I’m just gonna ramble here. It’s taken me a while to read this entire thread. I started it when it was new, but I had this sewing machine to wrestle with ;).
One issue that no one’s brought up yet is the possibility of repudiating inherited wealth. Let’s call the OP’s friend “Ruddiger”. Suppose Ruddiger didn’t wear $1200 or $12,000 or whatever outfits. Suppose he chose instead to wear faded jeans and flannel shirts and t-shirts with raunchy logos. Suppose he never talked about how much money he had, while trying to conform to what he thought was “normal” or even “poor”.
I guarantee that it would backfire on him at some point. Someone with an ax to grind would eventually find out where his parents lived. Or they’d notice that Ruddiger had perfect teeth, and Ruddiger would admit that in his youth, he’d had a lot of orthodontia. Or they’d notice that Ruddiger had the newest, latest gadget, such as a SOTA cell phone.
Then Ruddiger would find himself up against the wall, defending himself against charges of “What, you think you’re slumming? You trying to be one of the po’ folk? Fuck off back to Upper St. Clair!” Might as well “act rich” and make no bones about it, than pretend to be something you’re not and be doubly condemned, first for having money, then for being secretive about it, as if it really is wrong to inherit wealth.
When I was in grade 10, a friend of mine called Teri-Ann, who lived in the projects, introduced me to another girl, also from the projects, called Pam. Now, Pam and I could have been friends, but for the chip on her shoulder. It started slow, but eventually it was an everyday thing: “You got contact lenses? You got a new pair of corduroys? You got a whole bag of Doritos for yourself?”
It didn’t get under my skin right away. The contact lenses I could understand, because Pam also wore glasses. I remembered how envious I’d been of contact-lens wearers, and assumed she felt the same way. But I was less sympathetic about the corduroys—I mean, big deal, new pants, and they weren’t designer! And the Doritos thing really defined her position.
See, Pam had, I think, two siblings, maybe more, living with her. My sisters hadn’t lived at home since I was little. My dad was also hardly ever home, because his job required him to travel. So it was me and my mom, and my mom preferred a different kind of snack food. I didn’t think my mom was spoiling me by adding one bag of Doritos to her weekly shopping list: to me, spoiling would be allowing me to scarf them up in a day or two, then immediately running out to get more. But Pam saw it as, I didn’t have siblings to share with, so I was ipso facto spoiled.
And then there was the job thing. See, in my community, Daughter generally kept house while Mom worked. That still makes sense to me: Mom has completed her education and training, so she can earn more. Daughter can divide her time between housework and homework, so she can get into a good school, and eventually reach the same ability to earn as Mom has. But Pam and Teri-Ann both worked at a burger joint because (I think), the family needed every little bit that could be earned right then.
So Pam was down on me for not working outside the home. (I truly understood what Betty Friedan was on about after this was all over.) Finally, one day, she asked me point-blank, “Do you get everything you want?”
“Not when I don’t deserve to.”
Followed by a long discourse about basically what I said above: I did work, my mom could earn more, I needed time for my schoolwork, and I didn’t want very much to begin with. I was never a “gimme girl”, believe me. I may not have paid cold hard cash for those contact lenses, but I earned them through good behavior and trustworthyness and not asking for anything else for a while before or after.
Well, Pam basically…didn’t answer. In fact, we stopped talking to each other after that, by mutual agreement. And because I didn’t want to put Teri-Ann in the middle of this, I didn’t see much of her for a while either.
Finally, months later, she and Pam had a falling-out over something totally different, so we started hooking up again. Now, I wasn’t the one who brought it up, but we eventually got around to the subject of Pam and her “You got this? You got that?”
“Because she doesn’t have anything!” Teri-Ann snorted. “Listen, if she had your money—”
“[sigh] I don’t have money…”
“If she had money, period—she wouldn’t know what to do with it! She’d spend it all on Fritos and junk jewelry!”
Boss, who also started out in the projects but worked himself up (I don’t know what happened to Teri-Ann, but I imagine she got out of that shit town and never looked back) says that in the long run, it’s bad to buy cheap. A cheap car will break down more often. So will cheap appliances. Cheap clothes will wear out faster. Cheap food is not necessarily nutritious. So there you are with car repair bills that add up to more than you paid for the car itself, a new crappy coffeemaker every year, clothes that either look like shit or likewise have to be replaced often, and poor health because you’re not eating right. That’s not getting ahead.
Mr. Rilch has followed his lead on this. They wear polo shirts and cargo pants to work, not torn jeans and concert shirts. It makes them look successful, which is highly important in the film biz, and, because the clothes are well-made, they don’t tear as often or wear out as fast. (Of course, I’m there to mend what does get torn…;))
And even the guys who are stuck in grunge mode when it comes to clothes still understand the importance of appearing to be a success. If your car is a POS, people will think, “Well, he must not earn much—must not work very often, or not for a good salary. Well, if no one else wants to hire him, why should I?” Same with gadgets. You don’t necessarily flaunt what you have, but it’s not politic to admit “I can’t afford an iPod.” Unless you have a respectable debt, like child support or a chronically ill spouse. (But you don’t want to noise that around too much either, lest people think you’re trolling for pity jobs.)
So I would say that some expenditures are definitely “justifiable”. In order to better yourself, you have to treat yourself better.
