You have $50 billion; what spiteful thing would you do?

In My Humble Opinion
81

I live in Topeka, the same city Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church are lurking.

I’d buy ads in the local paper offering to make donations to any church they picket. Just send me a video and I’ll sent them money. If it’s a business or some other location, I’ll send a donation to the charity of their choice.

The Topeka AIDS project would get a donation that would allow them to do even more than they do on their shoestring budget. And they would be able to get decent offices.

The local congregation of the MCC would get a hefty donation as well.

The two homeowners who live in the same block as the WBC compound would have standing offers to buy their property, so if they want to move they wouldn’t have to worry about finding a buyer. If I did buy the homes I’d move into one of them. Maybe I’d paint the house pink. Hey, I’m a middle aged heterosexual female, but I love to poke Phred and company in the eye.

With 50 billion I could do a lot of poking!:stuck_out_tongue:

82

I’d take out a full page add in every paper in the nation, create and run a 1 minute commercial on every television station, radio station, and social media site in existence, including YouTube, detailing a threat to do something very, very bad and evil, according to Republicans anyway, something like buying off the right people in order to mandate equality for everyone …and then never get around to it. The panic alone would be absolutely delicious.

83

Buy a football team, a baseball team too. When some millionaire jerk of a player does something, I would buy his contract, put him in a uniform and *never let him play again. *

84

Oh, I have always wanted to be a US Senator. Since you have to run for office, my platform would be;

I will filibuster all business in the Senate until they change the filibuster rule.
I will put a secret hold on all business in the Senate until they change the secret hold rule.
Something else, once we hit them with the first two.

85

I might do the most vile thing imaginable. Buy the SDMB and force everyone to use a David Hasselhoff avatar.

86

Buy every radio station in American and switch them all to a 24/7 Pat Boone music format, interspersed with the recorded speeches of Richard Nixon.

87

I would scour the world to find the very best surgically qualified otolaryngologist out there and buy him (or her) a fully equipped and staffed hospital on one condition: they must operate on me first.

88

I’d buy my local hockey team and permanently ban the asshole behind me who keeps yelling “Hit the zebra”.

And his little dog, too.

89

I’d build my own nuclear power plant. Paint it green, so it’s “green energy”. Use it only to power my own house. Lawyers and bribed judges and politicians will keep it open and running. Then, offer to simply give it to the government for free in exchange for a guarantee that it will be kept open for its useful life and for an end to moratoria on new construction of nuclear power plants. Subsidise construction of nuclear power plants worldwide, fund projects for developing improved treatment of nuclear waste, and subsidise disposal of nuclear waste in the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone (which will get improved facilities and funding) for the near future.

For every member of Greenpeace and every underinformed/ignorant celebrity neo-hippie like James Cameron that gets on a plane for the purpose of going to protest the Belo Monte dam or Brazilian deforestation (Brazil has the world’s strictest environmental legislation, thank you very much – yes, the implementation is a little lacking at times due to limited state resources, but that’s being worked on), I will drop a single napalm, Agent Orange, or Fuel-Air bomb on an uninhabited rainforest area. For every new (as opposed to second-hand) car they buy, I will pay someone to drive a newly-purchased Aston Martin (heck, might do it myself at times) across a country of my choice, only for the new car to be crushed into a cube at the end of the trip. The cube will be delivered by air freight to their front door. If the new car they buy is a goddamned Prius, the country to be crossed will be Russia, lengthwise, twice. This will all be well publicised in advance, and continue until the pillocks either shut up or accept that change starts at home.

90

For a while I have seen this thread and come up with nothing. Then I thought about people who have humiliated me, or friends, or just other people for no good reason and decided the anti bullying crusade needs to be stepped up several notches.

First off, my personal bully in grade seven. I hear she is with the police force these days. I also hear she is a home-wrecker. I am sure a private detective and some deep investigation, photos and other things could ruin her career. If someone finds out how to make her become overweight that would be a bonus.

The people who teased the gays in my high school will pay. I don’t know, maybe targeted long distance radiation laser or something to completely render them impotent, and their wives and girlfriends will leave them and be paid off to insinuate publicly that the homophobic bullies were lacking in virility themselves for years.

