Lib, perhaps you should take a nap? I frankly am not understanding where you are coming from on this one.
caphis, I agree with LeftHand of Dorkness on this one, in that if you can find some way to make an equitable deal with this guy, where both of you feel like you got what you wanted, you should go for it. Whether it’s an interest-free loan (get agreement spelled out on paper so there’s no ambiguity), or you trade him with a bunch of home-cooked meals or a painting of his family or something like that, then go for it.
I’d also like to point out that you really don’t want to go down the road of “what is really justifiable spending.”
Don’t do that. Because as others have mentioned before, you’re never going to please everyone, and your standards of what is acceptable spending and what is wasteful will not be viewed that way by everyone. You can’t win when you start with that.
I understand what you mean, but see, it’s not your call to make. It’s not your money this guy is spending on clothes. You don’t get to decide.
I’ve been on both sides of this issue. Once I had inherited some money and I spent some of it on new clothes. I had just lost a lot of weight and got clothes that fit me. It was something that I’d promised myself I’d do when I lost that weight. And I got a lot of clothes. It was great. (Not that I got expensive clothes—just different styles of jeans at Sears and Pennys, but still—it was great.)
But some petty, bitter friends of mine didn’t see it that way. I was being “wasteful” with my money. Other people could use that money I was pissing away on clothes for something more important, see? So my friends bitched bitched bitched at me for how I was spending my money. I still remember how crappy that felt, for them to do that to me.
I personally would choke at the thought of someone spending that much on clothes, but it’s not my call to make, and it isn’t your call either. Please don’t fall into that trap. It’s none of your business. Don’t be petty. You cannot control how this guy spends money and how he spends money has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
That’s great for you. Do that when you make your own money. But don’t second-guess how he should spend his. It’s odious. Do you want people to do that to you? Do you want someone hovering over your shoulder, telling you that the $8 movie you “treated” yourself to was not “justified”? Wouldn’t you find that extremely irritating if someone did that to you? Obnoxious? Yeah. That’s because it is obnoxious. So don’t do that. Don’t even start to do that.
I almost choked once when my sister talked casually about plunking down $500 for a ring. Just a ring. A piece of jewelery. I could not fathom it. That’s a lot of money to me, and if it were me and I had $500 to piss away, I’d put it towards a new G5 Macintosh computer, or perhaps something for the pottery studio. But a freakin’ ring? How frivolous is that? But then I realized that it was not my call to make, and the ring was important to her, and unless I wanted to be a petty bitch (like my friends who bitched about my new wardrobe), I’d never utter one critical word to my sister and I would be happy for her.
If you don’t want someone begrudging you your small indulgences (or large ones, as the case may be), if you don’t want someone questioning every penny you spend, don’t do that to someone else. It’s true that this guy is clueless, but time will sort that all out. I don’t think he means badly—he just doesn’t get it.
