of that guy, I’d appreciate it. I think it’s clear that I’m not the kind to even ASK for forgiveness for a $1,000 debt, let alone actively collect from others. If anything, there are dozens of people to whom I’ve loaned money in the past when they were in tight spots, and I have yet to ask for it back. Oh, wise one, tell me the error of my ways.

If any impoverished soul wants to tell me that I look downright disgusting because I, personally, don’t live off of $100k (in fact, I made it clear that my family probably COULD front money for me to live comfortably for the next 4 years), then so be it. I’m not saying that I don’t have luxuries, or even that he should not be entitled to luxuries. I’m saying that careless spending of money disgusts me because I can see better ways to help others with the same money. Sure, I binge every now and then and see an $8 movie or I may have nice things. But I work my ass off. And if I had such money to blow on shit (are you saying that $12,000 for an outfit is justifiable?), I wouldn’t be buying anymore “luxury” items than I have now. I’d instead give that $12,000 to 12 people who were actually impoverished and hope it helps them out.

What the fuck do you want me to learn? I KNOW I have it good, right now. I told you in several posts that I DO feel like I’m doing very well for myself. Back up your hostile, arrogant claims, or piss off.

32

I disagree with most of you. I don’t think that caphis should take money from his friend.

I think he should tell his friend that he appreciates the offer, thinks he can make it on his own, and hopes that if he ever is in dire need of assistance he can turn to his friend for help.

Why? Caphis is trying to impress upon the guy that living within your means is a constant challenge, not something to be fixed by another’s gift.

The best thing that either of you guys can give each other is friendship. Your buddy gains an understanding of how others live; you gain security by knowing you can get financial help if you ever really need it.

Your actions may not impress your friend now but as he gets older I think he will admire you for your pride.

Bubba

33

You’re a liar. One of those “would give” people. You give nothing but grief and envy, and if you had wealth you would hoard it. You are the man you pitted.

34

Christ on a cracker Lib, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?

35

Holy crap, Lib! Do you remember posting this morning that you too try [to give people the benefit of the doubt in proportion to the size of the suspected fuckup]?

I definitely don’t see you giving this guy the benefit of the doubt; on the contrary, you’re making what looks like a bizarrely out-of-the-blue attack on his character, calling him nasty names and a liar, for an offense that even the offended was quick to forgive.

Please do try to give folks the benefit of the doubt. Hell, I’m a little afraid that by posting this I’m gonna earn myself some of that vitriol.

Daniel

36

Errr…if we could edit, I’d change that “Holy crap” to just “crap.” Sorry about that–I don’t even notice when I’m being blasphemous sometimes.

Daniel

37

</holding tongue>

Excuse me, you self righteous fucktard? Where the fuck do you have the callous pride to claim that I, someone you have NEVER FUCKING MET and know NOT A GODDAMN THING ABOUT am I liar? And that I am one of those “would give” people?

Go fuck yourself up the ass with your holier-than-thou facade. I am not a “would give” person, I DO give, however I can, whenever I can. My college meal plan includes up to 10 ‘guest meals,’ all of which have been given – for each semester that I’ve been here – to people who are living on the street. People who are begging for a goddamn sandwich. People who would be MUCH more deserving of generosity than you ever will be.

I’ve spent countless hours volunteering my time at the local homeless shelters and have gotten to know several SEVERELY impoverished people. People whose situation has made me break down and cry, on several occasions. Not just the nameless, either, but last year when I was holding an extremely well paying job and was able to pay most of my tuition out of my own pocket, I gave several of my friends enough money to eat with. A friend of mine with a child was planning to drop out of college last year because she couldn’t afford a babysitter for the odd hours she was in class. Myself and three other people helped take care of her child for her while she remained a full-time student for NOTHING, and have never asked for repayment.

I’ve helped out everyone who needs help that I can possibly think of, and have never turned my back on an honest request. I am not a “would help” person; far from it, I DO help people. If you converted every ounce of spite in your warped little mind into a desire to actually HELP people, that would probably be enough to solve everyone’s problems. But no, you sit there, on your ass, and make claims against people that you DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW. I don’t go out of my way to make myself known as someone who will help out; making a point of my level of servitude makes me seem pretentious, so I havent.

As for you on a personal level, I don’t know you either, nor do I claim to be able to make judgements about your life or how you live it. But, because of your crass, arrogant remarks, I will tell you to go shove your bullshit back up your ass.

38

The OP’s friend has no perspective because he’s young. His “real world” is a place where $2000 is a pittance, hardly an amount of money to get worked up over - just as my “real world” is a place where $20 - $50 is a weekend’s entertainment money (something that would utterly shock a person from Somolia or Haiti, where $50 may be 20% of their yearly earnings). As he grows older and sees more of the wider world, he’ll develop a better understanding of his actual financial situation compared to the “average” person.

If the OP’s friend deserves pitting on that basis, then so does the average citizen of a First World country who actually believes he/she is struggling to earn a “decent living” when in reality he/she lives like a king compared to the “average” citizen of this planet.

Plenty of young college students DO have $2200 lying around. After all, the amount of disposable income a student has usually depends on their parents’ socioeconomic status, and rich people’s kids go to school, too (often going to the same small subset of very prestigeous and expensive schools, which exacerbates the problem - during their studies, they don’t see many “ordinary” college kids who aren’t driving Beemers or spending their summers in Paris).

You’re older than the OP’s friend, and that makes a difference. You have a better understanding of how much people’s finances can vary, and more awareness of the fact that what constitutes “chump change” varies considerably from person to person. The OP’s friend’s crassness was born of ignorance and shock, not malice, and such ignorance is something we’re all guilty of at some time or another.

39

We may very well also deserve a pitting. I don’t really consider a pitting a strong rebuke, regardless of the wording used, it is just a message board. He should know that he’s somewhat divorced from reality, and hopefully his exchange with caphis will help expand his horizons.

I can excuse some lack of perspective in youth, but he IS in his 20’s, I would expect a bit more than that from an educated person. At least with respect to things like average income, minimum wage, etc. as a way to understand the society in which you live. Perhaps he didn’t even realize he minimized it the way he did, that’s cool.

40

Libertarian, I have to ask, since I’m completely perplexed…what the fuck are you babbling about? Seriously…you’re acting like a complete whackjob.