The parents of my first boyfriend…no just his mom… was a mean spirited elitist snob. I endured one thanksgiving weekend stuck in their country house while she mocked my weight, my clothes, told my boyfriend that she didn’t know what he saw in me, ran down my parents and basically decided that since I was from small town northern Ontario I must be a lumberjack. The term “hearty peasant stock” was used once in a scathing manner. She also (after the boyfriend and I broke up ) read letters between us, including one where I responded to the boyfriend’s revelations that his brother was gay. She disowned her gay son. She has a fairly successful consulting firm. She is hideously and notoriously racist against first nations people.

She’s about 70 now, but I want to hire the best people to open a competing company, hire away her best sales people and completely ruin her company’s reputation. I also want her to somehow be crash landed in a northern wilderness for 6 weeks, with plenty of fresh water, enough provisions that she won’t starve, but she will suffer and possibly have to be reliant on the help of some first nations people, dirty bush people, and oh if she could have a disfigurement to her teeth as a result that would be a bonus. Once she is completely shattered and penniless I will help her estranged son completely restore the company’s business to its former glory on the condition his mother never gets more than a welfare level income for the rest of her life.

My son’s grade 1 teacher… never get another job teaching ever. Just that simple. Doesn’t matter how.

My cousin who abandoned her kids…(did a bunch of stuff to me too, but I really don’t care it’s how she messed up her kids is what bothers me) disabled daughter gets trust fund and life time care on condition her mother has nothing more than visitation rights. The sons who were dumped off with their dad get fully paid educations and paid in full houses in which they live rent free and will get title to on their mother’s death. No money, but as long as they can get a job enough to support food, utilities and taxes they are set up for life, on the condition their mother may never spend more than three consecutive hours in their houses.

The aboriginal high school will get a lot of funding, not just because they need it but also as an in your face to all the racists in my town. I want a native drag queen to run for mayor.

I have plenty of money left over, probably fund a secret ninja anti-bullying task force to continue to target child and wife/husband abusers, teasers, racists, animal abusers…who you gonna call… Tauntbusters!

91

I would spend some of it to support moderate Republicans, and primary the hell out of every sitting right winger. Disenfranchise the entire Tea Party movement. Then spend the rest on liberal Democrats and pack the Congress with sane Americans.

92

We’re being spiteful here?

Then I’d use it as collateral to short a major too big to fail financial institution. All 50 billion used to back a massive short. I’d drop the motherfucker into insolvency, threatening another Lehman if Treasury didn’t step in. After the bailout of one bank, I’d try to torpedo another. I’d just keep doing that until I ran out of collateral. If I actually succeeded in destroying a bank (and I wouldn’t, but we’re being all hypothetical here), then I’d actually make money on the deal, which would give me a bigger pool to draw from when I targeted the next.

Although really, given what’s going on in Europe, they don’t seem to need any help from me on this one. Depending on when I got my 50 billion, I could maybe attack Germany as the last domino in the euro crisis. That would be fun, too.

93

I honestly can’t think of a thing I’d do. I’m just not a spiteful person.

If that’s considered threadshitting, I apologize.

94

Wait, I thought that we were all planning on using a David Hasselhoff avatar, just waiting till we all had one that we were happy with. Was I misinformed??

hh

95

And I thought I would have to pay extra for a David Hasselhoff avatar.

96

If you want it, here it is
Come and get it
but you better Make your mind up fast.
If you want it, anytime
I can get it
But you better hurry cause it may not last.
Did I hear you say
That there must be a catch?
Will you walk away
From a fool and his money?

97

I once worked for a small company where the immense majority of the workers were conscientious, serious, hard-working folk but the behavior of top management was simply unacceptable. Death threats, blackmail, constant insults. Their hiring practices were and remain on a side of the law so shady you need a flashlight to read the contracts.

Buying the company would count as a public service, but hiring a team of sharp-eyed accountants and HR lawyers to place the former managers’ asses in prison for as long as the legal system allows it would be a personal pleasure.

98

Replace Verhoeven with Uwe Boll.

99

Nah. I want a bad director. :smiley:

100

I don’t have anyone in mind toward whom I wish to be spiteful, but I’d put in place a network of detectives. Whenever someone pisses me off, I snap a picture of them and send it to the detectives. The detectives proceed to dig up as much dirt as possible on this guy, and brief a team of professional harassers on my payroll (one team for each jerk). The harassers follow him around all day, telling him what a prick he is, heckling everything he does, and divulging all his secrets to everyone he talks to. The harassers also record their escapades, and periodically send me the highlights of the footage.