You dream of lots of kinky monkey sex, and wake up with a bad back.
…you attend the cd release party for the MUZAK version of “Work It” by Missy Elliott
The cop calls you “sir” instead of f*ckwit.
You have to settle arguments between your prostate and bladder on a regular basis.
Someone in GQ asks a question about how to keep skin looking young—and you can tell them what doesn’t work.
“Pulling an all-nighter” means not being awakened at 3:00 am by the call of nature.
Anti-establishment jokes/music/movies piss you off.
You realize that kids who were born the year you graduated from high school are graduating from high school.
you remember life before the internet
(hey my cousins don’t remember that!)
[ul]
[li]You don’t recognize most of the bands listed in Billboard’s Top 100.[/li][li]You catch yourself saying “When I was your age…” to someone.[/li][li]You have to describe an obsolete technology to someone because he’s too young to know what it is.[/li][/ul]
You know you’re getting older when a good st is more satisfying than a good fk.
There was a GQ question like this???
::runs to search for the topic, since I’d been thinking of asking the same question::
- your weekend plans are that you don’t have plans.
- your drink of choice when dining out does not come in a bottle
- your don’t calculate how much each person can spend on dinner out before you order.
- you try to hit the early movie, so you can be in bed at a reasonable time.
You go into a hardware store and the sweet, young, age-about-20 clerk notices the Buddy Poppy on your hat. And then goes on to say that it reminds here to renew her American Legion membership which she has because her grandfather was in Vietnam.
Happened to me about an hour ago. My wife is still giggling.
when your back goes out more than you do…
When at the ripe old age of 38 you’re asked by an adorable 8 year old if there were airports when you were a girl…
And when (at the same ripe old age of 38) you occasionally find Cottonelle Moist Wipes (baby butt wipes for grownups) a really good idea and recommend them to your friends and no one thinks that you are peculiar…
You know you’re getting older when:
- The smell of pot makes you cringe, not want
- It’s last call, and you are wondering where your children are…
- Your favorite song from High School just played on the oldies station. (Just heard Nirvana on a Classic Rock station…WTF??)
- You keep track of your cholesterol
- You no longer wonder what Rogaine is, but wher you can get some…
- Viagra is no longer a joke for you
- You can recall when home computers attached to your TV
- You remember when the NFL had players who knoew how to act after scoring a TD
…you make a bee-line for threads like this.
My story:
I’ve been away from home for the past 8 weeks on business, with plans of being home over the holidays. When I recently asked a friend (back home) what was going on for New Years, he said “Danny’s having people over.”
Well. Danny’s married with a pregant wife. Which means I’ll be spending New Years with about five married couples, one of which includes a pregnant woman!!…
Holy fuck! Am I that old??? I mean, c’mon, it was just last year that I was ringing in the New Year at the Rainbow Room in Hollywood. No wait, that was two years ago…or three…maybe four…shit, was it five?..Fuck, it was six…or maybe-- aw jeez…
Long story short: You know you’re old when you’re spending New Years Eve with pregnant chicks, or chicks with kids.
Happy
When you find a tape from high school, and you’re sitting there listening to it and feeling good. And while looking at the label, you realize the copyright on it is 20+ years old.
…when you leave the concert and the tour bus pulls out in front of you. You know damn well all the members of Van Halen are on the bus, but it’s late and you want to get home. So you don’t follow the bus.
The cute girl helping you pick music at the juke box looks up at you and says “My Dad just loves this music.”