Psst… I hear Poindexter likes it rough…
Most of us loud “God I hate kids” people were forced into the defensive by kid loving people.
Sample conversation.
*Producer of Spawn: Isn’t this baby cute?
Me: uhh yes very cute.
PoS: The cutest thing you’ve ever seen.
me: Yeah the cutest.
PoS: Look at the cute nose.
Me: yep deffinately cute.
PoS: And the cute little toes.
Me: ummmmm yeah still cute.
PoS: Have you ever seen cuter fingers:
Me: Sure… okay.
PoS: You can hold it.
Me: No thanks.
PoS: Go ahead hold it.
Me Nahh.
Pos: You want to hold it.
Me. No I’m good.
PoS: Here… hold it… take it.(shoves it in my face).
Me: I don’t really want to.
PoS: Why not!!!
Me: It smells like shit, I’m going to gag if I get any closer.
PoS: You’ll get used to that when you have kids of your own:
Me: I don’t expect to ever have kids.
PoS: Yes you will.
Me: No, I don’t plan on it.
PoS: (stupid knowing smile) That’ll change.
Me: No it won’t. I really dont want kids.
PoS: You’ll marry a girl, and she’ll want kids.
Me: I make it a point to to get involved with someone who wants kids.
PoS: You don’t mean that, you want kids.
Me: yes I do.
PoS: You just haven’t been around them enough.
Me: I’ve been around them too much, I really don’t like them.
PoS: Once you spend time with them you’ll change, you’ll want to spend more time with them.
Me: No the more time I spend around them, the more likely I am to go to jail for homicide.
PoS: You can spend more time with little Spawn.
Me: I’m serious, I really don’t want to.
PoS: Were going on Vacation next weekend, we’ll have the babysitter bring him over to your house for a while, so you can get to take care of him.
Me: Look!! I don’t like children! I especially don’t want smelly little shit factory in my house! If anybody brings it over to my house it will spend the day on the porch sitting in the cat carrier!
PoS: (sniffs and stomps off in outrage).*
Or I can go with plan B and save time.
PoS: Isn’t this baby cute.
Me: God I hate kids!!.
PoS (sniffs and stomps off in outrage).*
With older kids it ends up in much the same conversation with a few varations. I really feel sorry for girls, cause PoSs will eventually accept that a guy really doesn’t like kids, but it is impossible for a chick to not desire to pump a few out.
And just WHY is it fair to hate the parents for how their kids behave? All people are the product of their environments, it’s just that kids are smaller, cuter, and stupider. If a kid is a jerk, don’t be afraid you shouldn’t think it just because he’s had bad parenting, because apparently the parent didn’t either. If a kid’s acting like a jerk, he’s a jerk!
Wolfman, go ahead and dislike kids, but I’m with you if you hate Producers of Spawn. Be rude to them, not me. I swear to God, I do not need everyone on this earth to have 2.5 kids, a dog and a house in the suburbs, to affirm my personal choices.
The people who insist on trying to plan the reproductive life of others are the ones causing a lot of the friction. I know a woman who asks me, every time I see her, why I don’t have 4 kids, just like her. I tell her that, since Mr Ki is fixed, the next kid will come with a divorce. She is not fazed.
So, if I promise NOT to tell you about my difficult labor, ask about your ovaries or sperm count, insit that you’ll love having a housefull of squalling brats, “if you just try it,” and let my children crawl through your apartment, screaming and sticking gum to the furniture, will you promise to behave with passing civility to me and my kids?
Remember, I’m breeding so you don’t have to.
I don’t particularly like children.
I would never say so in front of a child.
It’s well-known among my friends that “Aunt SisterCoyote doesn’t babysit.” I’ll help watch rugrats when I’m in their vicinity, but I choose not to be alone with them until they can talk and use a toilet. I’ve done my fair share of diapers, and don’t care to do any more.
As far as the “You have to want children” crowd goes, I’ve found that the most effective way to get them to leave me alone about it is to tell the truth…
…I don’t need kids of my own. I worked at Disneyland.
The last time I got into a board discussion about children was almost a year ago and I’m still licking my wounds. But we all get “stupider” with age so I’ll jump in again.
Although I don’t have any of my own, I like children. I’m especially fond of well behaved children. That’s not to say they have to “act like adults”, after all they are children, but a 10 year old should behave differently than a 5 year old who should behave differently from a 2 year old. That being said, I do not want to “experience” children in a restaurant.
Our society has evolved to where almost everyone eats out. The frequency ranges from occasionally through regularly to daily. (I fit into the last group.)
As part of this evolution, parents also take their children out to eat. There’s nothing wrong with this – until the parents decide to stop being parents and for the duration of their dining experience they disregard the noise and mess that their offspring generate.
