Inspired (word of the day) by someone’s choice in my ‘Going to Hell’ thread.
You get to meet someone notorious and famous. What do you say to break the ice.
“So… Lost any World Wars lately?”
I’d “Heil, Heil, right in Der Fuhrer’s face!”
Well no I wouldn’t actually.
“So, uh, how’s it hanging?” :dubious:
Strange. That’s not the version I learned.
Second verse “The other, is in the Albert Hall”
To Hitler?
"So, Slappy, how does it feel to know that not only is your name synonymous with insanity and evil among mankind, and that as a result of your actions there is a Jewish homeland with one of the most powerful militaries on Earth - one that’s getting along fine with Germany, by the way - but that since you’re here, you’ve got solid proof that your ideas have been totally rejected by the Big Guy himself? I guess it’s The Jews 1, You 0, eh, Mein Fuhrer?
“Now if you’ll excuse me, Madalyn Murray O’Hair and I are gonna go talk to the management and see if I can get anything done about this red hot poker. I’d love to be able to sit down. Talk to you later.”
“I know what you’re planning, and I want in.”
I’ve always had fantasies about ruling Hell.
“Mein Fuhrer! I can walk!!”
Ah, that was my second choice. You’d have to do it over and over. It’d probably be very frustrating since I doubt he’s seen the movie.
To Hitler: “Why, you bastard.”
That’s pretty much it.
So, Mr. Hitler, what exactly are these sweet nothings you whisper into our leaders ears when they’re dreaming at night?
You’re right, of course. I’d show him the movie, then say it to him over and over. From a safe distance.
Just 1 for the Jews? I’d give them more than that. I think you cited at least 4 different points scored.
I think I’d actually want to show him The Producers first.
Niiice hair, shorty! Say, where did you get that outfit? Steal it out of an open locker at a San Francisco bath house?
[wait for reply]
Come on! Come on! Wanna start somethin’? I’m right here!
That was supposed to be Kim Ill Jong. :smack:
Does it have to be a phrase? I’d perfer to just kick him in the balls and be done with it.
If it has to be something said, I’d go with the following
“Mr. Hitler, you were a lousy painter, a bad soldier, a genocidal maniac. Your idiotic insistence on micromanaging the military went a long way to losing the war for you, you fed over the german economy that you helped rebuild. Oh, And your book was one of the most horribly written pieces of s I’ve ever read. I want those 5 hours of my life back, you ass****.”
By what account was your life not a complete and utter failure?"
Actually, I think his paintings were fairly good. Not masterpieces but much better then anything I could do, but hurting his feeling would be more important.
(Hand him car keys.)
"Park it someplace up front, and do not mess with the mirrors. "
Well, he was actually a pretty decent soldier, so long as he stayed at the junior NCO level.
He was a decent enough artist, so long as he stuck to drawing or painting buildings, but he couldn’t do people at all well.
However, as said… If the purpose is to hurt his feelings, have at it.
Hitler wasn't the maddest of the lot, though, nor the biggest killer:
"Yo, Koba! Yeah, *you!* Stalin! How does it feel to a jumped midget-monster, the biggest arsehole in history?! Hey, ya remember Trotsky? Well, he's got a red-hot poker with your name on it! He'll be around soon's he gets done giving Lenin a once-over. Oh, by the way, Joe ol' buddy... The Soviet Union? Well... It collapsed. Died of fright it did, terrified into a fit of vapors by a decadent geriatric capitalist actor, a Polish priest, and a shipyard mechanic! Hah! So much for your historical imevitability! You *lose!* Russia is a capitalist society now!"
Then, I think I'd pat him on the head in a patronizing way, and tell him to run home to mommy and hide behind her skirts.I don’t think I’d need to say anything to Hitler. A swift kick in the nuts should get across all I have to say.
[ This message has been deleted by order of the United States Secret Service ]
Osama bin Laden
I wouldn’t say anything, just fasten one of those indestructible bear-tracking collars on him and run like hell.