You think SCTV is funny.
You buy your pants one size larger in the winter so your longjohns will fit underneath.
Err… or is that just me?
You stop BBQing??
nah - with a gas one, you just brush the snow off, fire it up, and toss the steaks on. If your buddy’s over for supper, he comes out with your beer and stands in the snow with you to keep you company, while your wives chat in the kitchen.
You can hum the theme to Definition.
Things just haven’t been the same since they cancelled The Beachcombers.
See, this is where you show your French-American roots, Jack. If you can enjoy drinking Brador while picking gold foil out of your teeth, you have to be from, or influenced by, Quebecois culture.
::shudder::
So three guys are in a bar. One of them nudges the other two and motions over to the bar where two gorgeous women are seated. One of the guys decides he’s going to try to hit on the two women. So he goes over to them, and nods with a smile. They nod back.
“So how are you two lovely ladies this evening?” They just shrug.
So he tries again. “Where are you two from.”
The first woman says “Saskatoon, Saskatchewan.” With that, the guy goes back to the table.
“How did it go?” one of the other guys asked.
“Not so well,” he says “Apparently they don’t speak English.”
… when you and your SO do it doggie-style so you can both watch the hockey game on TV.
You know you’re Canadian when…
The trunk of your car doubles as extra freezer space in the winter.
I just wish I could get Lola interested in watching hockey… 
You use the phrase “do you smell burnt toast?” to imply that somebody is acting weird.
20 year old Americans drive into your city on the weekends, go to the bars, and giggle and high-five each other like they’ve just gotten away with something illegal.
You automatically double the price of anything advertized on TV.
You have never seen anyone carrying a weapon (gun or knife) in real life.
You stayed up half the night on October 30th, 1995, watching CBC, worrying.
You know what that last reference means.
And how about the afternoon of September 28, 1972?
I regularly feel very Canadian when in Spanish class we’re discussing stuff for which our chileña professor has no translation. She had to invent a word for “ice storm” (“tormenta de hielo”) and find an approximate equivalent for “tuque” (“gorro,” which is apparently Bolivian!)
“¡Esas cosas no existen en nuestra cultura!”
I was only 13 days old then (And in Scotland). So what was the outcome? Who won?
:R&D:
Newsitems like Doughnut Shop Employee Mistakes Vibrator For Pipe-Bomb are part of your daily existence.
“They found a bomb in the ladies-room over’t Horton’s, eh?”
“It was a dildo.”
“Newfies. I knew it.”
Argh. I can’t get the damned link to work. Well, if you live in Toronto you probably heard about it.
It’s understood that the phrase “Car!” involves moving a hockey net.
You can make jokes about the size of someone’s caucas.
You watched the movie “Highway 61”.
You were sad when Ernie Coombs died.
You know the meaning of “Toonie Tuesday”, “Sudbury Saturday Night”, “Timbit”, “Gottle of Bolson Molden” and “Grapes”.
You eat your fries with vinegar.
Only one person carries the canoe during a portage.
<nitpick>Actually, there are four seasons, winter season, maple syrup season, hockey season and July</nitpick>.
This is definitely two jokes grafted together, but…
A guy goes into a grocery store and asks the cashier for half a head of lettuce. The clerk says no way, we can’t just cut it in half and give it to you. The customer asks the clerk to go find his manager, so the clerk goes to the back and says, “Boss? Some asshole just asked for half a head of lettuce.” Then he turned around, saw the customer, who was standing right outside, and said, “And this gentleman would like the other half.”
So the deal’s done and the boss asks the kid how he got so smart. The kid says, “I learned that when I was in Canada last year. But apart from that, all they’ve got is whores and hockey players.”
The boss says, “Hey! My mother’s from Canada!”
“Oh yeah? What team does she play for?”
“Let me spread my moolah around your dissipating caucas.” …What’s-her-name, in Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie’s sexy ballad Tax Me, Brian.
Ah, damn. Now I have to link to the Trolls’ Canada Song. (2.6Mb .mp3 file)
[sup]Obligatory link to their CD at MP3.com.[/sup]