That’s where my patience runs out. A two year old that wants to scream at the top of his lungs or throw food around is looking for attention – and needs it. The five year old that visits neighboring tables to see what they’re eating needs to be returned to his seat. The parents of the ten year old that is racing his sister through the restaurant remedial classes on parenting.
Kids will be kids. But the time and place to let them “do as they please” is not in a restaurant.
Update: I should mention now that my ire was fueled by hormones. I thought late period + puking = pregnant. But it was just the wrong combination of junk food + PMS.
Now that I’m buoyed up by the crimson tide, I’ll say, good attitudes all. But jarbaby, you wouldn’t drink beer if you were pregnant…right?
[sub]I was one of those cowed, unnaturally quiet kids, because I was clubbed into submission. There IS a better way.[/sub]
I definitely would not. But not having beer for nine months is a prospect I can just barely a mental hold on. and you can’t drink while breast feeding I hear…so, I mean, yikes. I better have the best fucking kid in the world if I’m giving up my favorite hobby
jarbaby
Sure SouthernStyle, everyone likes well-behaved kids. That’s why the media tries to sell us stuff using smiling, adorable, articulate, respectful little toddlers.
Some of us are smart enough to know that more often than not that is not how kids act.
I’m not sure what you’re getting at, so maybe I’d better be a bit clearer.
I’d like to be able to go into a restaurant and enjoy a relatively peaceful environment while I dine. While a big voiced man or an after hours office party will not go unnoticed, they needn’t dominate the room.
But there’s no way that one can avoid hearing a screaming child. And their high-pitch scream goes right through me. If the child isn’t ready to behave in a public establishment, the parents have no business subjecting strangers to their position. Parents hear their kids day in and day out. They know which screams are pain, which are seeking attention, and which are the brat coming out. I don’t. And I don’t care which scream is which. It’s the parent’s responsibility to sort those things out.
Now I expect loud kids in McDonald’s, Wendy’s, etc. These establishments cater specifically to that market. But as you go up the restaurant ladder, there should be some level at which restaurants discourage diners under a certain age.
I have no idea where that level is. But it should exist.
My wife and I went to one of the nicer places in town a while back. Typical bill, including bar tab, is about $50.00/person. For that kind of money, I’m not buying a particular cut of meat, or their one-of-a-kind exotic salad dressing, I’m buying food, service, atmosphere, etc. But who should be seated next to us is a couple with two children under 5. These kids were spoiled brats. They wouldn’t sit still, they yelled when their parents weren’t paying them specific attention, their sticky hands made a mess of the table, chairs, decorations, condiment servers, etc. There was food all over the floor and anyone not quick enough to get out of the way. They had no business being in an upscale restaurant. Except that most restaurants aren’t willing to turn away revenue.
That’s my position. As someone that eats out at least one meal every day* I’d like to know where I can go and have a reasonable expectation of a peaceful atmosphere as well as a decent meal.
SS
Have to poke my head into this one and put in my 2 cents worth. I have six boys ranging from 18 down to 10. One biological, one (ex) foster son, one adopted, three stepsons. From June 1 thru Sep. 1, I have all six of them together at once and whomever they bring home with them. During the winter months I only have the three stepsons at home. They thoroughly delight me to no end and keep me younger than my years. All six of them have never given me any of the problems that I gave to my parents. I can only attribute this to the fact that my husband and I spend a large portion of our free time with them. First and foremost we are the disciplinarians and the authority of this household, second of all, we are their best friends. Connected by a very strong bond of love, understanding, trust, honesty, respect, and faith. Maybe I’ve just gotten lucky… they are all great kids with no hang-ups.
This did not come about by accident, it took years of molding. From the moment of conception, it’s a life long committment and one that I have never regretted. They are my future. Listen to your children. Talk to your children. Our entire future depends upon them and the decisions that they make. You reap what you sow.
If you see an unruly child, it is my firm belief that it’s not the child’s fault, it’s the parent’s.
First: I have three kids and four stepkids, three of whom have lived with me and one of whom is still here (the stepkids, that is).
Second: my biological kids are 6 1/2, 3 1/2, and 2…XY, XX, XY.
Third: I agree completely that if you go to a very nice, upscale restaurant, you shouldn’t bring your little kids. A 10-year-old will sit quietly and not raise a ruckus. A 5-year-old will not.
Fourth: However, if you go into a fast food joint and expect to have a quiet romantic evening with your SO, well, a) you’re delusional, but b) expect there to be loud kids (and yes, I know SouthernStyle addressed this, and thank you).
Fifth: I hate kids (“kids in general”-type thing) as well. I babysat ONCE in high school and found it so repulsive that I never tried to do it again. However:
Sixth: People are right; you have absolutely no idea - not even if you’ve helped raise siblings - not even if you’ve had stepchildren - if you don’t have them yourself.
Seventh: The points addressed in “sixth” are not a bad thing, or a handicap, and this is one mother who doesn’t think you’re a lesser person if you never ever want kids ever ever ever.
