Franklin Pangborn is the desk clerk when you check in to your hotel.
…and Walter Brennan is the crotchety old geezer on the front porch.
You give a street kid a coin and he runs back to his pals saying " Gee willerkins look what I just got "
You say hello to a woman in the street and she replies " Are you trying to make love to me? "
When you have to push past Hitchcock and his dog to get into the hat-store.
When a bum tries to mug you but he slowly takes off his ragged overcoat and carefully rolls up his sleeve before adopting a boxers stance.
Knee slapping!
Part II of this rule is “See” added to the end of statements. “The cops are on to us, see?”
- Police officers are always kind, helpful and decidedly the good guys.
- Kids are good. Precocious, perhaps, but generally good. And rarely around.
(Exception: films revolving around bad kids.) - A black woman in a maid’s uniform wordlessly serves your drinks and food, as though mute.
- Men open women’s doors, and, if in NYC, hail the cabs as a matter of course.
- Women in public places are not wearing pants. Ever.
- The strongest language to escape anyone’s mouth is an occasional “damn” or “hell” and only in the most extreme of circumstances.
- If there’s dancing, everyone is touching their partner.
When someone says something funny or cheeky about let’s say an old man and everyone gets it, except the old man.
He knows something is up though and he starts to scratch his stubble/under his hat with a puzzled expression on his face, then just as he gets the joke his expression changes to exasperation and somebody somewhere plays a ’ wah wah ’ type sound on a trumpet.
No one is the least bit surprized when you are instantly able to produce large revolvers from your suit, glove compartment, writing desk, etc.
And the Missus keeps the cutest nickled .32 automatic in her purse…
- When your phone number has words in it.
- When you speak very rapidly in a vaguely British accent.
You have characters named Mac and Shorty.
You have characters named Mac and Shorty and they’re doctors. (Men in White)
Guys get into fights all the time, but nobody knows karate.
Even the most huge (& obviously instantly fatal) doeses of atomic radiation have no effect----other than mutating common household vermin into titanic monsters that can’t be stopped by the National Guard.
Even the most huge (& obviously instantly fatal) doses of atomic radiation have no effect----other than mutating common household vermin into titanic monsters that can’t be stopped by the National Guard.
While the cops are all good guys, they think nothing of civil rights. They’ll shoot an unarmed man for running away.
Men between 16 and 25 look like they’re 45. Soldiers look even older. (Don’t get me started on old war movies.)
You can get locked away if you act even slightly crazy. Talking to yourself is nearly all the evidence they need.
Bad guys are always really mean to each other. (Actually, this still happens in movies.)
It’s okay if you’re looking for someone to enter their house and look around.
Bosses are very nearly always old, fat, bald men who are quite mean.
Bosda– AAAUGH! Double-post-zirra!!!
Your phone number (and everyone else’s too) starts “KLondike 5-”
Every newspaper reporter is a short guy in a funny-looking hat, often with a “PRESS” pass stuck on the side. Every photographer constantly carries an enormous camera with giant flashbulbs.
Whenever you drive a car, there’s an obviously projected image of the road behind you. Also, nobody EVER slows down while making a sharp turn.
90% of all women look like Fay Wray.
Men light women’s cigarettes.
People are constantly drinking but are never drunk. (Except for the town drunk, who you see holding a bottle but never drinking.)
You rarely ever see any kind of brand names.
Two people come up to you and start a long meandering converasation about a duck.
You see three people poking and prodding each other in the most outragous manner and they never get hurt.
You see a thin man lighting his thumb.
The whole government will listen to a scientist with startling news.
The army will then follow that scientist’s orders.
The scientist’s mentor has a beautiful, sassy daughter that will fall in love with the scientist.
The mentor will die, and his daughter grieve deeply for him for at least a minute and a half.
The guest at your cocktail party who gets sloppy drunk and stumbles around mouthing off is delightfully amusing to every one else.
An overweight woman is prudish, fussy, and outspoken; and is accompanied by a thin, mousy, pushover man (either husband or son.)
Women always have an effeminate, swishy male “pal” who loves to dish gossip, who is “ever so witty”, and whose only interest in “the fairer sex” is their fabulous clothes.
The rare asian character (to paraphrase Truman Capote in “Murder By Death”) never uses his damn pronouns! (ex: “Laundry most clean!”)
A kiss on the lips is always closed-mouthed, and ends in a fade-out.
“Hobos” are amusing slapstick clowns.
Every thing always works out happily in the end!
Corrected: Besides Blacks, all other minorities are white people. Even some of the Blacks are white people.