You Know You're Canadian When: (And other Canadian Jokes)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

[li]You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. (Homer Note: “Ha ha ha! It’s funny 'cause it’s true!”)[/li][li]You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.[/li][li]Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.[/li][li]The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.[/li][li]The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.[/li][li]You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.[/li][li]You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u’s from labor, honor, and color.[/li][li]You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.[/li][li]You know what a toque is.[/li][li]You’ve plugged a car in overnight.[/li][li]You’ve defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don’t own a gun.[/li]-----

Bring 'em on!

2

The most erotic lingerie ever?
Flannel. mmmmmmmmBOY!

3

  • You know what Poutine, Serviette, and Parkade mean. And pronounce each word properly.

  • You don’t pay for medical care. Ever.

  • You’re indignant when told you say ‘aboot’, if you’re not from Ontario.

4

. When you say you’re going fishing and everyone just assumes it’s ice fishing.
. Your kids ask for a day trip to the magnetic north pole.
. The moon comes up twice before the next dawn.

5

There are only two seasons, winter and July!

6

…you have more Canadian Tire money in your wallet than actual change (and sometimes, more Canadian Tire money than actual money, period).

…you know what the heck “Canadian Tire money” is.

7

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.

40° Fahrenheit (4.4° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians Sunbathe.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won’t start
Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water get thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-40° Fahrenheit (-40° C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt. St. Helens freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can’t thaw the keg.

-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying “cold, eh?”

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over.
The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
[sub]Go Sens![/sub]

8

Canadian Tire money is worth more than the loonie. :mad:

9

When a bank gets robbed in your border town, and everyone says, “musta been an American”…
.
.
.
.
.
.
and later find out it WAS an American… :slight_smile:
SFCanadian

10

We Canadians are finally going to help America with the War on Terrorism.

We have pledged two of our biggest battle ships, 600 ground troops, and six fighter jets.

After the American Exchange rate, they ended up with two Mounties, one canoe, and bunch of flying squirrels.

11

This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read.

12

Now that was just down-right low!!!
[sub]Go Leafs![/sub]
:smiley:

Correct spelling of Canada:
C eh? N eh? D eh?

13

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Kwyjibo *
[B[li]You know what a toque is.**[/li][/QUOTE]

And you own several. That you knit yourself.

14

I’d like to say that I came up with all these, but non!, 'tweren’t me:

http://www.standonguard.com/toocanadian.html - I got the t-shirt for Christmas :smiley:

15

You know you’re an anglo from Quebec when you go to Vancouver and try to find a depanneur-- and nobody knows what you mean.

You finally find one, and can’t believe that it doesn’t contain beer.

Then you ask some kid if it ever stops raining, and he says “How would I know? I’m only seven!”

16

Actually, I thought the proper names were “winter” and “road-work”…

17

Your daughter’s vocabulary developed in the following order: mommy, daddy, no, Hockey (which she used as a nickname for her brother), and Zamboni™ (I swear to god that’s true, folks.)

You say “my back still hurts when I hear that word” everytime someone mentions Tillsonburg

If you grew up in the 70s, you use “decent” as a synonym for “excellent” (As in, “Is Rush ever decent, eh?”)

You were royally pissed when you found out “Canada Dry” was an American company

You order “Canadian” bacon in the US and wonder what the hell that disgusting thing that arrives on your plate is

You don’t understand why Americans don’t get the Tragically Hip

18

You know what a bunnyhug is…

19

HEY !:mad:

A Canadian never lets the beer freeze.
[sub]We drink it all before that ![/sub] :smiley:

20

Your favorite candy is either Smarties or Coffee Crisp.
Your favorite beer is Brador.
You belong to the Gino Vanelli fan club.
You wear Calvin Klein designer jeans.
You have attended an April Wine reunion concert.
You currently reside in Florida.
The french-slang term “Wayon-wah” (spelled phonetically here) is a part of your vocabulary.
You end every sentence one of three words: there, me or eh.