Eighth: wolfman said: “I really feel sorry for girls, cause PoSs will eventually accept that a guy really doesn’t like kids, but it is impossible for a chick to not desire to pump a few out.” My response: horseshit. Plenty of women don’t ever ever ever want kids, and more power to them.
Ninth: jarbabyj: I’ve had three kids, right? I love the living shit out of cappuccino, a rib-eye steak makes my night, and I went to see Tool on Sunday night. My eldest son is becoming a Lenny Kravitz fan and thinks Gorillaz are a fucking trip and a half. Anyone who thinks that motherhood = “Baby Beluga” by fuckin’ Raffi for the next 10 years is very deluded and probably MISERABLE. Every parent is different. As long as you don’t put crack in his bottle and blare Rob Zombie directly into his ears with the volume all the way up, little potential jarbabyjbabyj should be just as normal as any of us. Which is quite terrifying enough.
Tenth: If you happen to be talking to a housewife - oops, I mean “stay-at-home-mom” (fuck this shit, I’ve got a Betty Crocker Cookbook; I’m a housewife) - and she rambles on a lot about her kids? Cut her some fucking slack. You hang around with people you work with all day, and when you go home or go out with your friends you tell work stories or talk about the TV shows you’ve seen lately, or movies, or books you’ve read, or what have you…well, bear in mind that our work stories ARE our kid stories, and vice-versa. If you want us to be interested in, “Bob turned this problem around on this client SO AWESOMELY today,” then you’d better be willing to be interested in, “Freddy did this totally adorable thing today.” Tit for tat and all that good shit.
Eleventh: No matter what, you will remember the children who have pissed you off more than you will remember the children who were well-behaved around you. I remember the chick who yelled at me for asking her kid to quit bouncing my movie theater seat FAR more vividly than I remember the chick who complimented me on my Marvin the Martian t-shirt. Just because the last kids you ran across in the line at the bank were obnoxious little twatknobs, don’t assume that mine are going to be.
Twelfth: Just so’s y’all with no kids who don’t like kids know: if a little kid asks you a question, go ahead and answer honestly. If s/he understands, s/he will have learned something; if s/he doesn’t, s/he’s no worse off. “Whatcha doing?” “Waiting in line.” “What for?” “Nunya.” “Huh?” “Nunya bidniss.” “Uh…ok…” I’ve had that conversation with my kid any number of times. At a certain age, you can explain to them that sometimes people don’t WANT to share every detail of their lives with some little kid…but until then, they’re easily distractable.
Above all, bear in mind: they’re NOT little adults, and I don’t just mean about their behavior. The other day my daughter (the middle kid) was looking out the car window, and she saw the moon. Here’s what she said:
“Look momma…the MOOOOOOOON! I see the moon! Hey, if that’s the moon, where’s the - - OHHHHH, that’s right…we’re ON the Earth!” She had, at the age of 3 1/2, just made that connection. I could tell her a million times that we’re on the Earth, and that the Earth is a planet, and that the moon goes around it, but her little brain has to make that cognitive leap to actually UNDERSTANDING IT. They ask what seem like stupid questions because they are born with the knowledge of absolutely nothing. They’re not asking questions to pester you, they don’t have some secret “kid-hating person” sensor…they just want to know what the fuck this place is they’re growing up in, and how it works.
I’m with many others who have posted here. I don’t expect you to like my kids. I don’t expect you to think they’re cute. I don’t expect you to watch them for me, and I don’t leave it to total strangers to teach them manners. However, I also don’t expect to be glared at for having committed the grievous sin of having reproduced in the United States. I mean, sorry for polluting your country with my bilious offspring and everything, but someone’s gonna have to be around to keep this place going after you’re gone.
phew
:::Standing ovation for Hamadryad:::
Sweetheart, I love your rant, but methinks wolfman was being sarcastic. He feels sorry for women because it’s even more difficult to get people to accept the fact that a woman doesn’t want children, because it’s impossible [etc].
Sweetheart, I love your rant, but methinks wolfman was being sarcastic. He feels sorry for women because it’s even more difficult to get people to accept the fact that a woman doesn’t want children, because as everybody knows, it’s impossible [etc].
::wild applause::
::mutter to neighbour::
[sub]My ten-year-old is a Rob Zombie fan, and has been known to sing Tom Waits’ ‘Plastic Jesus’…[/sub]
matt_mcl: whoosh Now I feel like an idiot. Fortunately, I’m a cheerful idiot.
tisiphone: “My ten-year-old is a Rob Zombie fan, and has been known to sing Tom Waits’ ‘Plastic Jesus’…”
Yes, but you’ll note I said “As long as you don’t put crack in his bottle and blare Rob Zombie directly into his ears with the volume all the way up…” (Bolding after the fact.) All I’m saying is don’t damage his little tiny baby eardrums. He’ll do that just fine on his own as soon as he hits about 11. 