Oh my.
I know we’ve had these types of threads before. Where everyone comes in and posts the most outlandish gift they’ve ever received. And I know it’s all true, 'cause I believe you guys. That said, apart from some hideous clothes or the occasional smelly cologne to the inappropriate/bizarre timing (the year my SO proposed, he got me a pair of hiking boots, a pillow and a lounging-type sweatshirt with my name airbrushed on it for Christmas – the boots were the bomb though!), nothing too freaky had ever really crossed my path.
Until yesterday. :eek:
We’re all sitting around and I’m doing my typical faithfool goofy response ™ bit because I just can’t help myself. I ended up some cool toboggans and some political music and a gift card to Dollar Tree. Hell, add in some vanilla fudge and it’s all good. My daddy even bought me a daisy hippie clock.
Well, then I open my aunt’s present. :eek: :eek:
Exactly how does one react to re-gifted sample shit from pharmaceutical reps?? 
Lemme enumerate here what I can remember. What I got was…
[ul]
[li]a regular pen that was somehow special because it was flat[/li][li]those push-out-of-a-pen eraser dealies[/li][li]a mousepad that you know you can’t really scoot over well[/ul] [/li]~and~
[ul][li]a Lunesta calendar[/ul] [/li]There was more too, but my short-term memory ain’t what it’s never been anyway. Plus, their advertising failed because I can only recall the last one. But oh, how I oohed and awed over it all too, regardless. Just like I did over what I did like, but you better believe you me that it was a tad difficult.
“That’s sooooo awesome! How on earth do they make those so skinny?!”
“Yanno, I’ve always thought I could use < whoever’s > medicinal information under my mouse… so handy!”
“Damn, I haven’t been able to remember to buy any more erasers lately for… um, yeah, I can always use more. Who couldn’t?”
“That’s THE BUTTERFLY! I looooooove that BUTTERFLY!! Look honey, it’s THE BUTTERFLY we like on those commercials we used to see all the time. Wow, THE BUTTERFLY!!”
I was driving myself (more) nuts. But it had to be done, because I adore her and wouldn’t ever dream of telling her how surreal that all was. I’d just save it for you guys and y’all could simultaneously share your interestingly horrified stories and I could fish for birthday wishes at the same time. See, it’s a win-win-win situation. 
Thanks for listening. And may everyone’s gift receiving occasions be equally eventful, amusing and fun.
Disclaimer: I am in no way meaning to bash my aunt. This is purely meant as a humorous aside. No real aunts were harmed in the making of this post. Please only drive your aunt wisely, on a closed course and with an instructor. Not endorsed by any other nieces anywhere. Void where prohibited on St. Paddy’s Day.
Plus, for those days when you couldn’t care less who you impress, something you hate is always good for painting in, removing shoe polish with or using as a Halloween costume. Gotta love those brain farts, huh?
