Do you break down and admit it in the hopes that they could ever forgive you?
Hide/deny it ever happened?
Do it again?
Other?
Hypothetically asked so the answerer will assume the deed has been done, no “I would never…” posts please.
I’m stuck, but I think I’d break down and admit to it, perhaps after a brief stint at trying to keep it under wraps.
Try your best to be as understanding as possible while they attempt to kill you or snip off body parts.
Well, if I was going to cheat, I’d like to think I’m smart enough to avoid getting caught. If I wasn’t caught cheating, I don’t see any reason for admitting to it. I’m sure I’d probably feel guilty about it, but that guilt would be a direct result of my own actions, and I’d have to live with it. I would rather keep it to myself and protect my husband’s feelings than confess and hurt him immensely just to make myself feel better.
On the other hand, if I was confronted with proof, I would probably deny it and lie. If I couldn’t lie my way out of it, that’s the only time I’d confess and beg for forgiveness. (That’s assuming I wanted to stay married, and not leave to go be with my boyfriend.)
But that’s just me.
Rose
Well, since Wicked Blue has apparently read my thoughts, I’ll just “ditto” what she said.
Teehee…any wonder why I’m Wicked Blue and you’re evilbeth? 
Rose
Since you don’t want the “I wouldn’t” cop out, even though tI wouldn’t(:)) let’s just assume it happened once and once only.
I’d tell my boyfriend right away, say I’m sorry and it’ll never happen again. I’d never be at peace otherwise, and the relationship would just be false and full of a big lie.
Finding out much later would hurt so much more than finding out right away.
It’s not cheating when they give you permission.
Been there, done that, kept it to myself. Of course, the fact that I often legitmately had to work late just made the ex believe I was having an affair with someone entirely different.
I’d tell and live with the consequences. Would eat me up inside otherwise.
I would only fess up to it if I knew that he would find out eventually. If I knew that there was no way that he would find out unless I told him then I probably wouldn’t, just because it would only cause him heartache without proving anything at all.
If I knew that he would possibly find out then I would confess to him before he found anything out on his own. I think he would take it better if I was the one to confess to it than if sdomeone else accused me of cheating.
Kitty
I cheated, and I 'fessed up. I did so b/c my partner in crime was part of my then SO’s and my daily life. I didn’t know if I could trust him to keep mum and wanted to “control” how my SO found out.
I think if you’re in a situation where your SO wouldn’t otherwise find out, you need to evaluate if you want to tell him/her b/c “honesty is the best policy” or just to make yourself feel better.
Can’t speak from experience, but from what I’ve read in other places, if it was a one or two time thing and you don’t have any intention of leaving, you are better off not saying anything. You might feel guilty, but if you tell, your SO will always suspect you in the back of his/her mind.
Or at least that’s what they say. It sounds like a plan.
On the other hand, if you were confronted…that does make the situation stickier.
head explodes trying to figure it out
But if I were going to leave, I think I might have to tell, because I would have to tell why I was leaving (for the other person).
I think there may be something to that!
[sub]And anyone who has a Billy Joel lyric in their sig is #1 in my book![/sub]
If I’m pretty sure that I won’t get caught -
Never, ever, ever tell.
If it’s eating away at me, good. I deserve it.
But, I see no reason to hurt someone I supposedly love for no reason - I think its selfish when people do that. It doesn’t seem like being upfront, it seems like trying to get absolution by causing someone else harm.
If I’ve got caught, or getting caught is imminent, confess… I think its better if the information comes from me than if it comes from someone/somewhere else.
Ditto amarinth.
Telling someone of the affair is, IMHO, a fairly selfish act. I don’t believe it’s really an issue of honesty or trust in the relationship, because that’s already been broken. When you tell someone of your shenanigans, it’s simply to absolve your own conscience. You cheat. Your tell your SO. Your SO cries. You feel better for telling. Wonderful.
I had silly one-night-stand while dating someone else in college. I told the girl. She forgave me. I feel totally dumb about that now. It did no good. She would not have found it, and if she did, I didn’t care, because this wasn’t a serious relationship. There was absolutely no good reason on earth for me to hurt this person by telling them.
As for getting caught these days. Forget it. My current SO has a nose for these things, and there’s not a shot in hell I’d be able to pull it off, without some minor slip-up. Stupid mobile phones.
I did it, copped to it later that night, and it made things much tighter with Mrs. Barbarian.
It comes down to why you’re sleeping around on your SO. If it’s because of problems in the relationship, then you might be able to work through it and build a better relationship… which happened to me.
If you’re shtupping others because you’re horny… then you should be like Dr. Pinky and get permission first.
If you did it confess. These things usually do come out and if your spouse/SO finds out from someone else even if it’s years later, the damage is even worse.
After that be prepared to deal with the fall out, and there can be alot. you might want to check out the infidelity section at the forums here http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/Ultimate.cgi?action=intro
Don’t blame the spouse/SO for the cheating whatever you do ! They may be responsible for half the problems in the relationship, but the decision to cheat is on the one who strayed and no one else. Unless you said Honey I’m going to boink ______________ ’ s brains out and they said OK I don’t mind at all dear have fun.
I have never cheated on an SO. I know how it feels.
Admit what you did. From personal experience I can honestly tell you that its the only alternative you have (unless, of course, you have no regard for your SO, in which case you shouldn’t be with them in the first place).
“Supposedly love?” Isn’t it obvious that you don’t love them enough to be committed to them if you’re having an affair?
I confessed not to unburden myself of guilt, but becauase I had done a dishonest thing and my wife had to know about it in order to make a decision about whether she wanted to stay. To fail to do so isn’t giving the other person an equal say in the relationship.
I cheated my SO only once (well twice - in the same week, two d,fferent women) in my life…Never told her,but i left her soon after the fling- the point being I wasn’t feeling like a sack of shit the next morning, which meant the reletionship with her didn’t mean much to me.
The other important thing is…the second woman i cheated her with, is my wife now—and i never cheated her since the day we met!!!